So, on Thursday while preparing for dinner guests, auntie said her leg hurts. And hurts bad like the other one did when she had the blood clot. So, dinner was off. We spent a fraction over eight hours at the emergency room. When Jan returned from work she came over to the hospital, so the three of us were there when the ER doc came in and said, effectively, good news, bad news. Couldn’t find any trace of a clot. But, there was a spot on her spine & one lung was swimming in fluid.
The next day we called her oncologist.
Monday the story changed from spot to spots. We’ve begun treatment assuming metastases, pending more tests.
Doesn’t look good.
At least to us. This was the same announcement that began the endgame for my mother a dozen plus years ago.
As it turns out this rapidly waning summer twenty years ago is when we moved my mom and auntie in with us.
Auntie is mainly concerned that her sickness doesn’t cause us to have to raid our retirement savings. A thought I curse the current shape of things for her having.
Other than that she mainly is worried that she gets the next episode of her favorite Vampire romance novel in a timely manner…
Later when we were alone Jan noted that auntie has been part of her life for half her adult life. We’re not ready for this to be the endgame here. But, we can’t help but have thoughts rise that don’t include auntie in them…
Personally, I’m walking around in a bit of a fog. I canceled my Tuesday evening meeting knowing I wouldn’t be fully there. But, that’s about all the wiggle room I have. Everything else needs to just proceed as it proceeds, fog or no…
Life.
Death.
Like an arrow from a bow.
So fragile.
So precious.
One breath.
Not knowing.
One breath.
Not knowing is most intimate…
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