Porn versus Erotica

Absolutely not out of line!  I’m currently on vacation so I’ll get back to you once I’ve had a chance to watch them. However, I would like both you and your husband to trust each other more than me or a general authority 😉
I’ll definitely give you my opinion though. And congrats on being willing to enter into a sexual adventure together!!

I looked over the videos you sent – again, thanks.
I believe that as a Mormon therapist I would still qualify these as pornography rather than erotica, although I agree with you that they are much “softer” than other things I have come across and more woman-friendly.  My main complaint still stands – not relational. 🙂
However, I don’t want my opinion to stand in the way of the decision between you and your husband as far as what you believe is beneficial to your relationship and your sexuality – because that is relational.  And the fact that these videos helped you have a more positive process towards your sexuality is definitely something that I’d want you to celebrate. 
Erotica and pornography are terms that are defined differently by all kinds of people – so that is a challenge. 
I also don’t want my opinion to cause unnecessary shame or guilt or have you go back to issues around “good-girl” or “good-boy” syndrome. 
So, just take my opinion as an opinion and continue with your husband to do what is best for the two of you.
Thanks and feel free to write again,
Natasha
 
Thank you, Natasha, for responding. I really appreciate your input. May I ask a few brief clarifying questions? First, when you say “relational,” do you mean that those particular videos didn’t emphasize a relationship between the actors, or do you mean more generally that pornography isn’t relational relative to the viewer’s relationship with their spouse? Second, do you believe there was a significant distinction in degree of appropriateness between the more instructional massage videos and the couples videos?  Finally, do you recommend any resources, such as specific websites, videos, films, books, etc. as examples of more relational erotica?

Thanks again.  We value your insight and I have to say that your opinion resonates well with how I’ve been thinking about it this past week.

1. Relational meaning there is no relationship between the actors.  I think that pornography viewing with your spouse is relational – it just doesn’t happen to fall into our religious framework as appropriate activity and there can be other issues as well that are true for all who look at pornography (i.e. arousal templates affected, unrealistic expectations of partner or self, ethical dilemmas, etc.).
2. As far as appropriateness, I would venture a no – I probably saw them as equal in appropriateness. 
3.  I really need to work on having more resources.  I wish I had more time to look this stuff up!!  🙂  I love Pablo Neruda’s poetry, “Outlander” by Diana Gabaldon is a book that has a lot of erotica between a husband and wife that I enjoy but it’s a lot more than just a sexual story.  I know I was exposed to some educational videos during graduate school but I would need to do some searches.  The Kama Sutra is a great resource for couples. 
Sorry I don’t have more resources.  I’ll try to get to work on that.
Natasha

Thanks again for taking time to respond.  Outside the church you hear so many pro-porn arguments, so I’ve been researching non-religious based articles that discuss negative effects. I thought you might find some of these interesting. This first link has several posts by the same writer who raises concerns about viewing sexual material:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow

I thought this article on Psychology Today was timely 🙂 The article has a quote right in line with your comment about not being relational.  “Pornography is literally sex sans relationship.” In these last two weeks, I’ve definitely been rethinking my opinion on the links I sent and would consider them something I should do without.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolution-the-self/201104/what-distinguishes-erotica-pornography

Thanks, Natasha.