Is my wife too seductive?

Is my wife too seductive? February 17, 2012
When my wife seduces me, luring me to bed for wild lovemaking and sex she depicts erotic behavior intended to cause [my own] sexual excitement. But wait…Is my wife being ‘pornographic’ when she does that to me? I get very comfortable with her enticements, but is her introducing these things then sinful?

Pornography has to do with a medium meant to make a monetary profit in exchange for sexual arousal (i.e film, magazines, etc.).  Unless you are directly involved in the pornography industry, sexual interactions between humans is not called “pornography.”  Even if money was being exchanged – that’s called prostitution, not pornography.  I hope you can see how ridiculous it is to think of your wife anywhere near any of these terms.

Since I have heard certain church leaders warn women to make sure they are not becoming “pornography” in talks meant to educate about modesty, I can see why you would have such a question.  In my opinion, these types of comments labeling women are highly inappropriate, damaging and placing responsibility on women regarding the sexual arousal of men – also inappropriate.  Even if a woman chooses to dress in a way one would deem immodest or inappropriate – this does not make her “pornography.” Pornography is a product – not a person.

A healthy marriage is the perfect place to explore lovemaking – whether it be “wild” or not.  It is the place where it should be safe to be erotic, to be seductive, to be alluring, to be playful and to have fun.  I see it as a wonderful thing that your wife feels safe enough to initiate sex and lure you to her side – especially since she’s found herself in a culture (if she is LDS and/or American) that has not taught her how to own her own desire – that has not taught her how to be an initiator.  I say enjoy this wonderful gift she’s able to give!

If you’re truly uncomfortable with something sexual she is doing – then talk about it together.  Be willing to look into your own biases, your own sexual perceptions/development/upbringing and your own expectations about what sex in a marriage should look like.  It’s important to be able to communicate openly both in and out of a sexual setting so both partners can have as enjoyable an experience as possible.  

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