Gossip Between Husband And Wife

Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim

Salaam Alaikum wa Rahmatullah

I was scrolling through my FB status updates and came across a posting regarding gossip. It reminded me that I’ve been meaning to mention something for a long time. Now is as good a time as any:

For my dear brothers and sisters who are married, gossip is gossip even if it is between husband and wife. It is gossip if you are talking about others in your family, it is gossip of you are talking about people at the masjid, it is gossip if you are talking about people at work.

So many people have a blind spot in regards to their spouses. Due to the normal intimacy of the marital relationship, we have a tendency to want to share everything. This results in us talking about things that we shouldn’t. This is damaging to everyone because once something is said it can’t be unsaid.

Let’s use a fictional example. Said comes home from the masjid, and says salaam to his wife Ameenah. He is bursting with news. Is he going to give her some naseehah and tell her what the khutbah was about? Why, no, that’s not news. He wants to hurry up and tell her what he heard from Yusef, who heard from Ahmed, who works for Abdallah, that this guy he knows casually from the masjid, whose name is Ali, went and got secretly married when he took a vacation to his home country. And the wife is jealous, and she is beautiful, and she wants to come to the US, and she wants him to divorce his first wife, and…. and…. and. You get the idea. Said shares all the news, all the juicy details, and forever changes his wife’s impression of Ali, whom she’s never even met but already dislikes. They chew over the issue, with Ameenah clucking in disapproval and Said saying “I know” as if he does know but of course he doesn’t because he’s getting this “news” fourth hand. “Oh, and by the way, the Imaam talked about surat al Kahf today”, he says in passing before going to the den for a nap.

So, what has happened here? Said has shared information that he does not even know is true, and even if it is, it’s none of his business. He’s compromised the privacy of a brother and affected how his wife views him. Now, imagine it’s a couple of months later and Ameenah is in the masjid for a potluck dinner. She’s introduced to a lady who she realizes is the (possibly first) wife of the aforementioned Ali. Now, instead of one sister greeting another with a pure heart, she has mental reservations because of the information she has.

It’s even worse when we talk about family members, because we are more apt to come into contact with them. I know it’s tempting to talk about things with your husband or wife, but honestly, think before you speak. You might cause your husband to hate your sister, or your wife to dislike your mother, all because you talked about some private matter that was better left unsaid. Think before you speak. It’s tempting to think we can share everything with our spouse but that’s not the case. Sometimes we should just keep our yaps shut and not say anything. Yes, it’s hard. But it’s also Islamic:

Abu Hurayrah, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated that the Messenger of Allah said: