Muslimah in Progress
Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim – In the Name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful
Salaam Alaikum wa Rahmatullaahi wa Barakaatuhu – Peace be upon you, and the Mercy of Allah and His Blessings
I was not aware that today is International Women’s Day. I usually don’t follow such news as I think reducing the concerns of women, or any group, to a single day is not really useful. We should strive to do good and recognize goodness every day of the year.
I came up with this simple test due to news of some horrific abuse suffered by a Muslim woman. I just became aware of this situation recently. Unfortunately, it is not an isolated incident. I cannot comprehend how a man can call himself a Muslim, can say he fears Allah and the Last Day, yet he abuses the one who should be closest to his heart. A man can have a long beard, pray five times a day, make the night prayer, come to the first row on Friday, walk around with dhikr beads constantly in his hands, use a traditional miswak, say mashaAllah, alhamdulillah, and subhanAllah with every breath, and yet be so corrupt in his heart that every act of his is lost and will not benefit him on the Day of Judgment.
If you want to know who is the best brother in your community, see who is best to his wife. See who is proud of his wife, who says “Sorry, brothers, I can’t stay here and smoke and chat and drink tea, I need to get home to my family”. See who enables his wife to fulfill her needs, who encourages his wife to study, to learn, to engage with the community, to have free time to herself. This is a real man, a real Muslim. He is the one who is truly following the Sunnah of Prophet Muhammad, may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him.
Now, to the test. It is one question, multiple choice:
In the Farewell Sermon of Prophet Muhammad, may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him, in what order did he mention the following topics?:
A: The importance of the five daily prayers
B: Giving up riba (interest / usury)
C: Treating women kindly
It might be “logical” to say that prayer came first, since it is one of the things that separates the believers from the non-believers, but you would be wrong. The first topic is on avoiding riba, usury, since it is such a corrupting and injurious influence at every level of society.
What is the second topic? Surely the prayer would fall here if not first, but no. The next topic that Prophet Muhammad, may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him, mentioned was women:
O People, it is true that you have certain rights with regard to your women, but they also have rights over you. Remember that you have taken them as your wives only under Allah’s trust and with His permission. If they abide by your right then to them belongs the right to be fed and clothed in kindness. Do treat your women well and be kind to them for they are your partners and committed helpers. And it is your right that they do not make friends with any one of whom you do not approve, as well as never to be unchaste.
Why would women be mentioned even before prayer? You know and I know that everything that came out of the mouth of the Prophet in regards to religion was wahy, revelation. It came from Allah, not his own nafs. Allah inspired him to mention the women before the prayer. Why? I am not a scholar so I don’t know the “educated” answer, but perhaps it was because it was so important, and the rights of women are among the first to be ignored or discarded, that Allah felt it was necessary to give their rights pride of place in this last sermon, this speech that is memorized by thousands or perhaps millions of Muslims around the world.
Brothers, my dear brothers in Islam, I implore you, I beg you, as a woman who has seen the worst a man can do to a woman, as a woman who has seen other women broken in spirit and downtrodden, made to believe she is worse than a dog, you must do a better job of cherishing your women. If you are a father, you must practice Islam in your home and teach your sons and daughters their rights and duties as Muslims. You must raise your boys to respect women and you must raise your daughters to demand that respect. You must treat your wife well. You must honor your parents. You must never, ever strike a woman. If you do this, then you are not just being nice or being magnanimous. You are following the sunnah of the Prophet. And trust me, it’s much more important to follow him in this than it is to walk around with a miswak in your pocket and think you are a good man.
If you are a father, or a brother, or an uncle, or a concerned member of the community, you must not turn away from a woman in distress. When it comes to your attention that a woman is abused, you must take action or Allah will hold you accountable on the Day of Judgment.
If you are a husband and you are abusive, I have a message for you: Every time you say an unkind word, call your wife “bint al kalb” (daughter of a dog), tell her she is useless, steal her gold, don’t allow her to get a driver’s license, tell her she disgusts you, hit her, punch her, throw her against the wall, rape her, you are building yourself a home in the Hellfire. Allah will hold you responsible for the life you are abusing. He will ask you on the Day of Judgment, when you are up to your eyeballs in sweat, naked, shaking and quaking with fear, why you did not follow the simple rules that were RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE. Are you afraid? You should be.
I will tell you, O abusive husband, that YOU are responsible. You are not that little boy anymore who hid in the closet when your father was beating your mother. You are not that little boy who was taught that women are all filth to be used and discarded. You have a brain and you have the duty to overcome the falsehoods you were taught in the past and become the man you are supposed to be, a Muslim man who cherishes women and takes care of them in kindness. Just as a heroin addict can kick his addiction and stay away from drugs, you can kick your addiction to violence and stay away from abusing your wife in any form. Your afterlife depends on this. You must resolve to never, ever again touch a woman in anger. You must surround yourself with strong Muslim brothers who are doing it right. You must open the Qur’an and learn what Allah teaches about women. You must fall down in prostration and beg forgiveness from your Rabb for committing such a heinous sin against a woman who is your wife and your sister in Islam. You must do it now. Do it now before Allah takes your soul and you have an eternal life in the Hellfire to regret your actions. Do it now to try to remove that look of fear in your wife’s eyes when she gazes at you. Do it now and work it every day and never give up. Do it now.
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