In defense of Muslim men – Love ya brothers!

Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim

Salaam Alaikum wa Rahmatullah

Well, something compelled me to set up this blog. I was drinking my morning coffee and checking out facebook while trying to block the baby and keep her from rolling off the couch. I clicked on a link to a blog entry here about Islamic divorce. The sister is mashAllah a good writer and I really do agree with what she wrote, but I found the comments after the entry disturbing. Most of the comments were from women in regards to men, and the words “moron”, “idiot”, and “a**hole” were used as descriptive adjectives.

Now, I understand that people tend to comment more when they have an emotional reaction, and that people are more emotional about negative events, so it’s no surprise that many of the women were referring to men in these derisive terms. But I don’t want to just let all that negativitiy sit out there. I want to say something in defense of men….

Now, I’m married, been married ten years. My husband is an Egyptian Arab. Yeah, yeah, I know Egyptian men can be pretty high maintenance, but mine is an exception to the rule, I guess. He has great sense of humor, which is pretty common among Egyptians. He is a hard worker, creative, disorganized, sometimes grandiose in his dreams, extremely loving, changes diapers (though he won’t mention that to his friends!) emotionally supportive, completely ADHD, oh, and did I mention tall and handsome?

He also a) rarely says please b) is incapable of getting his own tea unless I’m in the hospital giving birth or home ill with something contagious c) unable to cook without scorching all the pans d) liable to look before he leaps (note the ADHD above) and he leaves his socks lying around and doesn’t clean up after he makes wudu’.

Having been married ten years, we have had our share of issues, some of them serious (and no, I’m not going to dish on the details cause that’s just unIslamic) but I do have to say he’s a really, really, really good guy, probably better than I deserve. And as cynical as I tend to be in my fortysomething old age, I know he can’t be the only one out there. So I’m just going to say, in defense of my brothers in Islam…

Jazaak Allah khair, brothers. Thank you for working hard driving a taxi fourteen hours a day because your medical degree from Pakistan isn’t useful here in the US. Thank you for sending money back to your family in the Old Country even if that means you can only afford a small apartment here in the US. Thank you for spending time in the masjid learning your religion and sharing it with your family. Thank you for staying in that small apartment instead of getting a home mortgage with ribaa. Thank you for not getting the illegal cable hookup so you can keep your kids safe from MTV. Thank you for keeping your beard, even though it’s kinda scraggly, because you love the Sunnah. Thank you for telling your wife that the abaya she is wearing is a bit tight in the bum. Thank you for insisting that your wife get her driver’s license so she can take care of errands while you’re busy working. Thank you for taking in your sister and letting her live with you so she won’t be out on the street. Thank you for impulsively taking all the money in your pocket and donating it to the homeless shelter. Thank you for buying that ugly dining room table because it was on sale and you thought it would please your wife. Thank you…. thank you.

Yes, there are some really awful brothers out there. Duds, dullards, idiots, morons, and yes, even a**holes. Having grown up in the US as a non-Muslim I can say that a**holeness exists across all cultures and religions and is not confined to Muslim men. And even a good man can be an a**hole at times. Like we women can’t be b**ches? Let’s be honest. Men aren’t perfect and women aren’t perfect. And there are truly bad men out there. Men who are mean, who think they are doing women a favor by marrying them and then subjecting them to every indignity and abuse. Men who need a dose of their own medicine. Men who should be in jail. Men who should be under the jail. But let’s be sure not to paint all men with the same brush. There are lots of good brothers out there, and I just wanted to let them know how much they are appreciated. So thanks guys. I love you for the sake of Allah, and I forgive you if you leave the toilet seat up!

Fi Aman Allah,

Nancy