cartoon: Lunch with Jesus

When I was in public school I struggled with an inferiority complex. Even though some people remember me as being well-liked and sometimes even popular, I don’t remember it that way. I suppose it is the more powerful and overwhelming emotions we remember… like feelings of inferiority, shame, and rejection. I sometimes still struggle with these things. Many people do.

But I also remember from when I was a small child feeling loved and cared for. Even before the church was a part of my life. It has always been a certainty that I really can’t explain. I have always had a sense of company and even companionship. When I say “always”, I don’t mean this hasn’t been challenged and even absent. I’m speaking about the big picture. The movie. Not the occasional snapshot.

I went for spiritual direction under a Catholic nun about 25 years ago for several years. One of the first exercises she had me do was to write a spiritual journal from as far back as I can remember, even including stories from my mom and dad. It was an amazing experience for me because I realized how there had been a sense of Benediction and Presence in my life from a very early age… before I made my confession and before I was the church’s possession. It was then that I understood that the church is not the arbiter of my spirituality.

Here’s a guy eating his lunch at work all by himself. But he isn’t by himself. We never are. There is a Manifold Presence. There is Love, Compassion, and a Blessed Benediction over everything.

That certainty remains. Tenuous at times. But it remains.

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