my family’s freedom

This is my family. It was taken today out at St. Martins on the Atlantic with my daughter Casile’s camera set on autopilot (click on the picture for a larger image). From left to right: Joshua, Lisa, me, Jesse, Casile. I’m almost 6″1″.

I’ve often spoken about vision in the church and that it shouldn’t be a part of a church community. I say that it shouldn’t be a part of the church just like it shouldn’t be a part of the family.

Lisa and I never told our kids how they should grow up, what they were to become or who they were to be. As parents, we provided the context for health. We provided the milieu for life, joy and wisdom. We nourished the children. We are like farmers who prepare the field, nourish the soil, plant and water the seeds, weed and protect the garden. The result: healthy plants that produce good fruit. Yes we gave advice and we told them yes or no when necessary. But we never imposed a vision for their lives upon them.

I’m not saying it has been easy. I can’t count how many times I was in mortal fear and anguish for them, worried, sorrowful, sleepless, anxious, angry and depressed. But much of this was because of the freedom they were practicing and how their lives sometimes didn’t measure up to a fantasy my brain couldn’t help construct for them. It still happens. Life never appears perfect. But in many ways it is.

The trick is to acknowledge the fantasy, say “thanks for sharing”, but to allow the children themselves to learn how to be self-determining.

I published a book of cartoons. For just $9, order “Nakedpastor101: Cartoons by David Hayward“, from amazon.com, amazon.ca, amazon.de. Great for laughs and serious discussion!