Gay Thursday: new kind of bible theme park

Gay Thursday: new kind of bible theme park February 2, 2012

a new kind of bible theme park that's honest

I thought it would be interesting to have a new kind of bible theme park that contained attractions about the nastier parts of the bible. There’s a whole lot more I could have used. Like Lot being raped by his two daughters. (Ya, sure!) Or the stoning of a man who picked up some kindling on the sabbath. Or David hamstringing a herd of horses. I also thought of a ride called “To Hell and Back” where you take a journey through the center of mega-church services.

Maybe you have some ideas.

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  • joe

    Atch, it needs a soundtrack and a menu. How about the wails of Egyptian mothers who have lost their firstborn, the thwack of a few heads as they meet jawbone, and the joyous sound of ‘tramp, tramp. tramp’ *trumpet*, and rubble falling.

    Menu must include fresh manna, quails, honey and locusts.

  • Jean

    Noah? Would that actually be Abram’s nephew, Lot? This would take place after “the annihilation of a city full of fags”….

  • What a fantastic Theme Park that would be.

    Wow, I didn’t remember Ezra story. Maybe it made sense to me when I was a believer and now its bizarreness is clearer. So for others who may not also know it, here is the beginning part of the weird Ezra divorce story.

    “The people of Israel, including the priests and the Levites, have not kept themselves separate from the neighboring peoples with their detestable practices, like those of the Canaanites, Hittites, Perizzites, Jebusites, Ammonites, Moabites, Egyptians and Amorites. 2 They have taken some of their daughters as wives for themselves and their sons, and have mingled the holy race with the peoples around them.
    — Ezra 9:1-2 (from the “Holy” Bible)

    What a precious book and great work of Literature (yeah, right!)

  • Have you been away from church too long David? Wasn’t it Lot and his two daughters?

  • actually it’s a legend about noah… lot is more explicit, but the noah story implies that the reason his sons covered noah’s nakedness was because he was actually sleeping with his daughters-in-law… too fine a point i guess to be arguing in a cartoon. lot would have been better.

  • Can you imagine the carnival games? Dashing babies against rocks? Having sexual relations with a woman (likely against her desire, if not will) then calling for her to be stoned to assuage your guilt?

  • Nancy T.

    Awww… can’t we have some family friendly things… sling shot to Goliath’s head (for boys only), cutting Samson’s hair (for girls only), and the pschydelic ride of Daniel’s visions for the whole family at once.

    You know, some of the “Hell House” events orgainzed by ‘Christians’ for Halloween, to compete with the heathen hallowween, are really not very far from this.

  • You should visit ‘Millstone around the Neck Land’…

    it’s a real hoot!

  • cynthia

    How about a scavenger hunt for the twelve pieces of the Levite’s concubine scattered throughout the park? (Judges 19)

  • love it! save for the bottom left one is inaccurate and is more than likely already being planned somewhere.

  • marcie

    How about a game where righteous can tattoo the mark and separate the damned from their head. Think the lines would be too long?

  • marcie

    And then we could hire a plane that would fly over and drop little notes saying “Jesus loves you”

  • Don’t forget the Oman emission ride, The Cutting of the Concubine or Doing Dinah

    And don’t forget all the Levitical purity rules that must be enforced in order to gain admission.

  • @nakedpastor That is a legend I did not know about – something new every day.

    Can we have a game where you get to play Peter and have to slice off as many ears as possible for the chance to win a blanket covered with unclean animals? (I’m sure someone has made a connection between the the ear hacking and the animal vision in some sermon somewhere.)

  • Buz

    How about “Brainless Promises” day? (Judges 11:31)

  • The only thing would be the obvious hypocrisy in 21st century culture, which sits before screens day and night gorging itself with scenes of violence and pornography to the point of addiction and vomit to which it returns uncontrollably.

  • Christine

    marcie: LOL on the “Jesus loves you” notes! Hilarious.

    Brigitte: Quite the dramatic generalization – “21st century culture” is pretty broad, don’t see great portions of it in your description…

  • marcie

    Gotta love it! Raw truth in your face…. Life altering =)

  • Jacquie Kernick

    Enjoying the comments…pointing out the absurdity of following these ancient stories…certainly not providing an enriching environment on rules for living!! Great blog/drawing, David.

  • You could base a ride on my childhood nightmare. This picture was in my Bible Story books:

  • A theme park isn’t just about the rides – there’s catering to consider. All our food is freshly cooked on a fire of human excrement! (Ezekiel 4)

  • marcie

    Geez Ben when you see it the reality of it…. I’m so sorry…..

  • How about the Samson, Judge over all Israel, rides the Prostitutes in Gaza ride.

    Here’s something you might enjoy:

  • Hugs ‘n Jesus

    How wonderful it is to be experiencing a peace that really does pass all understanding, now that my mind and heart has been awakened to the true character and nature of God. I fell in love at age seven with a man named Jesus. I am 73 now. I am more in love with Him today, than ever. My love for God the Father, the Precious (Momma) Holy Spirit, for myself, and for All Mankind is so much greater and grows stronger every day.

    My mantra for the last 30+ years, has been “Faithful is He Who Has Promised” at first it was based on the KJV and later on my translation in ( ) of Hb.10:22

    Hb 10:23 Let us hold fast (that’s our faith) the profession of our (HIS) faith without wavering; (for he is faithful that promised;)

    In 1980, I prayed a very heartfelt and sincere, “Father I love you, but I want to love you more, I know you, but I want to know you more” Which took me on a Journey that many years later, after my eyes/heart had been opened to Father God’s true character and nature, I named my journey “The Elijah Task Journey, a Journey out of Captivity.”

    In 1980 when I prayed the prayer, I set my heart to be more available to just commune with God and to read though the bible in a year for the first time ever. I did this year after year. Eventually buying a concordance and looking up bible words, verse by verse.

    You can imagine my joy, when I discovered a few years ago that thousands all over the world are communicating (youtube, blog’s, NP, NCG, etc.) and no longer are believing in a wrathful God, who arranged for his only beloved son to die on a cross, so he could accept his creation into his presence, and then burns his own creation in a place called hell, when they do not love him, and accept Jesus into their hearts.

    I so love and appreciate you all. Keep sharing your hearts, your stories, your journey, your thoughts, your questions, etc. Hugs Always. GGMHA

    When I would come to and read the verses like the following, it would break my heart and I would weep, saying, I don’t understand, Please Father help me to understand.

    Num 16:20-35 KJV – And the LORD spake unto Moses and unto Aaron, saying, Separate yourselves from among this congregation, that I may consume them in a moment.

    And they fell upon their faces, and said, O God, the God of the spirits of all flesh, shall one man sin, and wilt thou be wroth with all the congregation?

    * and Dathan and Abiram came out, and stood in the door of their tents, and their wives, and their sons, and their little children.

    * And it came to pass, as he had made an end of speaking all these words, that the ground clave asunder that was under them: And the earth opened her mouth, and swallowed them up, and their houses, and all the men that appertained unto Korah, and all their goods.They, and all that appertained to them, went down alive into the pit, and the earth closed upon them: and they perished from among the congregation. And all Israel that were round about them fled at the cry of them: for they said, Lest the earth swallow us up also.

    35 And there came out a fire from the LORD, and consumed the two hundred and fifty men that offered incense.(KJV)

    Num 16:36-17:13 * 41 But on the morrow all the congregation of the children of Israel murmured against Moses and against Aaron, saying, Ye have killed the people of the LORD.

    *45 Get you up from among this congregation, that I may consume them as in a moment. And they fell upon their faces. 46 And Moses said unto Aaron, Take a censer, and put fire therein from off the altar, and put on incense, and go quickly unto the congregation, and make an atonement for them: for there is wrath gone out from the LORD; the plague is begun.

    * 49 Now they that died in the plague were fourteen thousand and seven hundred, beside them that died about the matter of Korah.

  • Martha

    “I also thought of a ride called “To Hell and Back” where you take a journey through the center of mega-church services.”
    LOVE this idea!!