keep my heart soft

I spoke with a young woman today who shared with me a story about what I would call a numinous experience which she had. Her story shook me. Here’s why.

Even though I endeavour to become a good and wise man, I still realize how cynical, sceptical and bitter I can be. Hardhearted even. Stiff-necked. Sometimes I see my hard heart in the mirror and it horrifies me, breaking my heart all over again.

The German theologian Rudolf Otto claimed that the numinous experience has two aspects:

1. mysterium tremendum, which invokes fear and trembling; and
2. mysterium fascinans, which attracts, fascinates and compels.

When we have a numinous experience, it also often has a personal quality to it so that we feel to be in communion with a “Wholly Other“. It is at this point where we attempt to label that which we experienced with labels of deities we already possess, such as God, the Holy, or the Spirit, or Brahmin, etc. Or it may lead into another new supernatural system of belief.

All that aside. After she and I spoke, I started recalling the numinous experiences I’ve had that have radically changed my life and direction. I remember the dreams. I remember the visions. I remember the revelations like thunderclaps in my brain. I remember the overwhelming physical sensations, uncalled for, uninvited, unexpected, leaving me undone. I remember the events I still cannot explain. There is this “Wholly Other” that I cannot articulate.

At least this: Let my heart stay soft. Let my mind stay open.