the slow long thaw

I said to Lisa that I’ll have a better idea how I feel today tomorrow. It’s true. Part of it has to do with my personality. It takes me a while to get in touch with what I’m really feeling deep down inside.

But there’s another reason too. When we experience some kind of trauma… especially abuse… a part of us… the abused part… freezes over. But when we intentionally begin the healing process, the ice starts to thaw. I’m not saying I was abused, but I certainly experienced one of the most severe traumas of my life when I left the ministry and the church a couple of years ago. I froze over. Eventually, when it became blatantly obvious that I had frozen over, I sought help. Then the thaw began. It’s taking a loooooooooong time.

So, the interesting thing is, I might think I’m doing really well right now. I can actually feel great and say, “I’ve made it!” But tomorrow will come and I’ll improve even further. More thawing will have occurred. That’s the problem with being frozen: you aren’t aware of it. You’re completely frozen over. It’s only after you’ve thawed that you realize you were frozen.

I have the support of an amazing wife and three incredible adult children. I also have a counselor I talk with every couple of weeks. That’s about it. But they are like the rays of the sun in my life. They help my frozen parts to thaw. I feel great today. But I know I’ll feel better tomorrow. I don’t remember being this healthy and happy. Oh my! What’s tomorrow going to be like?

So I just want to encourage you: if you want to, you can feel better. But not just better! You can feel better than you can ever remember. I really believe this is true. I hope you do too.