lonely October 1, 2012

lonely in church cartoon drawing by nakedpastor david hayward

Purchase a fine art print of this cartoon!

We are lonely in the universe. We can surround ourselves with other people, but as long as we aren’t living openly with ourselves then we will continue to experience this loneliness. Plus it helps to find at least one other person. I have a few people locally who I am open with. Especially my wife Lisa. Then a few local friends. That is slowly growing. Plus I am meeting people online who alleviate my feelings of loneliness.

If you are having to hide your true self, it doesn’t matter how busy you are with other people, you will be like those in the crowd above: lonely.

So: Loving yourself unconditionally is the cure to your loneliness. Finding others who love you unconditionally enriches it.

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  • Superbly stated !!

  • Marie


  • so what’s that code for marie?

  • Bart Breen

    A lot of people don’t realize it but sometimes one of the lonliest people is the one standing in the pulpit preaching. More than anyone in a church, it’s often the pastor who can least afford to drop the mask because the role demands maintaining the illusion. Yes, there are tradeoffs. Some pastors thrive on the attention. Many however, would love nothing more than a friend and someone whom they can be honest with. When I was a pastor, I was trained that it was too dangerous to have friends in your own church so you had to look elsewhere.

    How very sad for so many.

  • I could so relate to this!

  • faithlessinfatima

    I used to be lonely,then I met “Legion”…and realized “I” was not alone.

  • thanks bart. that’s true. i know first hand.

  • Richard

    Like many have discovered, loneliness is a double edged sword. It can either destroy or cause creativeness. I have seen both and if you think about it, so have you. The worst results is suicide. Loss of spouse or girl or boyfriend can be the straw that does it as well as shame and guilt. We can be held captive. Because of my faith I am convinced that there is one who wants to destroy and One who gives life. This option has not come cheaply.

  • Marie

    Oh, sorry! It was two little faces with a heart in the middle lol! An online friend sending love 🙂

  • faithlessinfatima

    Richard,who wants to destroy you?

  • AndyMarshall

    Bart, well said. I was a pastor for 12 years preaching in ones of the largest churches in my state. It was one of the loneliest times I knew.

  • haha thanks so much marie!! ????<<>>????

  • Lonely is as lonely does.

  • Hello Dave, impolite of me to just drop in.

  • Jacob

    The loneliness after leaving the institution served to emphasize the actual void I was living in and called ‘relationship with God’. It took a while to deprogram and stop relying on humans to fill that void. It takes time to understand with the mind what the relationship is which we have entered when God called us. Trusting God is not something you learn from a book, not even a good book, and evidently not even the Bible. It’s something you experience. How many other lessons can we read about but only value once experienced? Prolonged unemployment feels like it is pushing me over the edge, but then I constantly ask myself; Am I trusting God or not? The ‘voids/loneliness’ we experience is a reflection of our unaccomplished beliefs, which only get fulfilled by revelation through experience.I’m a slow learner, I admit, but I have a gift of not forgetting.

  • Helen

    @Jacob, “The ‘voids/loneliness’ we experience is a reflection of our unaccomplished beliefs which only get fulfilled by revelation through experience.”
    Interesting comment, thanks for sharing. I’m pondering it.
    Best to you with the job hunt and seeking out any opportunities.

  • Jacob

    I seem to not be able to express myself too well, my bad. In essence I’m just saying we learn some things only by experience. Is God with us and in us? Sure He is. Do we sometimes doubt it? Well, I do. Does it change the truth? No. So where am I going wrong? I can read about God in the Bible as much as I like, it’s not what changes me. God changes me. And sometimes I go through experiences to understand God, other than Him revealing Himself to me. My experience has been that I always thought I understood fundamental truths, until it got put to the test. Then I realized I know very little if anything. Has God ever left me destitute? No. Is what I’m going through pleasant? No. Should it be? Well, I don’t know but it does leave me feeling ‘lonely’. Did Jesus ever feel ‘lonely’? I think so, at least once I know of. Does it change the truth? No. Will I ever feel ‘not lonely’? I don’t know. What I do know, is what does not work for me, and that is summed up in Dave’s picture. I’m on this journey of ‘finding out’. Is it less lonely than the institution? Don’t know, but it’s a journey and in this journey I’m getting to know God, why? Because some things are not learned from a book, not even a good book, evidently not even the Bible, but through experience….
    Thanks for the wishes.

  • Hi Aishah! I appreciate you just dropping in. Hi!

  • Great post. I’m sure it hits home with a lot of people.

    2 Corinthians 1:3-7 always help me when I get a bit lonely.

    “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassions and God of all comfort; who comforts us in all our affliction that we may be able to comfort those who are in every affliction through the comforting with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For even as the sufferings of the Christ abound unto us, so through the Christ our comfort also abounds. But whether we are afflicted, it is for your comforting and salvation; or whether we are comforted, it is for your comforting, which operates in the endurance of the same sufferings we also suffer. And our hope for you is firm, knowing that as you are partakers of the the sufferings, so also you are of the comfort.”

    Paul, the writer of these verses, was lonely in his ministry: all of Asia turned away from him, he traveled extensively in his ministry, certainly while he was shipwrecked or imprisoned. So was the Lord Jesus. I mean, how many people really got Him and what he was talking about? He was terribly misunderstood. So what did he do when He was lonely? He went away privately to be with the Father. Even He as a man needed to be comforted by the God of all comfort. So He knows what we are going through. And He is now living in us as the one who as experienced all the sufferings and trials. He is not far off and distant. He is right here waiting for us to turn to Him in prayer so that we too can be comforted and, with that comfort, be able to comfort others around us.