the most effective means of control

* IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: All my art, including my original Sophias, are 40% OFF this weekend only. Go to MY STORE and use the coupon code “remember“.

Ok, so let’s deconstruct this cartoon. This is the most effective way many try to control people. It is subtle and often not recognized as control or even manipulation or abuse. They shower you with what feels like love and kindness. So much so that they would be absolutely alarmed that you would think, feel, say or do anything that might even remotely disappoint them. They love you so much and take such good care of you and know what’s best for you that you are terrified of hurting them.

This is why, if you complain at all about the arrangement, you are perceived as an ungrateful whiner and complainer and that nothing makes you happy. Everyone else is happy with the arrangement. But deep down you know something is wrong. The person controlling you has such an intense affection for you, and it is matched with just as an intense idea of how you should be. But you recognize that you are not allowed to disappoint that because the consequences amount to you betraying that person’s love for you. You can’t think independently, you can’t feel negative feelings, you can’t say disagreeable things, and you can’t do what you would like. All because it flies in the face of this person’s lofty and even noble expectations for you.

It feels like this: you are not free. You are bound by their kindness.

But the truth is: you are free! It is your fear of hurting them that keeps you bound. Disappointing others is an important and necessary component in our personal growth.

Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.