Mark Driscoll and dripping faucet wives

Mark Driscoll and dripping faucet wives April 26, 2013
mark driscoll and drippy faucet wives cartoon by nakedpastor david hayward
“Mark Driscoll and Drippy Faucet Wives” by David Hayward

Most days I sit before a white sheet of paper with my pens waiting for a cartoon to emerge from wherever they emerge from.

But sometimes you’re given something that just can’t be ignored. Like yesterday when I read what Mark Driscoll said about some wives being drippy faucets used for water torture:

“And some women – you’re a nag. You’re disrespectful. You’re quarrelsome. Being married to you is like a life sentence, and the guy’s just scratching on his wall every day, ‘One more day. Just one more day,’… Proverbs talks about certain women – they’re like a dripping faucet. You ever tried to sleep with a dripping faucet? Plunk, plunk, plunk, plunk, plunk. It’s what we use to torture people who are prisoners of war. A wife is like that. She just—boom, boom, boom, boom.”

You can listen to or read the transcript of the whole message here if you want.

Driscoll obviously is publicizing his at least occasional opinion of his own wife in this passage. “You ever tried to sleep with a dripping faucet? Plunk, plunk, plunk…” That’s someone talking from experience. There’s so much that could be unpacked from just that passage alone. Like, for instance, if I was his wife I would definitely get all up in his face about some issues. And it wouldn’t be just a drip either. To continue the faucet analogy, if he wants to turn her off maybe he shouldn’t have turned her on in the first place.

Driscoll’s messages are a strange mix of being okay and then suddenly not. It reminds me of the scene in Lord of the Rings when Biblo, an older, subdued and gentle Hobbit, suddenly turns into a monster and grabs for the ring. It’s only one split second, but it reveals that there’s something far more sinister going on beneath the surface.

That’s how I feel about Driscoll. I get defensive letters from his fans and followers. I understand where they’re coming from. But occasionally he says something that says to me that there’s something very sinister and even dangerous going on. It should get attention.

Driscoll seems to believe that either the husband is the head of the house or the wife is. Either/or. He says God voted the husband to be the head of the house. He is a complimentarian and believes husbands and wives work together, but the husband has the “Head of the Household” card. I believe there is a middle way where it isn’t either/or but both/and. Lisa and I have never concerned ourselves over who is head of the house. Never! We both are. With our kids.

The concept of collaborative teamwork was clearly not as present in Paul’s day as it is in ours. It’s there to use if we want.

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  • I just found your blog today, from a link on . I have a feeling I’ll be looking forward to these posts…. 🙂

  • nice to meet you esther! and thanks to !!

  • Some women are “dripping faucets”.

    So are plenty of men.

    We can all be when we are at our worst.

    I’ve heard Mark Driscoll enough to think that he can often be like water torture.

  • Pat Pope

    Two thoughts: 1) it’s interesting that in this quote he goes from talking about “some women” who nag to “a wife is just like that”. Hmmm….Freudian slip or did he mean to say that SOME wives are like that. 2) the cartoon isn’t drawn appropriately because I’m sure in Driscoll’s world, the man would be on top. 😀 But I get it. Hard to draw a dripping faucet the other way around.

  • Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And, Thank you! ” I believe there is a middle way where it isn’t either/or but both/and.” -> that is the smartest, best, most logical but often refuted concept regarding marriage, and I thank you for stating it.

    Additionally… I have to say that I truly love Pat Pope’s comment regarding the cartoon not being drawn accurately to Driscoll’s concept of marriage 🙂

  • hahaha

  • Rita

    This is just my general observation. If a woman is nagging, it is usually because she is not being heard and counted. If her husband is listening to her opinions and taking her seriously, then there is really no reason to nag. If she is being ignored and treated in a disrespectful way, then nagging is her way of trying to be heard and to matter.

  • Kevin

    Mark Driscoll is a dripping faucet that, at times, totally blows a valve! I used to like Mark, but then the more I listened to him, the more confused I was by him. Your comment, “Driscoll’s messages are a strange mix of being okay and then suddenly not” got exactly to what rubbed me the wrong way. One minute, he seems to have a great grasp of and ability to express grace in such beautiful terms, then he turns into the pastors of my youth who pile shame and expectations on your back. He’s an enigma!

  • Kris

    I heard a great sermon once from a man who said if he is to be the head of the household, then he is responsible for the HAPPINESS and UNHAPPINESS in the household. You cannot be in control and then blame someone you are controlling for your problems. You don’t just get the credit; you get the blame.

    Mark Driscoll sounds like he has some major personal issues and is using the podium to vent. He gets to talk about sex in a “Christian context” which allows him to explore all his fantasies while remaining untarnished in the eyes of God.

  • re your cartoon: There are places where you have to pay extra for this — or so I’ve been told

  • Al Cruise

    Haha! The sad part is you can read old sermons that were spoken to slaves about obeying their masters , not complaining, etc.and backed with Bible verses . Some just can’t understand the meaning of Grace.

  • Adam

    I am with the Old Adam on this one with respect to both some men and some women being like dripping taps.

    I was surprised recently to find out that Drscol agrees with a lot of what feminism stands for according to one of his vidoes with David Murrow. I’m also surprised the amount of backlash that happens when a criticism is made about women or any particular women that wouldn’t happen with similar criticism towards a man or men. There is gender inequality in many walks of life that is as you say David is “sinister and even dangerous”. I agree.

  • Crystal

    Went to a church once with a pastor that said stuff like this all the time, not only about his wife, but all women. He was called on it publically on several occasions and apologized to the congregation. I guess that didn’t work for his first wife since she divorced him after 30 years of marriage. I hope his second wife fares better.

  • Ciera

    Wonder if guys would want to be the head of the household if they realized the truth of the submissive being the one who’s actually in control. U can only do to me what I allow. Food for thought.

  • Josh Gould

    so the man is the head of the house is he? the head garbage taker outer? the head dinner cooker? the head dishes cleaner? the head toilet unclogger? the head laundry folder? the head go find out what that sound was? or the head life giver upper. it baffles my mind that there is a single person out there who can listen and tolerate this man’s words. he’s a complete tool.

    the problem driscoll doesn’t understand is that the greek passage in the new testament does not say even REMOTELY close to what he thinks it says. i won’t lecture you on all the nuances and details of that passage but let’s just say driscoll is WAY off the mark on this one.

  • Theodore Seeber

    When you pick and choose your verses, it is pretty easy to read only Ephesians 5:22- and skip 5:1-21 and 5:23-6:1.

    That is one of the reasons I’m still Catholic. The Liturgical cycle *FORCES* us to read the whole Bible.

  • Al Newberry

    I love how you drew Driscoll with that lame “overgrown 7-year-old” fauxhawk.

  • Al Newberry

    Here’s a sermon clip that really irked me. Driscoll is trying to demonstrate that his children obey him because He loves them. What is so insidious about it is that, while Driscoll probably thinks there’s nothing wrong with this exchange, it’s so subtly manipulative it makes me nauseous.

  • Stan S

    “Driscoll obviously is publicizing his at least occasional opinion of his own wife in this passage.”

    No. If you’ve ever heard Driscoll talk about his wife or his marriage you will see that he is obviously NOT placing his wife in this category of quarrelsome wives talked about in Proverbs. In fact, my evidence for such will come from this same sermon:

    “We don’t fight a lot. We actually agree. We make decisions together. I asked Gracie, “Honey, give me an example of a time when we disagreed about something, and I made the decision, and you had to submit to it.” I gave her forty-nine hours, she couldn’t come up with one. We’ve been together twenty-five years.”

    Does that sound like he sees his wife as quarrelsome? “We don’t fight a lot. We actually agree.” Either this author doesn’t understand the meaning of the word quarrelsome, or I don’t.

    Driscoll is pointing to a passage in proverbs and expanding the word-picture. And he’s acknowledging that there are women like that today. Just like there are men today that don’t love their wives…which he also talked about in this sermon:

    “The truth is, you can easily ascertain who or what you love by just following your money. Jesus says this elsewhere: “Where your treasure is, there your heart is.” If I, for example, go to a man’s home—let’s say he’s married and has three kids—and I pull up, and there’s a huge bass boat and ATVs and hunting and fishing gear and new golf clubs and a golf cart, and the house is falling apart, and the wife is driving a beater car, and I walk in, and the kids are wearing threadbare clothes, I know exactly who and what he loves. And I know exactly who and what he doesn’t love.

    And he could tell me, “Oh, I love my family.” No, you don’t. Follow the money. Follow the money. You love yourself, you love your hobbies, you love your toys. You don’t love your wife, and you don’t love your kids.”

    He, earlier in the same sermon, rebuked some men FAR more strongly. He said of them, “You don’t love your wife, and you don’t love your kids.”

    I can’t imagine a stronger rebuke of a husband and father, and that’s ok, but if you say anything negative about “some” women you are “very sinister and even dangerous” The author is trying very hard to come up with something to attack Driscoll for. And his best effort is based on a clearly false assumption.

    And the cartoon of Driscoll naked, in bed, in a sexual position…Not just distasteful, but offensive. And he call’s Driscoll sinister.

  • Stan S: Thanks for taking the time to write such a full comment. Obviously you respect Driscoll and that’s fine. But have you heard the expression “follow the money”? That’s what you do with businesses and organizations if you want to see what’s really going on. Well, with preachers, you follow the words. If I had said those words, followed by “a wife is like that”, my wife would have had it out with me in no uncertain terms. Not just because I exposed my opinion of her when she nags, but said “a wife IS LIKE THAT”. It betrays a very negative view about wives. My wife’s very intelligent and not an idiot. She knows I can “talk her up” and sound like such a great man and husband. But she also knows that out of the fullness of the heart the mouth speaks, and if I said “a wife is like that”, some really negative opinion about wives in general and her in particular was being uncovered and that therefore we had some serious talking to do.

    And I didn’t say Driscoll was sinister. I said something sinister is going on. There’s a difference.

  • Gun Nordström

    “But have you heard the expression “follow the money”? That´s what you do with businesses and organisations if you want to see what’s really going on.” I appreciate very much your work here to follow the words of the preachers in order to show the truth, that will resonate in every persons heart that read and look at your cartoons, also in the hearts of them who get angry at you (especially then?)

    What follows now, I know should be written in some other place and I really understand if you are skipping this. But as followers of Christ, I think it’s very important for everyone to get to know the present truth of the global economic system because it includes all of us. I assume some of you are already informed but you who are not, go to

    Youtube Monopoly Men (Federal Reserve Fraud) or
    Youtube The Federal Reserve Explained in 3 Minute or
    Youtube Planned Economic Collapse 2013-2014
    At the same time you will find out that according to your constitution its illegal that you are paying taxes on your salery from a personal job in any company!!! And by the way, the FED system came to us in Europe two years ago when our European men of politics met with American dito and found out how easy it is to make money out of air. The European Central Bank got “the right”? (or was forced?) to manufacture euros in the same way as the FED in the USA make dollars, as FED was afraid that the banks in Europa (of which they own they greatest part) would collaps because of the economic crises in Greece, Spain, Portugal and Italy. I have phoned many media and asked why nothing is written in the papers about the system forced upon us.. I am getting very vague answers, only one man admitted he would loose his job. The media is owned by those in power.

  • WOTTHEBLEEP?! He must be reading some Bible I’ve never heard of…I don’t recall a single reference to a dripping faucet anywhere in it! OTOH, speaking of Proverbs – oh, the irony! – it concludes with the highest praise of the strong, powerful, autonomous woman anywhere in ancient literature.

    The Mark Driscoll. It BURNS. 🙂

  • In my very conservative, complementarian, Southern Baptist upbringing, if mama wasn’t happy, nobody was happy. For me and my brother, both mom and dad “wore the pants,” so to put it. Family decisions were made by both of them together, not dad laying down the law. Driscoll would make an excellent cult leader. Excellent post.

  • Brigitte Mueller
  • Adam Julians

    Proverbs 19:13 A nagging wife is like water going drip-drip-drip.
    Proverbs 27:15 A nagging wife is like water going drip-drip-drip

    Of course, a husband who treats his wife similarly is just as annoying.

  • You can be a dripping faucet too, Driscoll!