My Pagan Path – A Look Back Into When I Started My Journey

The Rev. Anya Sammler-Michael, senior co-minister at the Unitarian Universalist Congregation at Montclair, New Jersey asked, “When did you become a UU?” What she meant was not when we signed our names to the membership registry, but to think further back. She gave us a piece of her history, including when she felt she became a UU. She discussed in her sermon some of those signs that pointed her in that direction. Of course, this made me think about myself and my journey on the Pagan path.

I know that Paganism led me to the UU path and they merged quite nicely, in my opinion. The question is when did I not follow the Catholic path of my family. I always knew their path was not right for me. However, for a long time I thought I had no choice, so I went through the motions. I made Confirmation, because I thought I had no say. When I was younger I thought I had to marry someone outside my religion to convert to another.

As I look back and recall what may have led me here on this path, a few things stick out.

One vivid memory was when I was 13 years old. My parents, my brother and I went with my great aunt and great uncle to their summer home in the Pocono Mountains. I was at a souvenir store and a rose quartz stone caught my eye. My grandma gave me “spending money” for the trip. My mom asked me, “Why do you want to waste your money on a rock?” My only response was I really wanted it. I ended up buying the stone, a small ceramic owl and a golden egg. I still have them. That stone was a true sign; the gut feeling I had when I held it in my hands remains. I bought quite a few more before I knew that I was Pagan. One was a nice size amethyst which means a lot to me and another darker rose quartz.

However, it could go back even further. When I was a child who played in the dirt, despite suffering miserably with allergies. It would be more than gardening with my dad or mudpies under the tall oak tree in our backyard though. I do miss that tree, it had to come down for an addition we built onto the house. When I look at my yard now, I still remember feeling sad when my dad had it taken down. My family and I had family gatherings under that tree using it for shade from the hot sun.

I do believe everything happens for a reason. My childhood was not the greatest, I had two, maybe three friends, and one of those was a part-time friend. We would hang out outside of school but she wouldn’t associate with me around any of our classmates. I was bullied constantly as a child from the first grade on. This is why I never ridicule or make fun of anyone: it always felt wrong to me. I now stand up to others who do, which started in high school when I saw someone else being teased. You could say that was my Unitarian Universalist side coming out or both.

UU and Paganism really do tie in pretty well at least I believe they do. It is the first UU principle after all, “The Inherent Worth and Dignity of Every Person.” Though, I did want to fight back with the bullies. However, karma works and I have witnessed it more than a few times.

Those who say high school is the best years of your life never went to college. I made a ton of friends; a few of those I still associate with now. In college, my Catholic college that is (no, I don’t regret that one bit) I studied everything Pagan in their library. I guess you could say that I was pretty lucky to be able to find accurate books on our beliefs in the Catholic college library.

I was double lucky that the two college retreats I went on with the Catholic priest were very Pagan. For one, we held mass on the beach. I really have a connection with the shore. In one workshop we wrote down our good and bad traits that we saw in ourselves. We then had to burn the negative ones. Those things felt natural to me. I sat on the jetties just watching the waves crash by me. That was probably the first time I meditated. It was a magical experience.

Oh, and how could I forget my insomnia. Starting as a toddler, I was astral traveling everywhere and had no clue I was doing so. I went to car accidents and fires so frequently that to this day, when I smell diesel it takes me back. Ironically, as a journalist I now have to go to these horrible scenes. My parents didn’t have a clue either, and poo pooed my being upset: “It’s just a dream.” This led to me not wanting to sleep until dawn, something I only recently conquered.

I was 21 when I discovered the Pagan path. I may have learned that Paganism was a real spiritual practice in the “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” chat room. Go figure, finding something real in a mystical sci-fi television show chat group. I can no longer say this is when it started for me. This is when the light bulb went off though. Nevertheless, while this is all true, I really was Pagan years and years before. There were so many signs. I walked that Pagan path without any knowledge.

Then my elders, the Rev. Foxxy Pullen and her late husband Herm, took me under their wings. Three Fires Grove, a Druid learning community really guided me on my journey.

It’s nice to know now who I am and why I do what I do. It feels good when the pieces to the puzzle fit all together and you can see the whole picture.

So, think about when you started your journey on the Pagan path. I guarantee it was a lot earlier than you thought too.