Monday Morning Confessional

I confess that my wife was gone for most of the weekend & I had the boys all by myself. I confess that we all made it through w/out a scratch and with a rekindled respect and appreciation for mom. I confess that if “marrying up” is a real thing, I did.

I confess that I’m headed to Conception Abbey to pray with the monks, see Fr. Adam, and spend time w/my AMO fellows, so I may not be a very faithful blogger this week, but I will be a better person next week.

I confess that last week I interacted via email with some of my theological heroes around a story I’m writing for The Huffington Post. I confess that this was an amazing thing, even if it really had nothing to do with them caring anything about who I am or what I’m doing, and if you asked them who Tim Suttle is, most of them wouldn’t even remember my name. Nevertheless, I got an email from N.T. Wright, Walter Brueggemann, John Milbank, William Cavanaugh, Stanley Hauerwas, Brent Strawn, Jamie Smith, Ellen Charry, Miroslav Volf, Brian McLaren, and Sarah Coakley last week. If I was a “woot” person, now would be the time. But I’m not.

I confess that I am terrified of failure.

I confess that I’m a #3 on the Enneagram – pretty sure anyway – which means that my basic desire is to feel valuable & worthwhile. In my journey, I have filled this constant need to be valuable & worthwhile by accomplishing everything I can. To fail at something strikes a blow to my (false) self-worth. As a #3 (and a broken person), I have spent most of my life worrying that I’ll never amount to anything. This means that the hardest part of my discipleship will always be to simply accept the unconditional love of God. I confess that I’m struggling to accept and live in the unconditional love of God today – and I’m so thankful that God’s love is something I can count on, even when I would rather try it my way.

I confess that I actually watch & enjoy The New Girl… is that a guilty pleasure or just wrong?

I confess that I feel like I live a whole parallel life within my own head. I have a constant conversation happening in my own mind which is focused chiefly on epistemology & ontology. Who is this God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob? How has this God been revealed to us? How does it all work – this life, this redemption – and especially what part am I (and are we), meant to play? How can I think and live and act and be faithful to God? It never stops… ever. I confess that I wish that I could make it stop sometimes. It’s so exhausting.

I made my confession – now make yours!