Monday Morning Confessional – Suck it, Nerds.

I confess that I’m ridiculously impacted by other people’s opinion of me, and I’m beginning to wonder if I’ll ever really embrace the idea of just being who I am without trying to manage my own reputation.

I confess that I am now worried that the above confession will cause people whose opinion of me I value to think that I’m somehow weak or pathetic.

I confess that I love the phrase, “Suck it!”, even though it seems on the edge of being too profane for polite conversation. When Liz Lemmon says, “Suck it, nerds!”, I want to get up and dance.

I confess that I like the idea of eating healthy, but do not like healthy foods. I confess that I like the idea of eating organic food but like neither the price tag nor the spots on my apples.

I confess that I have never watched a single moment or read a single word of the Twilight saga.

I confess that I still wake up in the middle of night having dreamed that I’m most of the way through a semester course at college and have not yet gone to class, or have missed a test inadvertently. I confess that I was lost at a huge school like K-State and should probably have gone to a small college. I confess that it took nearly a decade after college was over before I stopped waking up on Saturday mornings scared to death that I had slept through the alarm that was supposed to wake me up to go drive a school bus (my horrible college job).

I confess that I feel the most affinity with hipster culture (in terms of arts, music, politics, worldview), but I constantly feel like an outsider because I can’t pull off certain important boundary markers: I’m a Bon Iver fan with a PC; an Arcade Fire junkie with zero fashion sense and no skinny jeans.

I confess that I am struggling with my own self-confidence right now. I think gen-xers have an innate fear of abandonment, which is how my low self-confidence seasons typically manifest. I confess that I know this is part of the struggle I open myself to as I pursue the type of spirituality which subverts the small self, or the ego. I confess that I’m in times like this I’m really grateful for my wife, who is simply the most faithful and generally accepting human being I’ve ever known.

I confess that I’m stalled out in my reading of the Bethge biography of Bonhoeffer. I’m about 400 pages in – less than half way – and really need a good 10 hour day to jump start.

I confess that in 2000, around 31 million people lived below the poverty line. In 2010 that number had grown to around 46 million, (16 million of whom are children). I confess that these numbers constantly haunt my subconscious mind.

I confess that I’m a baby when I don’t get my own way.

Okay people… I made my confession. Now it’s time for you to make yours!