FORGIVENESS IS A GIVEN, TRUST IS A GIFT

FORGIVENESS IS A GIVEN, TRUST IS A GIFT

In this world of social media where everyone has the capacity to say what they want immediately to anyone who will listen, the increase in hostility, betrayal, offense, and thus the need for forgiveness and restored trust become front and center. I know, personally, several ministry leaders and pastors who have chosen to give up on social media all together as a personal pursuit, because of the access it affords everyone to their private and personal lives to say and level anything against them in a public forum.

Since the pandemic, the increase in offense, disagreement, anger, opposition, and criticism has skyrocketed. As a pastor I see it, but also in the congregation I lead, filled with nurses, teachers, first responders, civil servants, and the list goes on have faced a marked increase in criticism and opposition. I even had a horse trainer say to me recently, “Have you seen an increase in conflict in dealing with people in normal basic everyday issues?” I said, “Yes.” They went on to say, “Because as a horse trainer I wonder if everyone has gone mad!”

The weight of offense that the average person is carrying today, especially if you are active on social media, is remarkable. The weight that the average pastor or ministry leader carries today is beyond reason compared to generations past. It can make you paranoid and drive you into a cave that you refuse to ever come out of as a leader. It can cause you to grow angst, a calloused heart, or just down right give up caring at all.

The weight of offense can also cause you to go the other way and allow people to infringe on the healthy boundaries God intends for us to have in real relationship with other people. I heard recently that the average person loses seven significant relationships in their life while a pastor loses that many each year. How do we navigate these waters? How do we find a balance between forgiveness and trust? Unfortunately, these two words get misused at times in relationships, especially by the one who is causing the offense. Certainly, we live in a world where our skin must get tougher, but how do we maintain tougher skin without giving way to that same toughness causing our hearts to grow cold, calloused, and indifferent to those we should trust?

I think it is important to remember this:

Forgiveness is a given.

Trust is a gift.

God requires forgiveness.

Trust is the most precious gift God gave us to share with Him and those we trust in our human relationships.

It is important not to confuse the two as you wrestle with conflict and offense in relationships.

1 Corinthians 13 in the Message Bible says, “Love doesn’t force itself on others.”

Don’t ever give into someone demanding you trust them. Run-away fast! A person who demands you trust them has something to hide or something to prove. Let no one demand your trust, otherwise it is coercion which is not trust at all. Trust is built over years and sadly lost sometimes in a day.  When someone shows you who they are believe them, forgive them, but God does not require you to trust them. Forgiveness is from God through you to others.  Trust is from you from observing and being in relationship with them.

Forgiveness by nature is a willingness to hold loosely how the person you are forgiving responds. True forgiveness requires self-control. So, forgiveness, true forgiveness that originates from the fruit of the Spirit will in turn produce that same fruit externally in relationship with the person they are forgiving. Humility is always at the core of forgiveness. But don’t confuse humility with softness or the inability to stand your ground in conflict with another.

Humility is a willingness to recognize you can’t do something apart from Christ. But once you have activated this mindset through holy actions, courage will always be the result and peace will always be the by-product. Courage gives you the ability to wait, let go, and trust the Lord to work in the other person. Peace gives you the ability to lay it down, open your hands, and know it ultimately is not up to you or the other person for that matter, but collectively the two of you must seek the Lord and each do what He is telling you to do. This then produces the fruit of the Spirit that enables you over time to restore trust. Trust is simply the willingness to say, I see God’s hand in your life. I see your willingness to follow God’s lead in your life and thus I trust my life back into your hands because I trust Christ who is leading you. And I once again trust you to trust Christ to lead you. However, in the meantime, what about all the other relationships of your life?

See one broken relationship in your life can cause you to view all other relationships through that fractured lens. It can cause you to assume and conclude due to the pain that this is not worth it and that every human relationship will ultimately end here given enough time. You must fight this mindset. You must resist these thoughts and feelings. You must grow in your ability to be wise in relationships without becoming jaded and distrustful of everyone around you.

While you work on a broken relationship, don’t quit trusting others who have earned the right to be trusted in your life because some have misused your trust.

Forgive everyone.

Trust the trustworthy.

But never let the one who broke your trust demand you restore it at their pace. Remember, those that truly love you don’t force themselves on you.

They don’t demand your trust!

They wait until you are ready. They understand their need to regain your trust with time through humility.

Blessings,
Pastor Kelly