The beach is fun. We all have fun at the beach. But do you ever worry that you’re NOT HAVING THE RIGHT KIND OF FUN at the beach?

No? Well, it’s never too late to start!

Here’s my sun-baked, margarita-fueled, photo-riffic guide to Fun at the Beach.

1

Beach wear. It’s important to start your day looking and feeling coordinated and glamorous. A retro swimsuit and cute cover-up skirt work nicely. You might want to consider putting on a light “natural” makeup to complete your look (with an SPF foundation, of course!).

It’s very important you take the extra time to look good so you can appreciate the contrast with the finger prints and grime on your largest mirror.

Take the picture anyway. You won’t look like that for long, but there aren’t any mirrors at the beach, so at least you can PRETEND you still look like this all day long. And self-confidence is half the battle, right?

2

Gather the hordes…I mean, your children…and pack them up to go. It’s not a beach day unless at least one child has to be dragged from their bed in protestation of being made to have fun, and one child is so impatient that they’ve been up since 6 AM asking when you can leave every 5-15 minutes.

3

Find a good beach. This is my preferred beach:

Some people like oceans, some people like lakes, and other people swim in rivers. We swim in a flooded quarry-turned-conservation area. The water isn’t as cold as The River*, and we like the swimming instructors. This also happens to be where I took swimming lessons as a child, and there is nothing to enhance your child’s beach experience like being entertained with your stories of “the way it was when I was a child.”

Speaking of lessons…

4

Make sure your children know how to swim.

I’m a big believer in swimming lessons for children, preferably taught in open water. (Unless you live in Louisiana. All the open water in Louisiana contains Things That Think You Look Tasty.) Ontario has a lot of lakes and rivers and ponds, and the point of teaching children to swim is not so that they can demonstrate a perfect butterfly stroke in competition someday. It’s so that they don’t die in all the beautiful, scenic water. A child who learns to swim in a nice, clean, clear, sanitized indoor pool may not remember all of their lessons when they fall out of a boat and find themselves sharing the water with seaweed, fish, and something smooth that just brushed past my foot ohpleaseno…

This child is not only learning how to tread water…he’s also learning that the snake in the water under the dock wants as little to do with you as you do with it, so just keep your head up and kick.

5

Children, water, sand, and room to play–let silliness ensue.

Where else can you shoot water guns at random strangers without even a single rebuke? In Pascal’s case, first he borrowed the water gun from random strangers, THEN he shot at other random strangers. Good times all around.

Everyone you brought to the beach should spend as much time as possible actively running around, swimming, or digging in sand. Well, everyone but you. If you’re lucky and play your cards right, YOU can get in a chapter of a good book while sipping on cold water from your cooler and sitting in the shade. You swam a few laps when the kids were in their lessons. You did your bit to model active living. Now you can model “adult self care while the kids play.”

6

Bring a snack, or a lunch if you’re going to be at the beach anywhere near the midpoint of the day. All that swimming and silliness (and lounging with a book) is going to work up an appetite. Finger foods are best–Aetheline is eating grapes in this picture. Forget any silly ideas of waiting to eat when you get home. Remember, everything tastes better with a few grains of sand.

7

Take a break. The sun, sand, and swimming should reduce all of your children to states of near-zombie catatonia for the rest of the day. The house is quiet, and nobody is going to stop you from taking a nap.

And why not? You planned the perfect beach day. Take that nap. You deserve it!

*The River is the St. Lawrence River. Around here, none other merits the epithet. I’ve lived near the Mississippi. It’s not even a contender. We get ocean liners down the St. Lawrence, people. It’s magnificent**.

**And cold.

Go check out other Quick Takes over at This Ain’t The Lyceum!