Adversity often inspires reflection. And, if we have the luxury to choose, it might lead to transformation. Often, that action includes deepening one’s faith and spiritual life and a new perspective.
That’s what moments of adversity during 2023 have done for me. My then-partner (now husband)’s cancer diagnosis was the catalyst for this interesting last year.
Our love for each other wasn’t in question. Walking with him on his treatment journey without allowing him to comfort me was my self-imposed challenge. After all, faith leaders are supposed to be strong and always ready to support everyone else.
This led to pent-up emotions, which were only released during 3 a.m. sobbing sessions in the living room so that he couldn’t hear me. My fear manifested itself in other ways. Living each day like it was our last inspired me to make every event monumental.
A week in Cancun was filled with amazing moments that allowed us to forget that cancer was ever a part of our lives. Being unable to snorkel together (such a first-world problem) because neither of us could manage it shattered my hope for the perfect vacation.
Other attempts to ignore reality included using a variety of poor coping mechanisms that led to poor choices (involving nothing illegal or unethical) that impacted relationships.
Shame gripped me, even as my partner began his cancer treatment journey. After all, this faith leader failed at being blameless. Meanwhile, my partner was experiencing unexplained pain, leaving him unable to function.
Fear gripped both of us during our trips to his week of treatment. We thought the suffering would end with the treatment. Doctors assured us his pain and fatigue were all due to the treatment.
We discovered that Lyme Disease, anemia, and iron deficiency were the culprits. Between two urgent care visits, a conference with three of his sons announced that our June 22, 2024, wedding might need to happen sooner for practical reasons.
Thankfully, he’s recovered, but he still opted to marry earlier than expected while planning a June celebration. My Catholic husband and I joined in matrimony in a small ceremony in our apartment on Nov. 10.
This journey from adversity to joy spurred me to reflect on faith, life, love, and ministry. Discovering and accepting that this faith leader was a Catholic-adjacent Protestant also dominated most of the year.
That is, until the realization that I’m both fully Catholic and Protestant hit me. Ironically, growing up in a conservative evangelical, nondenominational church left me with a Catholic bias.
Becoming a tenant of Paul Magno, a Catholic Worker Movement devotee, and working alongside Washington Interreligious Staff Community colleagues from NETWORK Lobby for Catholic Social Justice during my tenure as a United Church of Christ Justice & Peace Policy Fellow on Capitol Hill conquered those biases.
Doing so opened the door to meeting James Cyril Sweeney, my future husband, and becoming an active member of Dignity Washington, a faith community for LGBTQIA+ Catholics.
Since then, my involvement has extended to the chapter and DignityUSA board membership. My personal experiences and pursuing my Doctor of Ministry degree, first at Howard University School of Divinity and now at Pacific School of Religion, energized my reflection on ecumenical ministry.
This reflection led this ordained United Church of Christ minister to begin the journey of becoming an ordained Convergent Catholic Communion priest. The journey will culminate in me ordained as a deacon and priest, hopefully during Black History Month.
Adversity has yielded joy and transformation.
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