One

The trees are beginning to flame, one by one, into red and gold. Trying not to think about the long leafless months ahead. When I’m in the middle of them I don’t mind so much, but I dread them as the leaves fall and flitter, one by one, to the grave. Lots of my time is spent examining other people’s windows and the positions of their trees and evaluating how much sunlight they can expect in the winter. So so tempting to stop and knock on people’s doors and suggest certain careful pruning.

Two

Sort of sad that Scotland didn’t vote for independence. I mean, I think it’s sensible that they didn’t, why bite the hand that’s feeding you, but England should give it to them as a gift anyway. Still, change is so much work so it’s better to leave things as they are. Enjoyed reading about it all week as a little light change from the continued horrific onslaught of terrible news on every side, both near and far.

Three

Nearly done with the Bible. What shall I read next, I wonder….that was just a little joke. Obviously I’ll read it again. Not going to go chronologically this time though. Probably going to do the two chapters of the Old, one chapter of the New and a Psalm routine. Love going chronologically but the long period of depression through Ezekial and Jeremiah can’t be born every time. Took me ten months, this time, rather than a whole year.

Four

Woke up, in the early morning, to “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”. These words before the onslaught of so many other words, the words of Facebook and email and lists and failures, and sin. Before anything. Am always shocked by this not being condemned. Of course, it’s only a shock if you do live with a sense of condemnation. It only is a grace if you look across the landscape of your soul and see plenty of reason for condemnation. Had a little visitor to Solemn Communion last night who felt gloriously happy about herself. Never having sinned, never having fallen short, never having offended God or anyone, she was happy to report she would be spending eternity in comfort and peace. Hated to break it to her, but the feeling of being perfect isn’t enough to cut it. She was shocked by the idea of condemnation, as I am shocked by not being so. Praying she comes back because the leap from being condemned to not being condemned is so amazing and wonderful, obviously much nicer than to being condemned in the first place. When people wonder why God allows suffering, I think the answer is so much about God’s knowledge of joy. That somehow, strangely, the relief and shock of being rescued from something is greater and more wonderful than never having been in trouble at all. We want never to be in trouble, but God knows that by us being in trouble, being in the way of perishing, and then him snatching us out and setting us on dry ground in safety, we will have seen who he is where we couldn’t have before.

Five

Picked raspberries yesterday so going to make jam over the course of the weekend. Takes me many days to make jam. What is my method, you ask? It involves Dumping all the fruit into a pot and adding lots and lots and lots of sugar. Turning it on. It starting to burn it. Turning it off. Freaking out. Becoming distracted. Wandering off to church. Discovering at the end of the day that it’s still there. Deciding to do something about it tomorrow. When tomorrow comes, turning it back on. Discovering there’s no pectin and adding an apple. Discovering there’s no jars and going to buy some. Finally, four days later, jarring the jam. Praying it’s not disgusting. Giving it all away so as to never know how badly it turned out.

Six

Finally hung up pictures of all the kids. Alouicious has been on the wall by himself for ages, his sad angry little face in a place of honor. But now the rest have joined him. These are some of the only real live physical pictures I have of the kiddos. Everything else is digital. And what am I going to do? Print them out? Put them in an album? What kind of time do you think I have? Oh, I’m sorry, you weren’t questioning me, were you. That was just the inner angry voice of rebellion. Hung them all under Matt’s sword. Look how safe we are! There’s a sword on the wall. Home intruders beware.

Seven

And now I guess I’ll get out of bed, being that it’s 9am and I’m still here, blogging, even though I “woke up” at 5. The boys went to bible study at 6:30 and the girls all slept till 8. I never thought this day would come. Assumed I’d be getting out of bed at 6 forever, but slowly, ever so slowly, they’ve slept longer and longer and left me more and more alone. The story from Solemn Communion last night included a brief telling of Jesus feeding the 5000. “He went to a desolate place,” I said, “to be alone. Have you ever wanted to be alone?” They all shook their heads. “Well,” I said, “your parents might have wanted to. When I want to be alone I go from one room to another, and the crowds follow me, wherever I go, there are the crowds. But see what Jesus says to the crowds. He doesn’t get out of the boat and say, for heaven’s sake, will you guys leave me alone for a few minutes! No. He has compassion. He feeds them.” Just like I’m going to now. See how like Jesus I am? Feeding my children even though I just fed them yesterday.

Go read Jen!