Reality: It’s Overrated

Discovered yesterday why the house is falling to bits, well, part of the reason. It's not because I've totally given up, although really I think I have. It's not that my standards are too high, although probably they are and I should relax and be less of a jerk. It's not that the little girls are destructive, although they completely are. It's that Elphine, imperceptibly, has become my right arm. And her falling into sickness and sadness has dealt me a real blow. As she languished on the couch yesterday, pale, unable to talk, sleeping and reading Calvin and Hobbes, I was left to face the reality of five other children who haven't had to listen or attend to me because Elphine jumps in and does what I say, cheerfully and without complaint, like the Bible says. Whereas the others fall immediately into fights and living out the selfish passions of the flesh, spending whatever time I have allotted to a task on not doing it.

Wound my way to the end of the day in horror and unhappiness. How did this happen? First of all, why isn't my twelve year old an angry pre teen? I've been promised she would be and I've been bracing myself. Why is she a good humored, helpful, capable girl who gets down to work without fussing about every. little. tiny. task? I'm not unhappy, I'm just confused. I'm such a bad mother, this couldn't possibly have happened.

Second, I'm not that bad of a mother so what's wrong with all the others? How come they're so lazy and argumentative and unable to pick up a pen or a piece of paper without falling into the sin of crying about it? How have they managed to hide behind Elphine without me noticing? I mean, I don't notice plenty, but I'm surprised I didn't see this at all.

It's so interesting how God let's us occassionally see reality. I'm so grateful that I'm not faced with the full amount of reality all the time, that I can go along in a relative fog, seeing only part of the way things are. This little insight into what's been happening in my house has been shattering to my peace of mind, as well as discouraging, showing me how much more work I have than I thought I did. I'm hopeful God won't show me anything else for a week, while I deal with children who need discipline and obedience brought to them in a bigger and more convincing way.

Certainly, I hope he won't show me any more of my own sin. My impatience with the children and with dirt is plenty for me to work on right now. I don't want to discover that I've neglected to forgive someone, or that I'm harboring something ugly in my own soul.

Have a lovely day!