One

I'm not emotionally organized enough to be a person who takes blogging breaks “on purpose”. They're the sort or eventualities that happen to me, unplanned. In this case, we suddenly made the decision to go away, not where we originally ought to have gone, to the CANA clergy retreat in Florida, but instead to see Matt's grandmother who has lately been ill and who is more and more confused, dwelling fixedly and unhappily in The Kingdom of Anxiety, where the mind doesn't do what you want it to do, where you rise up at the sound of birds, and strength and knowledge slip tragically away. It was suddenly the right thing to do, leaving long long lists for a capable and beloved young lady, who gathered the children in the safety and comfort of their regular environment while we, Matt and I, muscled through the best and most obnoxious way of getting quickly thousands of miles thence–Delta. And then, as we landed in the rest and heat of the glorious south, all the words I might ever have assembled fled from my fingers and I went dazedly from one day to the next having nothing to say. Not only so, I took only one picture, rather walking around with my eyes open and wondering if the internet is all I ever wanted, perhaps there might have been something more.

Two

Here is the picture.

Levee, the dog, has never really loved me before, but I think it must have been because of the many loud children I always bring with me. This time he came up to me and lay down and looked sorrowful and so I had to rub his tummy for quite a long time. He, unlike Ash, is a real dog, at least in size. Ash is probably a real dog in spirit, although his weeping like a little girl when we arrived home did not reinforce that truth. Had to hold him for nearly an hour to stop the incessant crying.

Three

Felt naked for the three or so days we were gone. Strange to move through time and space without counting all the time, “one, two, three, fourfive…onetwothreefour, five, oh six, ok let's go” over and over. We just walked around, don't you know, and got in and out of cars, and ordered a coffee without hearing, “Youneverbuyusanything!! Iwannacookie!!” And, “I'm thirsty.” Read books and stared at the sky. Ate too much food. Recieved daily phone calls from Elphine who updated me about what she was doing, what everyone was doing, and what they were going to do. Then she would say, “what are you doing?” and I would tell her.

Four

Read so much Barbara Pym in such a short time…there isn't really an end to that thought. Considered over and over, “what I like best about Barbara Pym…” and ended up with a small inconsequential list of what it is that's so clever about her writing. At her most basic point, really, she perfectly describes the fussiness of my own mind. There is so much clutter and fuss and worry in between my two ears, but not about what you might hope, like World Peace or How Shall I Better Follow Jesus. It's mostly all wondering if I'll have time to “tidy up” and feeling unhappy about the quality of the tea in restaurants, if there is any, and wondering how other women feel walking around in their tall heels. I could go on, but you could also just go read her. It's the ordinary, small, narrow scope of life, plus her excellent timing.

Five

Now that we're home I won't be reading any more. The bishop is coming this weekend. Going to clean the house today and tomorrow, and think about a nice dinner for Saturday evening, and clean the house, I mean, really, we've got to clean the house, not just pick up, but clean away dirt and grim and clutter. And all the time worry about the fact that the trees are so so beautiful but that it's threatening to rain, and so the leaves will fall, and we will be left desolate for months and months, staring at the brick corner of the church and the brown expanse of the naked hill.

Six

Finished Revelation while I was gone. The line about those martyrs particularly who suffered beheading leapt out at me. Not that it must be the end of the world, although sometimes it feels like that, but that everyone is accounted for, not a single one is lost. Didn't feel devestated, for the first time, after this reading but was surprised by order and quiet with which all the bowls of suffering are poured out over the world. The world is in chaos, but God is not. He is not reacting in anger, but rather through the calm mercy and justice of his will he is bringing everything to its right conclusion. Was also surprised, again, by how, just like Jesus is the key that unlocks the Old Testament, the Old Testamenf is the key that unlocks the book of Revelation. Everything is re comprised and seen again.

Seven

Have to go and make another pot of tea. We arrived in San Antonio very late Sunday night and on Monday morning, after scrounging around looking for not good but at least drinkable coffee and tea, Matt's dad arrived with a capacious bag from which he produced a hot pot, a French press, a bag of coffee, and a reallio trulio actual tea pot. That, ya'll, is grace.

Have a great day and go read Jen!