Seven Tired Takes

One

I guess I can’t wake up before seven any more. It used to be that I woke up at six, and then it pushed back to six thirty, and this week it seems to be seven. If I was all science-y I might be able to think of some rational explanation for this occurrence but I’m not and I can’t. It must be because I’m more than usually evil right now. The children also no longer wake up before seven. We drag ourselves desperately out of bed trying to be in our right minds for piano and bible study two days a week, but the rest of the time we sleep and then feel terrible about how late it is. So thankful, so deeply and profoundly thankful that I’m not out in the cold with a gaggle of little kids waiting for a bus before the light dawns every day. God is a merciful God.

Two

Have fallen into some kind of blogging slump. As I mentioned before, I have plenty I’d like to write about but it doesn’t need to go straight up on the Internet. I started writing some of it yesterday, which was good and calming, but I wish I had a steady stream of light fluff I could think of to put here. Marigold says plenty of interesting stuff but she says it really fast and I can’t keep a hold of it. Right now, next to me, she is chattering about how she can’t ice skate on diamond skates and wondering when all the people will move away, and listing things she could wear, and guessing we’ll be fine. She’s also rubbing her disgusting nose all over me.

Three

The children all have a bit of a cold. Romulus has been coming up next to me, friendly like, to hear better, or see whatever it is I’m doing, and then coughing violently and snuffling his nose. Been trying not to scream at him, even though I’m pretty sure he is subconsciously trying to infect me. Aloucious on the other hand has been giving moment by moment updates about how

he’s feeling and how hard or easy it is to breathe and what he feels like when he’s trying to eat and breathe at the same time. “How fascinating,” I say, “so thankful you let me know all about it.” Sarcasm and bread and butter. Don’t know how I would get through a day without just a little bit of it. Children are so humorless, especially when they imagine themselves to be sick.

Four

Matt is talking at IV tonight, 7:30 I think, if any of you Binghamton bound want to come. He’s talking about faith and reason and, having seen the advance copy, it’s pretty good. It got me thinking, heh heh heh, about how irrational I am most of the time, how I physiologically react to events. Like, my phone rings, and my heart rate immediately flies up and out of the window, my palms sweat, I get jittery and angry, and drop the phone like its a covered in Ebola and then I immediately leap in to apply some rational excuse for the emotions and physical reactions of my flesh, often with a spiritual shellac. I can’t answer the phone because I’m busy doing school right now and Jesus doesn’t want me to lead an un-prioritized and disordered life. I’d better let it go to voice mail because that would be the godly decision. This happened to me a couple of times this week, not about the phone. I was smacked back by a wave of anger or sadness and then stood around trying to justify those responses in spirituality and Jesus. I ought not do this. The wave of emotion is fine and normal, and it comes from somewhere or is rightfully triggered, but it isn’t the measure of everything. Letting it be seen by the light of the mind and of scripture, rather than obscuring it or protecting it by more “rational” self justification is not the way of life. This is not really the substance of Matt’s talk, but it led me to this rightful sense of guilt.

Five

Which is good because I toiled away through the Bible but wasn’t awake enough to be surprised by any of it. Need to wake up, for real, and read and pray, instead of lying around in the darkness of the dying autumn light.

Six

Had a really good school week. Going to write it up in Learning Notes tomorrow. Gradually feeling my way into a balance between slowing way way down and persisting and doing the big pile of work every day. There are so so so so many things we ought to be doing, but am trying to not to be ruled by those. Am trying, instead, to actually do the things that we are doing. This sounds so stupid to write down. No kidding. Do the things that you are doing. But it’s harder than you would imagine, to actually do that which you are doing. Oh look, there’s some sun. See? It’s terribly hard to keep focused.

Seven

Alright, if I’m going to start school by ten I actually have to get out of bed. More’s the pity. Have a great weekend! Go read Jen. Suggest to me stuff to write about. Check back for learning notes. Or don’t do any of that. Lead your own happy life and resist being bossed around by me!