The Preach Moment

Gladys and I missed church yesterday. I know this does happen periodically to the vast majority of all Christian people world wide. A person can't go to church every single Sunday because sometimes a person gets sick, or has a ton of babies, or has to travel, or, well, I don't know. I hear all the time about how people can't be in church because of various mitigating factors. And I usually just nod my head and keep making coffee, or trying to scrub sugar off the floor, because we don't ever miss, not because we're super holy, but because it's our job to be there. I did hear of a priest once just not showing up for services, and then a short time later I learned that said priest was no longer with that particular congregation.

Still, and this is only and completely the grace of God, I like church. I like organized religion. I like to fuss around in church. I like to be there all the time that other people are there. I like to be first one there and the last one to leave. So not going is a weird unpleasant experience. And then dressing up as if I'd been to church and going to lunch with everyone else who did go to church, well, that was pretty weird, although totally delicious.

So, while I was missing church and was waiting for lunch and helping Gladys not to be smothered by the super cute dog, I flipped around looking for a TV preacher. Surely, I thought, there will be church on TV, because I've heard that there is. I did find Joel Osteen, from whom I clicked away before his teeth could blind me, and I tried two minutes and thirty seconds of Andy Stanley, and then some guy I've never hear of on TBN, and then the very end of the rosary on EWTN. And then I turned it all off and read a novel.

And so here's what's wrong with Andy Stanley, and everybody else really, because I know you're longing for my summation of three minutes of TV preaching. Here it is, ready? I Can't Do It. I can't do the work you're telling me to do. I can't be welcoming enough. I can't be happy enough. I can't be positive enough. I can't be good enough. I can't be sinless enough. I can't pray enough. I can't rest enough. I can't do it. I'll just repeat that, as if I were actually saying this to Andy Stanley, I Can't Do It. And you telling me to work harder actually just makes me angry and slightly hating of God. Stop piling work on me. I can't do it.

Rather than that, how bout cracking open that electronic bible of yours and talking about God, just for a few minutes. I really don't care about what you think I should do, or who you think God is, or what God's purpose is for my life. I'm not turning on the tv to find out what you think I should do and be. This is why, if you can't make it to church, don't turn on the tv. Read the bible, out loud, and then go work in the garden or something. Don't watch this garbage. The shiny screen, the polo shirt, the gesturing, it doesn't make the preacher into a real preacher. A real preacher opens up the bible and tries to understand what the bible itself is saying about God. A real preacher doesn't need power point. A real preacher doesn't need to read a study about what people most regret in their lives. A real preacher doesn't need to lower the voice soothingly when saying something satanic like this, to paraphrase Andy Stanley, “the number one regret people name is not letting themselves be who they really are.” Not only is the grammar terrible, that particular sentiment is from the pit of hell.

It's not about you. Church isn't about you. It's not about the work you can do. It's not about how to get more out of life. It's not about making you feel good. It's not about you. It's about God. And any preacher that says anything otherwise is lying to you and you should get out of there.

Amen. And now I'm going to go kick the door of the car, because this house is really pretty and I don't want to get my sandal print on the beautiful paint. Have a lovely day!