I’m An American But I’m Not

That Buzzfeed I am a Christian But I’m Not video keeps circling back through my life, even though it’s practically old. When did it come out? On the weekend? And every time I see it I get mad all over again. It occurs to me that the video, in so far as it is a reflection of current trends, veers off the rails because of misplaced fear. It’s not ok to be Christian anymore, obviously. If you believe in real marriage you are not welcome to hang on to your Starbucks investments. If you believe in real marriage and refuse to sign lying marriage certificates you get to go to jail. If you happen to be a real Christian anywhere near ISIS you get to die.

Christianity is not on the rise, which is fine. What else were we supposed to expect? A careless reading of the bible indicates that our lives are supposed to be difficult and, at times, perilous, as the world figures out what it is that we believe and recoils in horror. The problem with the buzzfeed Christians is that they appear to have embraced a fear of the culture rather than a fear of God. Please don’t reject me, I am just like you. Which, well, I mean, I totally get it. I don’t want to be hated by all and rejected. But it’s a foolish choice, for them, and for Christianity in the west in general. Better to be afraid of God, who hates sin, and evil. So, I had a thought, what if I had to explain to God my various choices and attitudes as an American? What would I say, if I was talking to him rather than to the haters? I suppose it would be something like…

I’m an American but I really am desperately sad about all the dead babies and about my own tax money going to contribute to the slaughter.

I’m an American and I really wanted the good news of Jesus to go out into my neighborhood and I tried to tell many but they didn’t want anything like that because they already have everything that they need. Also, I didn’t try hard enough.

I’m an American but I don’t believe that marriage is a human institution that can be made and shaped by cultural preference.

I’m an American but I don’t love the heavy cloud of consumerist complacency that wearies and tethers the soul to this changeable and foolish world.

I’m an American and I’m desperately sad about the fate of Christians around the world but when I, and others, appealed to my government I received a big no of unconcern.

I’m an American but I am really offended that the U.S. exports the marriage lie around the world .

I’m an American but I don’t buy into the foolishness that gender and sexuality are malleable and that I can do whatever I want.

I’m an American but I don’t really watch TV any more because there’s nothing on and it’s too depressing anyway.

I’m an American but I don’t find the bible to be boring or stupid and I think Christianity is an intellectually demanding exercise.

I’m an American and I do really love the Internet, so at least we all have that in common.

I’m an American but I only love Beyoncé if Pomplamoose is singing her.

I’m American but my Americanness is conditionally subordinate to my being a Christian and so therefore I don’t expect for this to end well for me.

Also, I am an American but I don’t really feel it most of the time because I’m not from here, did I mention that I’m not from here?

When God looks down his nose at me and says, ugh, you’re an American, I will have to fall flat on my face and beg for mercy because he is holy and just and I, as an American, am implicated in some terrible lies this culture is telling. But maybe he will read this blog and be ready for my repentance.