7QT: Bread, Birthday, Trump & Kylo Ren

Time for some quick takes, in the spirit of there being bits and pieces but nothing long enough to take on the nature of a full post.

One
The Magic Flour, omw, so amazing. First of all, I’ve eaten bread for three days in a row and I’ve lost ten ounces. That may seem nitpicky to you, but when you’re trying to only lose, say, three pounds, every ounce counts. It’s so amazing I may even restart my half hearted workout program. But even more charming than the ten ounces is the not having the blood sugar spikes of regular bread, conjoined together with the not feeling bilious and unhappy from only eating piles of meat and broccoli. This may really be the thing that finally solves all my problems. What is the name of the flour? Um…I will take a picture of the package and put it in some unrelated blog post because I’m a terrible speller and the name of it seems obscure and difficult to me.

Two
Speaking of which, spelling I mean, I want to offer a word of thanks to all those who, these past few days, have so lovingly pointed out my various errors of spelling, punctuation, and picking of the wrong word. As you know, I am always seeking to sharpen my craft and be a better, holier person. Just remember, as you leap up to correct me, that, 1. I am typing on a tiny keyboard in the dark with bad eyesight, while beating back puppies and children 2. I am naturally an appalling speller 3. This blog is not like a book, it has no editor and doesn’t cost you anything to read it, and most importantly 4. (Imagine me whispering faintly right now) I don’t have time to get in and make corrections by the time you find them, it’s just the Internet, it’s not that important, and therefore…..oh never mind, I can’t say it, I’m not that mean.

Three
You can put my errors of grammar and spelling into the category I put Trump’s biblical knowledge–a gift to humanity. This, this is so wonderful,

“Well, I think many. I mean, when we get into the Bible, I think many, so many. And some people, look, an eye for an eye, you can almost say that. That’s not a particularly nice thing. But you know, if you look at what’s happening to our country, I mean, when you see what’s going on with our country, how people are taking advantage of us, and how they scoff at us and laugh at us. And they laugh at our face, and they’re taking our jobs, they’re taking our money, they’re taking the health of our country. And we have to be firm and have to be very strong. And we can learn a lot from the Bible, that I can tell you.”

Reminds me of that long convoluted joke that ends in “The Koala Tea of Mercy is not Strained.”

Four
I am now the glowingly proud mother of a twelve year old. Alouicious has passed over that glorious threshold and we have fêted and rejoiced over his making it this far. I am seriously relieved that my two older children are turning out to be people who can hold actual conversations and are funny to boot. When you’re wallowing in babies and struggling to shovel food into every screaming mouth, and then being whined and nagged at all. the. time, you get into the way of thinking it will always be so, especially when other people are always saying, “Ohhhh, Teenagers, I feel sorry for you, tsk tsk tsk.” As if you could bear the insanity of a child never growing up and talking to you like a normal person. This is why I don’t get the prolonging of adolescence into the twenties and thirties. Growing up is so much better than not growing up. I look forward to the day when my fine young son gets himself a job and moves out. In the meantime, I am enjoying his impeccable timing on jokes.

Five
Don’t send me nasty messages, of course I will be very sad when they all leave and I am left alone and desolate. On the other hand, I’m pretty sure I will be able to bear up under my afflictions.

Six
Accidentally poured a whole can of crushed tomato into my Birthday Meat Pie. It made everything a sort of strange orange color but it was, as you might imagine, delicious. I don’t usually add tomato. Generally it’s ground beef and pork, onion, garlic, carrots, mushrooms, wine, cream, and the finger of the divine, mellowed together and baked into an ordinary pie crust. But there I stood, my head not screwed on tightly enough, dumping a whole can of tomato right in. So delicious, but so orange once it came out of the oven.

Seven
I have taken it upon myself to rename the puppy. His name is officially Poseidon, shortened to Posie, which is more than gracious of us because he is a chihua-weenie, by nature a ridiculous kind of dog. Actually, he is quite noble and pretty looking, all silky black and soulful about the eyes. Therefore, because of the combination of his delicate looks and terrible narcissistic demanding personality, I have renamed him for my favorite Disney princess, Kylo Ren. Everyone else is carrying on shouting, “Posie Stop It” but I now bellowing, my lungs literally coming out of my throat, “Kylo Ren” and in this way my heart is completely satisfied.

Have a lovely weekend and go check out more takes!