Because Science

I am typing this to the dulcet sounds of Matt’s early morning work out. Each word is punctuated by a weight banging down on the floor. Fortunately he has nice heavy matts so that the carpet isn’t being destroyed. Later he is going to come up here and think that we should go on a walk, so that I can keep getting into “the best shape of my life”, but little does he know that I have woken up with some kind of foul head cold and that death is creeping over my limbs and body and that I’m probably never going to be able to walk again.

And, most fortuitously, my life, and feelings, are backed up by science. Seriously, this is the best thing I have read ever. Writes the author of this fabulous bit of news,

“But you can stop berating yourself now. You may just be giving in to humans’ evolutionary instinct to be lazy. At least that’s the theory of one Harvard professor who believes our ancestors exerted so much energy hunting and gathering that they sought rest whenever they could. We are predisposed to want to conserve energy.”

Gosh I love science. I read the whole thing three or four times from sheer joy and wonder. I think, now, because this is all definitely true, and laziness is an evolutionary part of my core being, that I should go one step further and not just accept that I’m lazy, but celebrate it with cake and a lie down.

As I was clicking away from my fourth read, Facebook thought I’d be interested in reading studies proving that lazy people are smarter, and the ten ways that lazy people get ahead in life without trying. I thought about clicking them, but it seemed too much of an effort. I had already spent so much time reading this important science finding that I didn’t want to strain myself. Plus, I was reveling in the warm glow of knowing that Harvard, that great and august institution, is spending it’s time and money on important matters such as these. I’m exited for my children to go there, or somewhere just the same, so that I can give them all my money enabling them to make more impressive and consequential discoveries.

And now the weights have fallen silent, so I am going to just slide down further into my bed and go back to sleep, so that there won’t be any argument about that unnecessary and contrary to my essential nature walk. Have a good day, if it’s not too much trouble.