There’s been a lot of great stuff in the news the last two weeks and I didn’t want it all to pass me by without offering a little bit of commentary. What’s the point of even having news if you can’t comment on it. (Don’t answer that.) But because I’m still technically on holiday I’m not going to provide any links. If you don’t know where to find these stories then I’m unclear about how you’re even reading this blog, since it also is on the internet.
Rosie O’Donnell Insists Democrats Never Ever Ever Become Pro-Life
This is a great story, and a great idea. You might have seen earlier in the week that some errant Democrat noticed that there are a whole lot of disaffected pro-lifers wandering around the wasteland of American politics, wishing they could have a home and a hot cup of Ovaltine to soothe the continual disappointment of never having anyone to vote for. This foolish person meekly suggested that maybe the party of the Democrats, who once welcomed such people, could perhaps welcome them again. But, you know, that’s a terrible idea, because people who don’t want women to kill their babies are stupid and bad and should never ever ever have anyone to vote for. Rosie O’Donnell leapt up onto Twitter to correct that foolish suggestion, threatening that she would start a political party of only women because who needs the men anyway, except only to help produce a baby so that it can be summarily executed before it sees the light of day, but other than that, what’re they good for? (Don’t answer that question either.) I think it would be wonderful if both these things happened–if Democrats made room for pro-lifers, and if all the women who love abortion more than anything went off into a corner to form their own special party. Then we could at least see how many there really are.
Scaramucci We Barely Knewcci
I just stole that headline from Twitter.
Incidentally, I find it odd that autocorrect insists that Facebook be capitalized but has nothing whatever to say about Twitter. I have to always go in manually to provide my own capital T, which is wearying to my flesh.
Anyway, that was a great week, wasn’t it? I loved it so much. I loved every single minute of coverage about this wonderful gentleman. I almost regretted, for a few nano-seconds, not voting for Trump. Had I known that something so delightful was going to unfold I might have actually even driven to my polling place. On the whole, I have not been disappointed even for one day by this administration. It’s been the #funnestthingever and Scaramucci was more satisfying than opening up a box of red shoes on Christmas morning.
Jellyfish Chips
Did you know that there are way too many jellyfish in the ocean? So many. And no one knows what to do with them because they’re out of control. But then someone had the curious idea of making them into a snack food. I mean, we all need a snack, and all those jellyfish need to be done away with, what better way to take those two needs and synthesize them, bring them together into one glorious solution….or, I dunno, isn’t there Anything Else we can do with them? Make them into a building material or something? Someone else try these delicious chips first and let me know.
And finally, How Great That North Korea Is Doing So Well With Its Plans To Blow Up The World
This is the best, isn’t it? There isn’t enough fear, loathing, anxiety, hysteria, and trouble in the world. It’s really good that humanity can ramp up the stakes just a little bit higher. I’m excited for what the future holds and all the calm diplomatic solutions that are going to unfold over the next few months.
And there you have it. Four news stories to keep you awake and sputtering into your morning cup of coffee. I don’t want you to suffer any complacency or rest or anything but outrage and panic all the time.
Although, speaking of outrage, why the random capitalization of words Apple? Here I am, tapping along on my minuscule keyboard, and you keep just changing the front letter as if I don’t know what I’m doing. No, I don’t want to capitalize day or panic. If I want that letter to be larger than life, I’ll do it myself. Pip pip.
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