Preventing Grace
Matt tagged me in this charming photo yesterday, and I thought I would just have a few words.
First, just go on and read it carefully, maybe even aloud, and savor every word, because this is so delicious. And then, when you’ve done that, make a list of all the ways you’ve failed in your personhood. Just kidding. Don’t make a list. Just sort of sit in the morass of who you are.
Now that you’re all settled and comfortable, let’s take a gander at what’s Good about this advice. Because there is something worthwhile here, even if you can’t taste it against the little bit of bile that came up onto your tongue from the darkness of your stomach. There are actually Two Good Things here. I’ll say them softly and soothingly, so that you won’t have to be upset by anything.
One, keeping a house and making it a comfortable sanctuary is a good, right, decent, worthy, honorable, and satisfying thing to do. To have one person who is able to devote her, or even him, self to the care and consideration of the physical location of where a family lives together is not only a good thing, it’s an increasingly lost thing. It’s a job that no one really believes needs to be done (go back into the depths of my archives and find the post about how the washing machine ruined western civilization) and therefore, when it takes time to do it, everyone–male and female alike–feels cheated and disoriented and alarmed. But actually having the time and psychological permission to worry over the making of beds and chopping of onions and placement of lamps and flowers is something lots of people deeply crave and would be satisfied by getting to do. Not everyone, but lots of people, including some women.
Two, keeping house is even nicer when you do it For Other People, even the person you’re married to. Taking care of other people is similarly good, right, honorable, worthy, and, yea, even satisfying. To think about another person and anticipate not just what he needs, but what he wants, is kind of the foundation of human community. It doesn’t happen without the thought and consideration of one person for another. We seem to be ok with this idea in a hospital or a restaurant. Why not at home? Why not elevate and embolden one person and give her–or maybe that’s too offensive, maybe it should only be him–the role and the permission to worry over the intimate details of the other people’s bodies and minds and souls. Such a calling would actually be good for the whole human family in it’s biggest and grandest sense.
So those are the two good things. What’s wrong with this advice? Don’t worry, I’m more than happy to tell you, if you can’t tease it out. Two things are wrong.
One, the man appears to be a baby. And…
Two, the woman also appears to be a baby.
What kind of job does this gentleman have that requires perfect quiet on his return home from work? Is he sitting on the nuclear button? My goodness, maybe along with the foot rub he should see a pastor and a counselor.
And also, that would be a big no about the bow in the hair. And also, the sublimation of the children’s personalities and personhood so that Father doesn’t have to be inconvenienced.
Ultimately, the husband will not really enjoy the company of his wife if she has so formed and fashioned herself around his home coming time that she has no personality and needs of her own. They will both be having their separate lie downs and eventually it will land them in the beds of other people who both speak and permit them to speak. It’s actually more alluring and thrilling to greet an actual human adult person with language and personality than an elegant baby dressed up as a doll with a bow in her hair. Of course, many men don’t actually know this, witness the incredible porn addiction of the entire western world.
Maybe the man could be a human and so could the woman. Maybe they could both be grown ups instead of coddled charaicatures of Masculinity and Femininity. Or not, maybe that’s just too hard for every single historical age.
Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In