3 Eye-Rolls for Thursday

3 Eye-Rolls for Thursday May 17, 2018

I Don’t Know If Its Yanny or Laurel
I have not watched that Laurel/Yanny thing. And now its gone on so long that I can’t watch it or I will be relenting from my cosmic rebellion. It will take an act of God (someone accidentally playing the clip in my presence) to move my soul.

The problem, though, is that I will have missed yet another “cultural moment” only this time by choice. This will leave me so far outside of the mainstream, as usual, that I will have no credibility about Anything At All Ever Again.

Is this Yanny/Laurel thing like having to own Air Jordans or see Star Wars? Seriously, what are the ramifications of not clicking on that link? Is it a salvation issue?

Devotionals For Men
I found a little booklet lying around called Strong in the Lord by someone called A. Trevor Sutton whom I have never heard of. The main thing about it is that it is not pink, so already that’s a serious upgrade from the female variety. I had thought, the patriarchy being what it was, that maybe it would be deeper and more interesting. I mean, I know devotionals for women have to be on the level of Precious Moments because women aren’t clever enough to read the Bible for themselves. So I thought this Strong in the Lord thing might be full of, I dunno, quotes from Augustine or something.

Happily (or unhappily?) the one about Solomon falling into idolatry and not following in the way of his father, David, goes like this,

“You must learn how to throw a football; snapping the perfect spiral is not a natural ability. You must learn how to fix a clogged drainpipe; plumbing is not an inmate talent. You must learn how to show respect to others; respect is not an automatic behavior. When you ask children where they learned these things, they will often say: ‘Dad taught me!’”

Decent so far….

“You must learn to drink milk directly from the carton; it is not a natural behavior. You must learn to track filth through the house while wearing muddy boots; such conduct is not innate. You must learn to slurp soup from your bowl. Children generally see someone else doing it before they mimic the behavior themselves. When children are asked where they learned these things, they will often say: ‘Dad taught me!’”

And now you’ve lost me. Besides the use of a colon before a quote, which seems incomprehensible to me, I think this person must not have met any children or had to “babysit” his own. Drinking straight out of the carton is natural behavior, as is tracking mud through the house. Its not drinking out of the carton that has to be taught. I’m so confused right now. Good thing men don’t have to read the Bible either, though. No one has to read it!

Pearls for my Eyelids
Something called popsugar breathlessly informed me this morning (after I clicked not the link trying to bare knuckle it away from the Yanny/Laurel thing) that someone named Kristen Stewart wasn’t satisfied with wearing a Chanel dress so she stuck a lot of pearls on her eyelids to fancy it up…well, I’m sure she herself didn’t

stick them there. Its not a #nailedit fail moment. She probably had a whole team of people gluing them on one by one. The effect is actually quite gorgeous in a let-me-light-all-the-money-in-the-world-on-fire kind of way.

Suppose I should drop everything and spend the day looking at what everyone is wearing at Cannes. Its either that or the laundry. The choice is clear.

Happy Thursday!

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