Book Notes: The Penguins Won’t Save Your Marriage

[This cat disapproves of your penguins.]

Mr. Popper’s Penguins is the worst. I’m pretty sure I liked this book the first time the first child read it. I thought it was cute and fun. Who doesn’t want a shipment of penguins! Children’s imaginations are important! Look how cute the…oh never mind. By the third kid my enthusiasm was starting to wane.

But now, by the sixth, the party is over. No. More. Penguins.

Also, if you’re looking for a study in how not to be in marriage, this is the book for you. All you need are the first two chapters, but believe me, it holds up through the whole wretched thing.

First of all, Mr. Popper needs to join the world as it really is. I’m sorry, but painting houses for the summer time, stopping the painting on September 29th, and then sitting in your living room for The Entire Winter reading magazines about penguins while your wife and children eat beans is not good enough. Get A Winter Time Job to go with your summer time one and then we can talk about the penguins.

Second, Mrs. Popper could try being more encouraging. It’s not very nice to say to a man who is obsessed with penguins that you think penguins are dirty and horrible. If that’s your “truth” you could try suppressing it. I know Mrs. Popper isn’t allowed to have a job in the Age of the Penguins and that she is super anxious about money, so really, all my sympathy is with her, but also, sarcasm isn’t really the gift we think it is (except for right now).

Third, I understand that what makes men so curious and wonderful is also what makes them completely exasperating, but thats’s why both people in a marriage have to respectfully contend with each other. When you share no interests in common with the person you are married to, you should still try. You should still make an effort. Mr. Popper’s bland disinterest in Mrs. Popper’s anxiety, and Mrs. Popper’s horror of Mr. Popper’s penguins is a recipe for tragedy. Getting a shipment of penguins doesn’t actually make it better.

Interestingly, all my children have hated this book, even while I’ve defended it. It’s not that bad! I say. What kind of annoying little kid doesn’t like penguins? Now, on my sixth run around, I think it’s Mr. and Mrs. Popper they don’t like. They are selfish rather than just quirky, and it feels a little bit dangerous and awful.

So there you are, Happy Thursday. And as you go, rewatch Benedict Cumberbatch trying to say penguin.