Well, I had something important on my mind today (Kanye West) but that was swiftly punted off into the ether just now when I saw this. What a gift! But first, I was on the kindled podcast recently with the glowing and very not oppressed Haley Williams. We talked about Rachel Hollis, of course. I certainly had a good time so I’m sure you will too.
Ok, so, get this, turns out motherhood is oppressive. And you didn’t even know, oh yes it is. Let’s find out why.
Chances are that when you hear the word “oppression,” you don’t picture your own reality, but some other poor woman’s. Pioneer women with abusive husbands were oppressed. Slaves are oppressed. Mothers forced to ration food among their children and still not able to stave off hunger are oppressed.
I mean, yes I would have said that slavery and abuse and starvation definitely cluster around the reality of oppression. This must be really dire.
By definition, though, oppression is not limited to “the exercise of authority or power in a burdensome, cruel, or unjust manner.” It is also defined as “the feeling of being heavily burdened, mentally or physically, by troubles, adverse conditions, anxiety, etc.”
Oh well, shoot, never mind. I guess this is going to be just as ridiculous as ever. Truly, you should click the link because the headlining picture is of a beautiful white woman in bed—alone, not covered by a pack of children—light coming in at the window, comfortable duvet sheltering her from her unlivable life. For me, nothing says oppression like a high thread count and a lie in.
So anyway, it’s oppressive, that’s what it is. I wonder, though, who it is that’s enacting the oppression? Is it the baby? I mean, babies are awful, imperious, totalitarian, demanding, and loud, the jerks. Is it the helpless anxious husbands who retreat into the background when snapped at by their exhausted, yoga-panted, harassed, entitled wives? Is it other mothers? Oh good! She has an answer, in the form of a list.
It’s not just unfortunate that postpartum support is so severely lacking in our country, it’s cruel that new mothers are expected to endure the stressors of baby rearing mostly alone, then magically “bounce back” to unrealistic pre-baby lifestyle, body shape and productivity levels.
Cruel I tell you! No one has any help! Unreasonable expectations! And I guess, in spite of all the education and the stuff, that no woman could take it upon herself to work out her own expectations for herself. I mean, there’s hasn’t been over a hundred years of feminism or anything. Women can’t vote or work outside the home or…oh wait, never mind.
There are some italics in there but my stupid tiny device won’t let me replicate them. My goodness, what part of the internet is this person reading? Sadly, lists don’t mean just one. There’s more!
It’s not simply overwhelming that parenting standards have risen dramatically while support systems have vanished, it’s an unfair setup that has mothers thinking their personal inadequacies are to blame for what is actually the fault of a broken system and distortions of reality.
Mmmmm. I love the smell of unfairness in the early morning. Well, I absolutely agree, my “personal inadequacies” have nothing to do with anyone, certainly not the lives of my children. What are they even? I’m not inadequate, I’m strong and fierce and beautiful or something. Come on lady, pick your message. Oh wait, I’m confusing this person with Rachel Hollis. Actually I think that would be helpful, of all people in the world, the author of this list needs to wash her face.
It’s not simply inconvenient that, given the cost of childcare and lack of benefits at most part-time jobs, mothers must choose between full-time work for pay outside the home or full-time work for no pay within it. It demonstrates the control by those more powerful that’s forcing millions of women to make counter-instinctual, heart-wrenching, disempowering decisions mere weeks within giving birth.
I know, I know, poverty absolutely sucks. There are so many women around the world who give birth and the next day are back in the field, or back making the trek for water, or standing up at the stove making all the dinner for all the other children. It’s awful. But it’s also universal, you know, except in places where you decide the cost of having children at all is too high and just go with the earning of the cash. Maternity Leave is a complex issue and certainly one to discuss more, but if you go in shouting about oppression, I doubt the conversation will move forward very productively.
Ok, I’m done with that list. There are several lists in this thing. And I have things to do, so let’s just cut to the chase. What can you do to deal with this sort of nebulous “cultural” oppression with no real definable source and no way to actually solve it because if you did that what on earth would the internet even be for? Turns out, there’s plenty you can do:
-Create safe spaces for authentic sharing, courageous connecting, and truth telling. Learn to be a safe person.
-Weed toxic narratives and people from your life like it’s your JOB. Deconstruct any narrative that has you feeling small, overworked, under-seen, or devalued.
-Examine your childhood traumas so that it becomes easier to understand your own part in toxic cycles and oppressive patterns.
-Preserve your sense of self as a woman. Learn to recognize the sensation in your body when you’ve abandoned selfhood and womanhood for motherhood, or to please and appease other people.
-Explore what empowerment feels like in your body. Do things regularly that increase this set of sensations.
There are a bunch more, but you know, there’s only so much I can take. Well, so there you are. I bet all the women around the world who are oppressed by reality n stuff will be happy to know that they are not alone. Decadent, despondent, rich, educated, Target shopping, Starbucks drinking, privileged, western women also have it really bad.
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