Things to do Instead of Caring about the Election

I already don’t really care, except in a sort of detached way, but maybe you find yourself scrolling through the internet more than usual, or at all. Here are some things you can do instead.

Write a letter by hand to Facebook explaining how you don’t need them to insert themselves into your personal thought life, that, again, they misunderstood the nature of your interest in their platform, that you were curious about your friends, and desiring of sharing news and information that was interesting to you, and that you knew all about the election for literally months, and now you also know how to find out how the count is going. So, please, recede into the background, because you are annoying and making many of your users irritated and sad.

Write a letter by hand and post it to Twitter in a similar vein, explaining that they have esteemed themselves too highly, that judgment is coming, and that Sheol will be their grave just like for everyone else, so give it a rest already.

Clean something. And then reward yourself with the sane practices of yesteryear, like gossiping about people you know IRL. Just because it’s the apocalypse, doesn’t mean you should give up. That’s what I told myself while I finally put away all my summer clothes yesterday, and beat back the cobwebs in my laundry room.

Laugh uproariously when your children ask you, again, who won, and ask them why they even care. Tell them to go study some more, it’s the end of the quarter and they probably didn’t even turn everything in.

Watch some more cat videos. They are about as useful, honestly, as reading the news.

Quietly judge everyone else. You’re probably doing it anyway, so why not admit it to yourself and enjoy it.

Throw your phone into a nearby river. You’ll be sad after about an hour, but for that single hour of complete freedom…just imagine! No notifications! No stress! Nothing!

Well, that’s all I’ve got. Today I’m going to read an actual book. And also stare out the window at the way the light is glinting off the trees. Have a great day!