Please Let Me Be Your Life Coach

Please Let Me Be Your Life Coach May 17, 2022

What my soul looks like when I’m scrolling through Twitter. Photo by Aedan Kennedy

I’ve been too busy lately to catch up on what seems to be, for many people who are very online, as brilliant a time-suck as anything you could possibly desire. As far as I can make out (by scrolling around youtube) Johnny Depp (of Pirates of the Caribbean, if you haven’t heard of him before) is being sued by and also suing Amber Heard (of Aquaman). The two were married for a short, volatile time, and are now each accusing the other of domestic abuse. I watched this long thing to try to figure out what all the fuss was about:

And, then, I’m sorry to say, I watched clips of the 8 hours of whatever was happening yesterday:

And then this morning I indulged in a lot of other tweets (look, we can go on this journey together). Here’s the overall general consensus as of now (me trying to avoid profane and grotesque stuff):

Why are you doing this, you ask me? Why are you wasting so much time when you won’t even watch the Pirates of the Caribbean, even though it is your ring tone? And you’ve never even seen Aquaman? And you don’t even care? WHY? Well, I am only human, and like the rest of the world, I am fascinated by human behavior. And, the question of abuse, in case you’ve been living at the bottom of a well, has been roiling for a few years now. As in, people have always abused each other–mostly men abusing women because they are physically stronger (I’m I allowed to say that men are physically stronger than women?)–but in the era of Trump, women seemed to have had enough and started that hashtag you might remember.

But you might have also noticed that just when so many people began to say #metoo, the underpinnings of western civilization collapsed and fell into the sea (here’s a visual representation):

and so there aren’t the moral or philosophical shared core assumptions that might govern behavior beyond having to relentlessly follow your dreams, even if it’s over a public relations cliff. But if you do go and watch bits of the 8 hours, there appear the strange skeletal remains of the idea that Amber Heard, even though she is a woman, should have treated Johnny Depp in a certain kind of way, because they were married. There’s a word you might have heard of (that’s a little joke) that no one uses in the context of marriage anymore, but when it is absent it does have the power to destroy the marriage (go back and watch that house clip again). It starts with an “R.” Here is a song about it:

The song isn’t exactly about this situation, it’s just a great song and might help you remember the word–Respect. It is really great when a wife can respect the husband. If she doesn’t take pictures of him when he’s drug-addled, then the pictures won’t be shown in the courtroom when she sues him and he sues her. I mean, obviously, the lack of respect went both ways. I am just excessively bemused that Depp’s lawyers pinned Heard to the wall on that point. It’s honestly so epic.

So anyway, I’m available for marriage counseling if you’re in a bad way, but I’m gonna have to start charging money because my time is valuable. Have a nice day!

"The depraved don't know that they are depraved."

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