Let the Children Come

It's so hard to bring children to church. Gosh, it's hard to go on your own. The whole world is doing more interesting things on Sunday, like sleeping in, and catching up on the real pile of work that waits for you all week while you never get to it. As you're racing around after your kids, surely you should have one day, probably Sunday, to be a day to crash. Let me suggest, in a vehement and pleading way, that this not be so, that you Go to Church, and take your children there. Why?

Well, first, because I, and you, are commanded to go. “Do not neglect the assembly of the faithful.” (Hebrews something or other.)

Second, when we gather, Jesus promises to be present in a way that is different than when we are by ourselves. We could talk about this one for ever, but let's move quickly on.

Third, the church is made up of ghastly sinners, of which I am one and so are you, and the way that Jesus makes us like himself is by us going and trying to get along with each other. This includes getting along with children and children getting along with others.

Fourth, and most importantly, I must worship God and that means setting myself completely to one side to concentrate on Jesus and on others. I go to church because the pile of work that never seems to diminish will eventually pass away, but being in the presence of Jesus with other people who love him will not pass away. The souls of my little ones will not pass away. They need to come and worship the King who gave all of himself for them. They can begin to give themselves to him in a tangible physical way by being in church.

All this being so, the thing about church is to just go and be there. Not to have any kind of agenda about it. Leave aside the hymn learning. Leave aside the needing to sit still. Leave aside the getting to know of your church family. You want to just be there, yourself, and for your children to be there, even though it is a wretched and horrific hassle. As you're dancing in the back with your baby, or hauling out your toddler for banging on the pew, missing the singing, missing the sermon, missing the announcements, missing everything, and you're bone tired, you back aches, and you're just angry, you just want to go hide in a hole, you stand there, and that's where Jesus is. That is where he is. That's where he was on the cross.

Eventually there will be other people with you, at the back. The person who has bladder problems. The person who has had back surgery and can't stand. The person who just can't deal, just like you can't deal. You'll all be in the back, trying to deal, with Jesus. When you finally make it to sit in an actual pew through the whole thing, you will still be surrounded by squirmy children, so many distractions, the wandering imaginations of your own mind.

Church is where you bring your extreme horrible need, your total brokenness. And it doesn't feel good. It feels awful. And you miss a lot. But as you are just there, suffering, you will gradually be bonded to other people who are suffering. And Jesus will be there in the middle of it.

So what about your children?

They also will be there. They will twirl and misbehave and take their shoes off. You will just walk around cleaning up after them. But while you will be suffering they will not be suffering. They will gradually develop a sense of right, of belonging. A good sense. They will begin to know that they can be there and Should be there. That it is for them. That Jesus is for them.

As you go to church and take your children, you will gradually have to work on two Big Points.

One, Jesus is not the church. The church sins, horribly. The church does bad things. The church hurts and sometimes destroys. But, and this is so so so so so so important, God Is Not The Church. They are not one and the same. God is God, the church is the church. You have to forgive the church, you don't have to forgive God. You just have to know who he really is. And he's not who you think he is, he is not Pharaoh. He is the Lord. Pharaoh is evil and mean. We often mistake Pharaoh for God and God for the church. So, when the church hurts and is unkind, Point It Out. Say, that person is a sinner and should not have said that. That person should have not done that thing. Etc.

The second major big important point is that Jesus Loves the Church and died for her and now lives for her. He loves the church. If you hate the church, you hate that which Jesus loves. The reason that Jesus loves the church is because the Father gave the church to him as a beautiful gift, as a bride. As you grapple with this, it is ok not to complete understand. Why would God want to be with such a wretched group of people? We will know some day in a way that we can't know now.

This is all theological. I have some very practical thoughts about a good Sunday.

One, sugar. Lots and lots of sugar. You wake up early, go to church, feed your children cookies for breakfast. And chocolate milk. If that's weird and no one is there yet, give them donuts at home. Powdered disgusting donuts from the store. Unless they have gluten problems. Then whatever is the most sugar thing they can have.

Get there before everyone else. Let them spread out all over as if they own the place. Let them see every nook and cranny. Within limits of safety.

Rather than making them be perfect, apologize to everyone for how awful they are. I walk around all day rolling my eyes and saying “kids, whatya gonna do” and smiling a big smile. I do this for other people's kids. “Oh gosh, I can't believe that kid drew all over the wall. I'll go get a magic eraser. Oh look! The coffee is ready!” Apologize nicely and deflect. Not that you don't try to make them behave, but you are a sinner and so are they and so is everyone else and so grace can abound. Kindness and forgiveness can be quickly forthcoming when someone, especially a child, hasn't done what they ought to have done.

Then, gradually, get people to take ownership of your kids. See if energetic lonely women will take a kid to sit with during the service. My kids don't sit with me at all. Alouicious sits with Great Nonni in the front row and pushes her wheel chair up at communion. And so on down the line.

Its their church.

It's their church. When they walk into it, they don't need me at all.

This can happen slowly as you beg people to hold your babies. “Oh, I'm so tired, could you just hold her for a second?” Then go away and do something else and eventually the poor baby holder would get tired and hand said baby to some other poor sucker. I would go to the church building when no one is there, and clean out closets or something, and let them play, without anyone there judging. Take your computer, write a novel in the church building. The more you're there, the more they own the place. The more comfortable they are, the less anxiety and probably misbehaving.

I like a sense of entitlement in children, with regard to church. Or maybe, a sense of belonging. Children shouldn't feel furtive and awkward in the space. It should be grow ups who have never bothered to come who have to tip toe, just a little, around children who know what's going on and understand the reason for being there.

Sweeten the day itself. Have a nice lunch out, an easy favorite breakfast, don't worry about the state of your own soul or theirs. Just draw close and taste the goodness of the Lord. In other words, Go To Church! Especially for Christmas!