Notes of Insanity

I am irresolutely trying to overhaul the rhythm of my life. This is a thing that has to happen every so often, like every five years or something, when I discover that the children have grown and I have changed and what was working fine before now feels angular and discomfiting.

Usually I notice this and so does Matt only after everything is falling apart around our ears and then, when it is almost too late, we sit down and make a complete new plan and implement it rigidly for three or so months and then 60% sticks permanently and that’s good enough, or even exactly what we wanted.

Some of the changes over the years have been drastic, like moving the day of a bible study, or catastrophically upending the daily routine. The biggest overhaul in recent memory (because my mind is shallow mud laden puddle and unable to hold very much knowledge in it at one time) was the abandonment of an evening meal in favor of Luncheon. We hated trying to get Supper on, day after day, and then finally woke up to the knowledge that we had the ability to eat together at lunch, even though we never did, and spent several weeks trying to figure out how to implement this amazing life changing plan, and then launched in. It was really hard at first because it meant the entire way of thinking about food had to change, as well as each day itself taking on a different character and rhythm (when you’re going to have lunch at noon instead of supper at six, you can’t wander into the kitchen at 4pm while everyone is crying and just try to figure something out from the fridge and the pantry, you have to wake up knowing what your plan is and how to put it into practice) but its blessed effects are so far reaching we have never considered going back even for a moment.

So for years I have felt that I really needed to give up Monday as a ‘day off.’ Pastors and their families like to have Monday off. It’s the best time because 1. Sunday is kind of a marathon work day. And 2. Nobody else in the world takes it off and so it takes on a nice quiet rebellious feel. But, you know, also, nobody else has it off and so eventually, because of having children who are involved in educational pursuits, it begins to lose its restful luster.

In other words, I’ve been having Monday as my ‘day off’ for a long time but every year more work is added to that day. Last year, for instance, I worked all of every Monday, but in my mind I counted it as a day off. So…um…you know, that was really dumb. It’s a work day. I ended up working seven days a week. Actually more than just for one year. This has been coming on slowly for longer than I even know.

The consequence of working seven days a week is that I crash mid week when I shouldn’t. And end up with a broken and incompetent thyroid. Or maybe that was just a ‘total coincidence.’

So I’ve gone back to the drawing board, bringing every speck of realism I can muster with me, and the new idea is that I will work Really Hard, as I already do, Sunday though Friday. And on Saturday, a la biblical historical model, I will try to have a ‘day off’ or what some people call ‘rest.’

Today is supposed to be the first of those days. And I am at a complete loss for how to go about it. Blogging, obviously, should stay right there, because I Like it so much. But what else should I do? Or not do? Matt’s day off is still going to be Monday. So he’s going to do a bunch of stuff today that he has to do. But I desperately cleaned the house Yesterday, and did all the school I planned to do, so that I wouldn’t have to do it today. But now I don’t know what to do with myself. Feel empty and alarmed. Like maybe I should rewash all the clean laundry.

So, any ideas? What is a day off for? While I’m waiting for a divinely revealed answer I’m going to go yell at my children because I feel so uncomfortable right now. Pip pip.