Senator John Kennedy of Louisiana Vies for Quipster of the Year
What exactly does Senator John Kennedy, of Louisiana do for the state of Louisiana and the nation? Surely, behind the scenes he is a dedicated legislator crafting bills that will provide economic boosts to his state, but in a day where persona trumps policy, where the public image of an elected official matters most, that’s not what the good Senator does.
Instead, Kennedy appears to be vying for the Quipster of the Year Award. But is there any bite in Kennedy’s bark? Is he all persona and no substance? Does he preen for the camera only or does he work for his people?
Senator John Kennedy’s Quips
Here is a selection of Kennedy quips for evaluation:
Comment about Andrew Cuomo lecturing us: “It’s like a frog calling you ugly”.
“This election in Georgia will be the most important in history. You have nothing to worry about unless you are a taxpayer, parent, gun owner, cop, person of faith, or an unborn baby!”
Democrats are the “well-intended arugula and tofu crowd.”
“You can only be young once, but you can always be immature.”
“Americans are thinking, there are some good members of Congress but we can’t figure out what they are good for. Others are thinking, how did these morons make it through the birth canal.”
“Always follow your heart…..but take your brains with you.”
“The short answer is ‘No.’ The long answer is ‘Hell No.’ ”
“It must suck to be that dumb.”
“When the Portland mayor’s IQ gets to 75, he oughta sell.”
“I keep trying to see Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer’s point of view, but I can’t seem to get my head that far up my ass.”
“Go sell your crazy somewhere else…we are all stocked up here.”
“She has a Billy goat brain and a mockingbird mouth!”
“You can get a goat to climb a tree, but you’d be better off hiring a squirrel.”
“This has been going on since Moby Dick was a minnow.”
“Don’t stand between a dog and a fire hydrant.”
“Our country was founded by geniuses, but it’s being run by idiots.”
“It appears that he might do the right thing, but only when closely supervised and cornered like a rat.”
“Dumb enough to be a twin of himself.”
“This is why space aliens won’t talk to us.”
“Democrats are running around like they found a hair in their biscuit.”
“Chuck Schumer just moo’s and follows Nancy Pelosi into the cow chute.”
On Nancy Pelosi: “She can strut sitting down!”
The Quips Are Not Exactly Brilliant
When he makes the news, it is because he has popped out a cornpone, tortured metaphor, analogy, or simile. His quips are not those brilliant, off the top of the head kind that jump from the mouths of the intelligent and sophisticated at a cocktail party. Instead, they feel manufactured.
Senator Kennedy, like a preacher preparing and practicing his sermons, poring over the Bible, commentaries, and web sites, searching for those “just right words,” he has to work hard to produce a quip. But a preacher’s goal is the “saving of souls.” Kennedy appears to have a goal of being the GOAT of quipsters.
His attempts at insulting fall flat and quickly dissipate. A Kennedy quip disappears as quickly as the bush under which Jonah shaded himself and his anger against God’s love of foreigners.
Bar Talk Not Quips
Where did this penchant for ugly quips come from? The most likely moment was the announcement of Donald Trump that he was running for president. When his potty-mouth, nicknaming, insulting bravado was loosed on the nation, it loosed the tongues of an army of like-mouthed quipsters. Rhetorical scholar Craig R. Smith labels such language as “bar talk.”
Bar talk suggests a certain superiority of the speaker in the speaker’s own mind. There’s an underlying hint of violence lurking beneath the attempt at humor. Without even trying, bar talk often smacks of sexism. Trump’s verbal attacks on women are well-known and are never humorous. Bar talk reveals prejudices.
Insults Are Not Funny
For instance, Senator Kennedy’s quips presume that all Democrats are dummies, extremists, crazy, confused, and just plain dumb. His exaggerations and hyperbole signify nothing, but the opening of his mouth signals the approach of a tornadic outburst of hot air.
His quips insult the intelligence of his peers. His arrogance knows no bounds. His snarky quips hide demeaning comments. A Kennedy quip suggests the sort of intellectual elitism that is usually pinned on Democrats.
Perhaps it is time to let Senator Kennedy know where he actually ranks among the quipsters of Louisiana. In a state that “runneth over” with quipsters, Kennedy would not crack the Top 10. He’s not able to even smell the fumes from the Quipster Racers driven by Huey Long, Earl Long, and Edwin Edwards.
Hands down, the GOAT of Louisiana quipsters – Governor Edwin Edwards.
Perhaps Kennedy could stop auditioning for the defunct Vaudeville and see if he can initiate legislation that might be good for all Americans. We can’t solve America’s political and economic problems with quips and tweets.