Walking Through Springtime Depression With God

In the spring, many of us come face-to-face with our depression as we ache for new life to bloom. May we not forget that God is always walking with us during these struggles.

Understanding Depression

One of my favorite resources for better understanding depression is the YouTube channel Psych2Go. They always do a fantastic job breaking down the key symptoms of mental illnesses into relatable descriptions. This is one of their videos on the warning signs that somebody is dealing with depression:

Psych2Go knows how to hit the nail on the head with their videos. This first video is insightful enough, but this next one hits home especially hard. It made me cringe at how accurately it describes things only we depressed folk understand.

Here are some quotes I’ve transcribed from this video that stood out to me the most:

“Perhaps one of the most difficult things about having depression is the pain of being misunderstood or judged.”

“Though you understand that depression is something that affects people of all ages, genders, races, classes, and social backgrounds, you still can’t help but feel guilty when others judge you for ‘not having a good reason for being depressed’.”

“One of the many reasons why depression is such a devastating mental illness is that a lot of people don’t really understand its true nature. They think that people who are depressed can just ‘snap out of it’ or just need to ‘think more positively’. There is no built-in switch for this. Your feelings are every bit as real as they feel. You’re not obligated to feel any other way just because others don’t feel the same.”

No matter how good-intentioned anybody is, one of the worst things we depressed folk can hear is anything along the lines of “Can’t you look on the bright side?” This is an ultimately dismissive way to talk about depression that leads to its victims not feeling safe confiding in others.

Looking At Depression Through Faith

I found this article from a fellow blogger about Christian stigma against mental illness, and she nailed it. Don’t be unkind to yourself and invalidate what you’re going through based on how blessed/lucky/secure you feel. Like she wrote in her post, we can have a positive upbringing and still deal with mental illness.

We also need to avoid invalidating our relationship with God when we struggle with depression. Like this same excellent fellow blogger wrote in a different article about depression and faith, opening up to God about our struggles is its own form of praise.

Check out this testimony from Christian YouTuber Tiffany Dawn about her struggles with depression and anxiety:

Like Tiffany says in her video, our faith isn’t at all invalid if we aren’t suddenly healed from our mental illness. There’s nothing wrong with our relationship with God. But there certainly is something wrong with Christian attitudes that seek to demonize us for supposedly “not giving it up to Him”.

Check out this awesome video by fellow Christian YouTuber Kirbyisaboss, where she breaks down Christian stigmas against mental illness:

One of my favorite quotes from her video is this:

“The second thing that I want to affirm to all of you is that God has not, nor will He ever, abandon you, or forget about you.”

Kirby references this verse from the Gospel of John to affirm this gentle truth:

“All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never cast out.” (John 6:37)

God doesn’t abandon us to fight this battle alone. Like Kirby said in her video, if you ever hear a voice in your head cruelly telling you that God doesn’t care about you, remember that it’s speaking a worthless lie.

And if you haven’t, I highly recommend reading the story of Elijah the prophet. As it turns out, he experienced depression and even asked God to end his life.

Spring Memories

Last spring was awful for me. It was around this time when I started to gradually realize that despite everything I’d been saying to myself and my loved ones, I’d been dealing with depression for at least 5 years.

The anguish and existential despair that I’d been covering up rapidly started to rise up. When April came around, it hit its peak.

I still remember that on April 9, the second Friday of April, the facade I’d been wearing to cover up my depression was destroyed. That morning, I had an awful dream about a boy breaking down, saying that he wished he’d “never been born”, while his maternal guardian told him firmly, “I’m not giving up on you!”

Towards the end of my work shift that day, I realized that the boy was my mind openly speaking about what I was hiding. I started to break down crying on our sales floor as the horrid realization overwhelmed me.

A year later, I feel comfortable admitting that I came dangerously close to having suicidal thoughts that afternoon. My mind was racing and putting all of the loneliness and hopelessness I’d dealt with for years in a new light. When one of my coworkers came up to me and told me out of the blue, “You’d be dearly missed,” it genuinely felt like God was speaking through her to help me stay anchored.

The Sun Will Rise

When I went to bed that night, I had one of the most vivid dreams I’ve ever had about a girl breaking down in anguish over everything she’d been facing. Her father wept with her by her side, giving her powerful words of encouragement as the Sun rose up over the dream city, igniting the horizon into a glorious prism of light.

She confronted her enemy head-on, and with the help of both Saints Michael and Gabriel the Archangels, along with her timid boy best friend, she came out victorious. The battle was an epic dream analogy for everything I’d been going through, and a much-needed reminder that I’d be ok.

I received the encouragement I needed to ask my doctor for help, and she listened with compassion. I was prescribed Wellbutrin, an amazing antidepressant that has continued to help me be self-aware and honest with myself about how I’m truly faring.

Please don’t be afraid to ask for help. God honors doctors who work to heal others, and He works hand-in-hand with them. God and medicine go perfectly together like peas in a pod.

Peace be with you, friends, wherever you are. The Sun will rise triumphantly, and so will we, by God’s grace and with His everlasting compassion for us.