Race and Grace
Seven days have passed since I quit reading the Bible, and one thing has become clear to me:
I am a Christian heathen.
Here are three thoughts from my week of discovering my heathenish identity in da Lawd.
1. Sending That God to Hell
Knock on wood and clutch the crucifixes at the end of your necklaces, for I have not made Lucifer my best friend.
If you left it to a cadre of Christians concerned for my soul, they would suggest otherwise. After all, how can I draw close to God without reading the Bible?
I am a Christian heathen because despite confessing Christ as my Lord and savior, I do not walk the straight and narrow according to various religious folks.
In certain circles, it does not take much for one’s soul to be hanging in the balances of eternity. Therefore, it does not matter if I check all the right boxes. If I miss a box on one day or one year, my eternal home is destined to be hotter than this summer’s heat wave.
If choosing to pause from reading the Bible for a year dooms my soul for eternity, then I do not desire that god.
That god can go to hell.
You see? It is that kind of thinking that gets me into trouble.
That is why I am a Christian heathen.
On the other hand, it is that kind of thinking that draws me closer to wanting God without all of the baggage we, human-folk, tend to create.
2. The Need to Prove
As people sent me to hell, dismissed my entire walk with God, and made assumptions about my spiritual walk, something unexpectedly powerful happened for me.
I did not feel angry or upset, which astounded me.
I watched my ego show up and noticed how she walked out the door. I did not stop her.
In the past, I would have wanted to share the details of over two decades of my walk with Christ.
I would have felt like I needed to prove myself.
I did not.
A sense of relief opened up for me. I did not feel like I needed to spend a year proving my spirituality, through scriptures or works to anyone.
I did not feel like I needed to prove my holiness or Christlikeness.
Besides, it did not matter because I am a heathen.
These moments reaffirmed that my journey is about God alone and not proving the validity of my faith to familiar and unfamiliar faces.
3. Seeing Myself
Instead of fighting to preserve my ego, I recognized how I make assumptions about people.
I saw older versions of myself.
I heard and read my own words.
The arguments and scriptures that were thrown at me to prove the precarious nature of my soul were things I would have said years ago.
I cannot fault people for being judgmental because I was, and I am that judgmental person.
The Holy Spirit lovingly opened my eyes to see myself through the people’s responses.
My heart felt broken.
Not for myself.
I felt sorrowful for all the people I had judged over the years for not measuring up to my idea of piety.
I sensed the weight of the judgment I righteously dished out in the name of “the love of Jesus.”
Something even more beautiful happened to me. The Holy Spirit showed me the openness in my heart, too. I saw glimpses of my current and future state in different people.
I felt joyful curiosity about this unknown before me. I watched, felt, and heard Christ’s love within and outside of the Church.
I have felt deep waves of gratitude over the past several days.
Now, I feel thankful for being treated like a heathen.
I feel thankful for being considered a backslider.
I count it a blessing to be like Jesus Christ and numbered with the transgressors.
Christ loves the transgressors-the ones who might not know the scriptures and, yet, have a heart that accepts Him.
I feel thankful to be considered a heathen.
God’s love is out there, speaking to those who have ears to hear in the people we call heathens.
Notes for Reflection:
1. If you desire to prove your spirituality to others, you are driven more by ego than the Spirit of God.
2. People have as much power over your life as you allow them. Are you making them gods in your life?
3. The Spirit will let you see how people reflect your past, present, and future selves.
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