Instagram Engagements

A girl we know got engaged recently. The lovely photographs were all over social media, and she retold the story of the “romantic surprise” proposal. There were squeally comments and “weepy glees” over the romantic setting and the perfection of his planning.

And it’s all a farce.

The bride had gone with her now fiance to pick out the ring. She’d been there when he picked it up from the jeweler. She’d told her closest friends months ago where he was going to propose. She’d helped buy the tickets for their “spur-of-the-moment” getaway to her dream location, shopping for a bargain on their room and transportation. She was very much a part of planning every detail, down to the perfect outfit, the perfect location, and the exactly perfect time of day for the special moment,.

All captured by the professional photographer whose edited shots fill her Instagram account. It’s all a play for the cameras. It’s a pretty story-book tale told for their adoring public. It’s something I’m seeing quite a lot here lately.

As my eldest daughter’s friends are getting engaged, I’m seeing more and more of these fake “surprise” engagement stories – all capped off with the picture-perfect shot of the girl exquisitely surprised by her adoring suitor.

It’s part of the trend of picturesque moments that seem to be the lifeblood of the young adults of my daughter’s generation. There are no photos that aren’t beautifully framed and shot. There are no photographs of un-made-up faces or imperfect impressions. Their lives seem to be filled with only Hallmark moments.

All this constant striving for the appearance of perfection makes me wonder what will happen to them in those moments where perfection isn’t possible. When people get sick, when “perfect” babies become crippled children, when spouses die to early, or cancer takes their hair. Loss and imperfections are inevitable in life, and we all struggle to carry on when they affect our lives. But what does that do to people whose scripted idyllic lives can no longer be scripted?

The prevalence of social media seems to be encouraging a tendency towards a society which is based solely on how it appears to other people. If life only has the value assigned it by the opinions of everyone else, what happens to its value when it’s no longer picture perfect? What does it say about their lives when no one else wants to be them any longer?