I’ve never had panic attacks before. I suppose it’s because I’ve never really had a problem for which I couldn’t find a solution or a way out of before now. I’ve always been resourceful, scrappy, and an expert researcher and these have gotten me through the first nearly 40 years of my life pretty well in control of it. Until now. Until Ella couldn’t walk and there was no easy explanation. I’m banging my head against walls here, and I... Read more

Ella turned ten on Saturday with a quiet birthday celebration with her best friend. The half-dozen girls she had planned on when she first started talking birthday in March would have been exhausting to her now. Instead, we picked up her bestie and her mom on Satuday morning and headed to the mall for lunch, makeovers, and a movie. The girls were thrilled with purple eye shadow and actually being allowed to wear mascara! (That was really what thrilled them…mascara.)... Read more

There’s been quite the kerfuffle in the Catholic corner of the internet over whether or not one can be both a gun owner and pro-life. The discussion seems to have begun on a blog post by Mark Shea, continued through 430+ comments, and then spilled over to his Facebook page.  The argument seems to center around smart gun technology. Shea reasons that if gun owners were truly pro-life then we would support all efforts to create guns which would only... Read more

We are really trying pretty hard to wrap up the school year around here. While I’ve gone ahead and declared most classes already done, there are a few (math, grammar, reading) that I insist on us getting at least a little closer to the end of the book. The 7-year-old’s (hereafter to be known as C.T.) reading is one of those things. While C.T. is a whiz at math, the whole reading thing is hard for him. He’s newly seven... Read more

Last week, I finally made peace with the idea that Ella may be in a wheelchair for the foreseeable future. That’s huge for me. I’ve spent the past two months researching tests, treatments, specialists, and anything else I could think to investigate. Most nights I would be up until 2 am just reading. To say I was desperate to fix her would not be overstating it. While I’m still aggressively looking for answers and help, I’ve also begun looking for... Read more

I had this long list in my head of the things I wanted to write about our anniversary and Father’s Day, but they all boil down to this – there are times when our life together has seemed simple and light, and then there are the times like now. In 18 years, I’ve learned that the good times don’t last forever and that the awful times sometimes carry with them unimaginable beauty. It’s not about whether it’s easy or it’s... Read more

I asked Ella to write what it’s like to lose the ability to walk when you’re only nine years old. Here it is: My mom said I had to write this but I’m not completely sure what I am supposed to do. I think I’m supposed to write about losing the strength in my legs. But honestly it hasn’t effected my life a whole lot. Actually I take that back. It kinda has, but not a whole lot. Honestly all... Read more

LI don’t know why it doesn’t occur to me to think about shopping around for the best price on medical procedures. I think perhaps it’s because I have a hard time thinking of it as a product, and therefore something for which bargains exist….and that I should be looking for them. I learned my lesson this week. Last weekend, Children’s Hospital Dallas set us up for an MRI (lumbar and thoracic, w/wo contrast for the medical wonks) as an outpatient... Read more

I made an early morning grocery store run with Wendy this morning. She’s a joy to take shopping because she loudly applauds and says “Woo-hoooo!” every time I put something in the cart. Last week was hard, y’all, I’ll take affirmations where I can get them. As we got to the checkout, which had maybe a dozen or more people spread over several lanes, she said quietly “You clap too, Mommy.” Which I softly did. Her face lit up with... Read more

We’re home again this afternoon. We have orders for a battery of tests, but none of them could be run over the weekend. As soon as we heard that, we asked to be sent home until Monday. The doctors agreed, so we will be getting them all done this week on an outpatient basis. We still have no answers,  but we are hopeful that we will have at least the beginnings of answers by this time next week.  That’s where... Read more