Questioning G-d

Is it ok to question G-d, even to be angry with them? That is a theological question that most of us face at least once in our walk with G-d. Often we find ourselves questioning G-d when a loved one dies or becomes seriously ill. As a spiritual teacher, I often point those with this question to the Book of Job. However, during my own recent crisis, I have found it hard to remain like Job, blameless before the Lord.

Job: Not Questioning G-d

According to the Book of Job, Job was found blameless before the Lord. Yet, G-d allowed Job to be tested. Job lost everything because  G-d allowed Satan to test him as a part of a challenge. Throughout the story, we see that Job never curses G-d. He never becomes angry or questions G-d. Job worships even when he loses his wealth, his family, and his own health.  That is undoubtedly what we should strive to be in our relationship with G-d. Yet, it is not easy to be Job.  Throughout my recent personal struggles, I have found myself being Abraham, Moses, and even Pharoh more than Job.

When my dad first got cancer I was Job. I had unwavering faith that G-d could and would heal him, and sure enough, we got good news that there was no cancer left in his system. However, the cancer has returned twice since then. With the return of cancer has also come financial troubles for our family, as a whole. This time around, I find myself not feeling very Job-like. My first reaction to this news was to be Abraham.

Bargain With G-d like Abraham

Abraham bargained with G-d. G-d if there be 100 good people will you not destroy the city? 50? 10? I also tried bargaining. G-d if I give up this bad habit will you save my dad? If he changes his diet? Should he repent of all sin? If I repent? However, we know that Abaraham’s bargaining did not work. Sodom was still destroyed. My attempts at bargaining with G-d also failed. His will not mine.

Questioning G-d like Moses

Having failed at negotiating with the all-powerful creator of the universe (After all, what can I offer him that he cannot get without my help?), I did a Moses. I got angry and direct with G-d, demanding another chance for my people. It worked for Moses at Sinai, but so far my anger and demands have not had the same effect. I suspect the difference is that it was always G-d’s plan to give Israel another chance. Moses’ moaning probably had nothing to do with it.

The Pharoh’s Hardened Heart

Finally, questioning G-d led me to become the thing you never want to be, The Pharoh whose heart was hardened. I came to a place of feeling hopeless. I thought, “Fine! Take Whatever you want and just go! Stop torturing me!”  I turned away from G-d, for a time. Thus, the silence on this column recently. However, unlike Pharoh, my heart cannot remain hardened against G-d. My greatest fear is their distance from my life. I cannot imagine facing the horror that is to come, with the loss that seems so imminent, without G-d.

Be Like Job

Therefore, having tried on many of the Biblical characters, I return to the advice I give to others. Be like Job. I choose to trust that G-d’s ways are greater than mine and that their plan is what is best. I choose to believe that all that is lost will again be restored, as it was for Job.

So is questioning G-d OK? As we can see from the many characters mentioned above and in The Torah, G-d is used to it. They are bigger than our anger and questions. G-d can take it. A better question might be, what is the point? In the end, G-d’s will and plan prevail. Perhaps, that is the answer we should seek. There is comfort in the fact that in the end G-d’s will shall be done.