I Want To Believe…and to Doubt

I Want To Believe…and to Doubt December 11, 2008

Last night I finally watched X-Files 2: I Want To Believe. Particularly interesting were the issues of faith and doubt, which the two characters have symbolized throughout the series. And the symbolism continued to be explored as we found Mulder and Scully together and yet not married, unable to be together completely in spite of the love they share.

How should faith and doubt relate to one another? I think the ideal would be to have, on the one hand, a doubt that wants to believe, that appreciates what is attractive and desirable in faith, and cannot believe not because of repulsion but because of a demand for evidence that is, in the end, unsatisfied.

On the other hand, we should have a faith that wants to doubt. For so many people of faith, their beliefs are things to be shielded from scrutiny, clung to at all costs. What a fragile faith that is. It is so much freer to have a faith that has come through scrutiny (even if the journey to this place can be very scary). The faith that has survived doubt, the faith that is left even when you try your best to disprove it or explain it away, is a powerful and transformative thing indeed.

I try to hold to both these ideals, but inevitably most of us find that we have a natural penchant for one or the other. But it is genuinely appreciating both that seems to me to be the key.

I want to believe, to affirm; and I want to doubt, to question. And I want to allow the two to not merely co-exist but be married and be all the richer and more well-rounded because of it.

I wonder if that is why Mulder and Scully have a hard time staying together. Scully is capable of skepticism, and yet in the end wants to believe, wants to make room for a wider view of reality if the evidence can stand up to close scrutiny. Mulder, on the other hand, seems to want to believe and be wary of doubt. He invites Scully along, senses he needs her critical eye, and yet he often ignores it. He wants to believe, sometimes so much so that he cannot appreciate what doubt and skepticism have to offer to him.

But if the two can be reconciled, truly collaborate without losing their distinctive perspectives, what a marriage that would be.

Of course, even if they get married, they’ll still call each other “Mulder” and “Scully”. Faith and critical thinking can perhaps be married, but they may still have trouble with being on an intimate, first-name basis with one another…


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