Eisenbrauns’ April Fools Day Specials

Eisenbrauns’ April Fools Day Specials April 4, 2016

I didn’t manage to blog these on April 1st, but they are still worth sharing. Eisenbrauns has a long history of advertising spoof products on their website on April 1st. This year they continued that delightful tradition with the following:


Eisenbrauns Announces Fairshare Festschriften™

Posted April 1, 2016

Get the recognition you deserve, today!

Experiencing Festschrift envy? Your colleague down the hall has two Festschriften and you have only one—and it’s still in editorial! Covet not longer! Eisenbrauns has the answer in our new Fairshare Festschrift™ Program.

How it works

Eisenbrauns will require all our established authors to submit a short, 15–25 page article on a topic of their choice. These articles will go into a repository, available to scholars wishing to create their own Festschrift. For a small placement fee,* a scholar can create their own topical Festschrift to add to their list of accomplishments. Imagine the look on your colleague’s face when you surpass him! Remember, whoever dies with the most Festschriften wins!

Sorry, at this time we are limiting the number of Festschriften per customer to three. We don’t wish to begin a Festschriften race—we just want all scholars to have their Fairshare.™

*Eisenbrauns will share the revenue with the contributing authors.


Your Basic Bible

Your Basic Bible

Edited by I. M. A. Fungi

Winged Bull Press, Forthcoming, Summer 2016

xvii + 666 pages, English

Cloth, 6 x 9



For years people have been telling us that they just want a basic Bible. Winged Bull Press turned the project over to a team of editors, headed by I.M.A. Fungi (affectionately known as ‘Shrooms). The result wasn’t quite what we expected. Seems they took us to mean a BASIC Bible:

REM // — Genesis 1:1-5

REM // — declare global variables, assign values —




VAL(Earth) = null

Deep.surface.color = RGB 0,0,0

LOCATE floor(Spirit_of_God) = Deep.surface + 2


VAL(Light) = TRUE

REM // — Tested output of Light. I like it. It’s good. –GOD

IF Light = TRUE THEN Day = Day + 1

IF Light = FALSE THEN Night = Night + 1

GOSUB Morning

GOSUB Evening

PRINT “First Day”



Create Your Own Noah's Ark Fossils

Create Your Own Noah’s Ark Fossils

Caution: This this is heavy and will incur additional freight charges


Winged Bull Press proudly announces the “Create Your Own Noah’s Ark Fossils” kit!

Following on the unparalleled success of our Do it yourself Ossuary Kit, we now proudly present the “Create Your Own Noah’s Ark Fossils” kit. Yes, you too can be the center of media attention! With our Create Your Own Noah’s Ark Fossils kit, you can fill your yard with fossils from before Noah’s Ark. The easy step-by-step instructions cover such essentials as how to bury them in a convincing manner, how to dig them up, and even a list of experts to call to verify them as authentic, as well as a list of gullible credible media sources to contact to get the word out! Some assembly required, not recommended for children.

Watch for the new supplemental kit: Unicorn Fossils, complete with horn! Coming soon!

Winged Bull Press, 2016



If you’ve read this far and still haven’t had enough, click through for a volume on ancient cell phone bills

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