Top 10 Things Guaranteed to Kill Your Destiny by Os Hillman

Top 10 Things Guaranteed to Kill Your Destiny (and how to avoid them)

Os Hillman www.marketplaceleaders.org 

1. Failing to Understand Your Purpose

For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do (Ephesians 2:10).

If you are going to discover how God wants to use your life and work, you must know why you were created. If you start trying to determine your purpose in life before understanding why you were created, you will inevitably get hung up on the things you do as the basis for fulfillment in your life, which will only lead to frustration and disappointment.

First and foremost, God created you to know Him and to have an intimate relationship with Him. In fact, God says that if a man is going to boast about anything in life, “boast about this: that he understands and knows me” (Jer. 9:24). Mankind’s relationship with God was lost in the Garden when Adam and Eve sinned. Jesus’ death on the cross, however, allows us to restore this relationship with God and to have an intimate fellowship with Him. The apostle Paul came to understand this when he said, “I gave up all that inferior stuff so I could know Christ personally, experience his resurrection power, be a partner in his suffering, and go all the way with him to death itself” (Phil. 3:10, THE MESSAGE).

Establishing this relationship with God is vital to understanding your purpose. If you don’t have this relationship with God, you will seek to fulfill your purpose out of wrong motives, such as fear, insecurity, pride, money, relationships, guilt or unresolved anger. God’s desire is for you to be motivated out of love for Him and to desire to worship Him in all that you do. As you develop your relationship with God, He will begin to reveal His purpose for your life. “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord” (Jer. 29:11).

Your purpose in life is chosen by God. It is not negotiable. It is like calling water wet— there is no changing that fact, and there’s no changing God’s purpose for your life. While you may not fulfill the purpose for which you were made, you still have a purpose that God intends for you to fulfill. This is your blueprint from God. In the same way that He had a specific purpose in mind for Jesus when He sent Him to the earth, He has a specific purpose in mind for your life.

This doesn’t mean, however, that there is one highly specific niche for you to fill and that if you miss it, too bad. It is my belief that you can achieve your purpose in many different and creative ways. This should take the pressure off. You won’t throw your entire life off course by choosing the wrong college, job or mate. God is much bigger than any miscalculation or disobedience on your part. “The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me” (Ps. 138:8). Isn’t that comforting to know?

Defining your purpose will help you to determine the activities that you should be involved in. Like Jesus, you should not involve yourself in activities that contradict His purpose for your existence. Jesus’ purpose was to do the will of the Father, and He never did anything contrary to that purpose. In the same way, your purpose should always be to do the will of the Father.

Several years ago, Henry Blackaby wrote a popular Bible study, Experiencing God, in which he described how one of the core principles is to join God where He is already working in order to find His purpose for your life. When you involve yourself in activities contrary to this purpose, you

 begin to live a life of sweat and toil that leads to slavery instead of reaching the Promised Land of His rest

 get off course from achieving the intended destiny for your life  produce dead works instead of the fruit of obedience rooted in your purpose

 potentially lose your reward because you are involved in activity God never orchestrated.

Each of us must ask why we are involved in an activity. Is it a God-activity, or just a good activity? Remember, Jesus only did something if He saw the Father doing it—and He was able to see what His Father was doing because of His intimate relationship with Him.

Discovering My Purpose

I discovered my purpose late in life. I grew up thinking that my destiny was to be the next Jack Nicklaus.

I started playing golf when I was 11 years old, and my dad encouraged me greatly in this area. I eventually became a very good junior player and even received a golf scholarship to the University of South Carolina. I thought I was well on my way to becoming a professional golfer on the PGA Tour; but when I finished school and turned pro, I quickly grew frustrated and disillusioned with my inability to get to a level to play competitively as a professional.

Our family had always been a church-going family, but we knew little of the concept of walking in a personal relationship with God. However, when I was 14, my dad was killed in an airplane crash, and this accident ultimately led my mom to a more intimate relationship with God. Through her influence and that of a pastor, I became a Christian in 1974.

As the years went by, I decided that golf was no longer the profession I felt God wanted me to be in. I made a career change into sales and marketing, but after being in various jobs for six years, I found myself longing to grow more in the Lord and serve Him in a greater capacity. I was involved in starting a church with two other men who were seeking to be used by God, and this led me to begin thinking about whether I was really “sold out” for God and needed to go to seminary. “Perhaps I am really called to be a pastor,” I thought to myself. I decided to take a leave of absence from my job and go to a three-month Bible study course. I then decided to move to Atlanta to serve as an assistant pastor, only to have the position removed after three months. This caused me to go back into the business world. In hindsight, I see that this was the hand of God.

Through it all, I learned that I was never cut out to be a pastor or to have a “vocational ministry”; I was designed to be in business. On the other hand, I could not help but think of myself as a “second-class” Christian who was not quite sold out to the purposes of God. I don’t believe that anyone was saying this to me; it was more implied by the Christian culture around me.

In 2002, I met a woman named Brenda who specialized in working with executives in career transition. She had a keen understanding of how to help people understand their core purpose in life from God’s perspective, and she challenged me to go through this process. The goal at the end of the day was to create a five- to seven-word statement that defined my God-given purpose. It took an entire day of tiresome exercises, but in the end we came up with this statement: The purpose for which God made Os Hillman is to articulate and shepherd foundational ideas for transformation.

During this process we identified many core strengths that I have, such as teaching, networking, communicating and writing. All of these were attributes of my life, but the core purpose was to articulate and shepherd foundational ideas that could lead to transformation. The interesting thing is that my core purpose had been modeled as a teaching golf professional, a business consultant and an advertising agency owner. I had “articulated and shepherded” ideas in these arenas. Today God is doing it in a spiritual way through writing, mentoring and leading a movement to help people understand their work as a calling.

Key: Realize God has made you uniquely you. There is no one like you on earth. You were created for an assignment on this earth. First to know Him, then to reflect His glory in what you do.

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Os Hillman discusses this topic in depth in his book, The 9 to 5 Window. Visit www.tgifbookstore.com link and search for The 9 to 5 Window. Also, The CALL self-assessment is a great tool to help you discover your unique purpose can be accessed in our bookstore.

2. Failing to Understand the Rules of War

Both Satan and God want you dead, but each for different reasons.

God desires to kill your old man

For we who live are always delivered to death for Jesus’ sake, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So then death is working in us, but life in you.

2 Cor 4:11-12

Satan desires to kill your destiny

Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. 1 Peter 5:8-9

Satan’s strategy was to kill Jesus and us:

“And the dragon stood before the woman who was ready to give birth, to devour her Child as soon as it was born.” Rev 12:4-5

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. – Ephesians 6:12

Screwtape to his demon, Wormwood:

“I wonder if you should ask me whether it is essential to keep the patient in ignorance of your own existence. That question, at least for the present phase of the struggle, has been answered for us by the High Command. Our policy, for the moment, is to conceal ourselves.”

(Screwtape to his demon, Wormwood, from the Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis) C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters, Harper Collins Publishing, San Francisco, CA 1942 p. 31

“There are two mistakes the church makes when dealing with the devil: to blame everything on him or to blame nothing on him.” – C.S. Lewis

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Ephesians 6

Key: Realize you are in a spiritual battle and use your authority to overcome. 

3. Sin within you becomes the open door for the enemy

Jesus had no sin in his life. “I will no longer talk much with you, for the ruler of this world is coming, and he has nothing in Me.” — John 14:29-31

We must realize Satan is a legalist. He has a legal right to sift you if there is any sin in your life. Sometimes there are open doors in our life that must be closed. An open door is a place where you allowed Satan to meet a need in your life instead of God. Or it can be a wound in your life that has never been healed.

Key: Review your life and see if there are open doors that the enemy could still have access to your life.

4. Unbiblical View of Work & Ministry

You could say that the life work of English politician William Wilberforce was gradually eliminating slavery through 69 initiatives he piloted that changed his nation—and the world. However, after he came to faith in Christ at age 26, he almost quit politics to go into the “ministry” because he thought it to be a “higher” calling. Fortunately for us, a converted former slave trader named John Newton (the writer of Amazing Grace) challenged the young man to stay where God could use him most—in politics.

Fast forward 180 years to Janice, who has been an administrative assistant to a well- known Bible teacher for thirteen years. She’s felt the Lord directing her into another line of work. She’s fascinated with computers—and loves teaching others about how they work and how to troubleshoot problems. Recently, at the age of 55, Janice told me that she went back to school to become a certified computer tech, but then the guilt overshadowed her excitement. Why would the Lord want me to leave my ministry for such secular work as this? It’s not a very ‘Christian’ field to be in, she worried.

Millions of Christians throughout the centuries have wrestled with such dilemmas. We often struggle to find spiritual meaning in the daily routine of work. One Wall Street Journal survey showed that 80% of the general workforce is dissatisfied with their jobs.

On top of that, many believers—like William Wilberforce and Janice—have been led to mistakenly believe that work not overtly “Christian” in nature is under the curse that came with “the Fall.”

Is Our Work Really Cursed?

Let’s look at what Genesis 3:17-18 really says: “Cursed is the ground for your sake. In toil you shall eat of it all the days of your life. Both thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you” (NKJV). In the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve had a perfect work life—God entrusted all of creation to them to manage—their work was a blessing. However, when they sinned, the ground—not the work itself—was cursed, affecting the nature of their work in three ways: 1) once naturally a joy, work would become painful toil, 2) “thorns and thistles” would hamper man’s efforts, and 3) we would have to “sweat” to accomplish tasks (v.19).

However, Scripture tells us that when Jesus died on the cross and conquered sin and death, He restored what was lost: “God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross (Colossians 1:19-20 NIV emphasis added). Consider the full meaning of Jesus’ words about Himself: “For the Son of Man has come to seek and to save that which was lost” (Luke 19:10 NASB). Was it just coincidence that Jesus wore thorns and thistles as a crown when He was crucified to restore that which was lost?

The Cross restored meaning and purpose to our work lives, redeeming it into a way for us to worship God. In fact, both the English terms “work” and “worship” that we read in the Old Testament are derived from the same Hebrew word, avodah.

Our Work Has Spiritual Value

In the true story Chariots of Fire, a young Scottish man who grew up in China named Eric Liddell is confronted by his sister for his decision to run in the Olympics rather than returning with her to the mission field immediately. His response to her was simple: “God made me for a purpose. He made me for China, but He also made me fast. And when I run, I feel His pleasure.” Eric’s response showed a more Biblical theology of work than his sister, who saw no eternal value in his athletic skill.

Satan has deceived many workplace believers to view their vocations as an unspiritual activity and not a ministry—other than their potential to make money for the church and other ministries. Furthermore, there seems to be an unspoken spiritual hierarchy that ranks vocations based on their religious appearance or the labels we have put on them. Many Christians think that the pastor or missionary is the most spiritual vocation, whereas the blue- or white-collar worker is the least. But Scripture makes clear that there is no vocation less spiritual than any other when done with a heart of integrity to serve the Lord.

God values our work even when the “product” seems to have no eternal value. His design for work is multifaceted: not only does He desire us to worship Him through our work, He is concerned about meeting human needs and has created each of us with unique DNA to be a conduit for Him to provide for those needs. Wouldn’t it be awful if all of us were pastors but no one was a plumber? God also provides our work as a vehicle to influence society for His glory.

I like the way The Message Bible interprets Romans 12:1: “Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering.”

In the 1600s, there lived a monk named Brother Lawrence whose job was dishwashing. He learned a profound truth that God’s presence could be experienced even in the grind of daily, routine work. “For me,” he wrote, “the time of activity does not differ from the time of prayer…in the noise and clatter of my kitchen, while several persons are calling together for as many different things, I possess God in as great a tranquility as when upon my knees at the blessed Sacrament.” He found no urgency for retreats, because in his mundane tasks, he met the same God he loved and worshiped as in the stillness of the desert.

Colossians 3:23-24 exhorts us: “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving” (NIV).Oswald Chambers summed it up well: “God comes into our mortal flesh and we do our ordinary work, in an ordinary setting, among ordinary people, as we would do it for Him.”

Jesus in the Workplace

Consider where Jesus spent most of His time: of 132 public appearances in New Testament, 122 of those were in the marketplace. Of 52 parables Jesus told, 45 had a workplace context. Of 40 divine interventions recorded in Acts, 39 were in the marketplace. Even the word “work” in its different forms is mentioned more than 800 times in the Bible, more than all the words used to express worship and praise combined. 54% of Jesus’ reported teaching ministry arose from issues posed by others about the scope of daily life experience. No wonder He related so well to the common man.

Have you ever thought about the fact that the Savior of the world worked in His earthly father’s “secular” carpentry business for the majority of His life? What does that say about God’s view of daily work? St. Bonaventure put it like this: “His doing nothing ‘wonderful’ [in His first 30 years] was in itself a kind of wonder.”

In the eyes of those who knew Him, Jesus had more credentials to be a carpenter than He did to be the Son of God. The religious leaders wouldn’t accept Him: Who is this working class man who thinks he can do miracles in our midst? they scoffed. We still have the same problem today as we compartmentalize the “sacred” and “secular.”

Jesus made it clear that He had a specific work to do on earth, given to Him by the Father for His glory.(John 17:4) As His followers, He gives each of us a work to do that flows from our relationship with Him.

You may be called to be a mechanic, a doctor, a secretary, or a CEO. Know that your calling is equal to that of the pastor or vocational Christian worker. The key is to be where God has called you and to live for His glory in that place. You are a servant of the living God—masquerading as a mechanic, a doctor, a secretary, or a CEO.

Key: Realize all of life is sacred. Your work should be viewed as worship. 

5. Living by Principles Alone

Americans love programs and systems to do things. We participate in 12-step programs and read books with guaranteed formulas to help us lose weight or improve our marriages. This programmed teaching can be beneficial. It gives people a track to run on. Let’s face it, if the whole world lived on Christian principles, we would definitely have a better world. However, it is important to recognize that the root of this type of teaching comes largely from a Greek-based system for attaining knowledge, as compared to the Early Church Hebraic model of experiential learning.

The Hebrews preferred to learn wisdom through obedience, not through reason and analysis. Teachers taught their students more by modeling life experience than by conveying information, and the students had a process-oriented way of learning that appealed to the heart and resulted in the active participation of the disciple. The Hebraic style relied on the personal touch of a leader as a facilitator. It enabled believers in the Early Church to become doers of the Word, not hearers or learners only. The end result of the Early-Church instruction was an active, mature love that motivated the believers to serve others.

In the second and third centuries, as more and more Greek scholars came into the faith, they influenced the Early Church with teaching methodologies that focused on reason, logic and oratory skills. The Greek way of learning tended to be program-based and often took place in large, impersonal groups. The Greeks emphasized do’s and don’ts and logical principles, and they expected students to accumulate a repository of data.3 One of the primary reasons that many of us don’t have much of an impact on our world is because so many of us are byproducts of this Greek system of education. In the Church, this approach eliminates the supernatural because it depends so heavily on logic and reason rather than living by the power of the Holy Spirit and being led by God. Paul warned against the Greek influence in his letter to the Corinthians, where he stated, “My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, so that your faith might not rest on men’s wisdom, but on God’s power” (1 Cor. 2:4-5).

Christians who are living by principles tend to be ethical people who want to do the right thing. However, if we only live by ethics, we will never experience the power of God. (On the other hand, if we fail the ethics test, we will be disqualified from power encounters with God and fail to be a witness to the world.) In order to experience the freedom and power of God in the Holy Spirit, Christians must move beyond the “milk” of programmed Christianity to an intimate relationship with Jesus. That is where they will experience the power of God.

The Christian Who Is Living by the Power of the Holy Spirit

Christians who are living by the power of the Holy Spirit have a heart toward God and seek Him about every aspect of their lives. They understand the importance of developing a heart toward God through prayer, study of the Word of God and obedience. They realize that these are the three core ingredients to experiencing the power of God in their lives.

To illustrate these types of Christians, let me tell you about Doug, one of our close friends and board members. One busy day, Doug went to the airport, barely made his flight and found his assigned seat in economy class. As the doors shut, he suddenly heard his name called out. He was being upgraded to first class. Because he had never flown with the airline before, he wondered how in the world he got upgraded.

He ended up sitting next to a well-dressed man who was apparently successful and wealthy, but who seemed to be very irritated. As Doug pondered what God might do with this situation (which seemed to have been divinely orchestrated), he quietly prayed, “Lord, tell me something about this man so that he would know that You know him.” Immediately the words “finance” and “financial services” popped into his mind. Doug now had to decide whether this was God answering his prayer or just his own thoughts. Though he was not used to doing things like this, he decided to take a risk, assume it was God and go for it. Turning to the man he said, “I understand you are in financial services.”

The man looked at him and said, “Yes I am. But how in the world would you know that?” Doug was just as amazed as the man was. “Do you really want to know how I know that?” he asked.

“Yes, I would,” the man replied.

Doug explained that when he sat down, he had prayed and asked God to tell him something about him. “God told me specifically that you were in financial services,” he said.

The man, startled and not sure what to make of this, began a conversation with Doug. It turns out he was the CEO of one of the largest financial services companies in the United States—a 32 billion dollar company with global influence. Doug spent the rest of the flight talking with the man about the integration of faith with work and business.

The man did not accept Christ, but he experienced a touch of God in a very personal way that may be a stepping-stone for him to come into the Kingdom in the future. It was a supernatural seed-planting encounter that encouraged Doug to be open to the Holy Spirit at a greater level.

Another illustration comes from an experience in my own life. When I published my first TGIF devotional book, part of the publishing agreement was that I would purchase 1,000 of the copies myself. I figured I could quickly resell the books, but after six months we had sold only a few books a week. We had no real distribution system in place, and I was concerned. Then I felt the Lord prompting me to do something in faith.

In Mark 11:22-24, Jesus states, “Have faith in God . . . I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him.” I felt need to lay hands and the books and put Mark 11 into practice and speak to the books to leave our basement. So I laid hands on the boxes of books and told them to leave! I told our mountain of books to get out of the basement and get into the hands of people where they could make a difference. Believe me, I felt very foolish. However, I did it out of obedience.

A few hours later, I received a phone call from a ministry in Dallas, Texas, which ordered 300 books from us. The amazing thing was that it was a Saturday! We sold more books in one transaction than we had in six months. The Lord built our faith through this experience.

Sometimes, God wants us to exercise the authority that He has given us in the spiritual realm. This does not mean that God is our genie and we can simply command Him to do things at our whim. God must lead us into these actions. But many of us never even think outside the box enough to give God this opportunity because we don’t know that this power is available to us.

Paul understood that it was not knowledge that would change the world but the power of God working through believers. You and I need to move at this dimension if we are going to transform the workplace. Everything we do should be led by the power of the Holy Spirit in our lives.

Key: If you have not yielded your life completely to Jesus Christ, do so now. Ask the Holy Spirit to baptize you so that you can live in power through the Holy Spirit.

6. FailuretoUnderstandtheInfluenceofSpiritualStrongholds

The apostle Paul enlists the word “stronghold” to define the spiritual fortresses where Satan and his legions go for protection. These fortresses exist in the thought-patterns and ideas that govern individuals in their homes, workplaces and churches, as well as in communities and nations. Before victory can be claimed, these strongholds must be pulled down. Only then can the mighty weapons of the Word and the Spirit effectively plunder Satan’s house. As Paul states,

The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ (2 Cor. 10:4-5).

Here is an example of how a stronghold can develop and affect someone’s working life. “Jerry” had grown up with a father who was successful and a workaholic. Although Jerry lacked for nothing materially, he felt a lack of closeness to his parents and had difficulty sharing his feelings with others as an adult. When Jerry was still in his early teens, his father died very suddenly. His large family was left with little support, and insecurity and fear became the dominating factors in the young man’s life.

Vowing to himself that he would never again suffer financial need, Jerry worked hard at his business in his adult life, putting stress on many personal and business relationships. He became very successful.

His relationship with God was seen as a model among his peers, but when examined closer, there was something that just wasn’t right. He often displayed anger in stressful situations and he would shame his employees into correcting their behaviors. Jerry had little accountability beyond his clients. A pattern began to emerge that motivated Jerry to place restrictions on those around him when they failed in the financial area. Finally, Jerry’s marriage disintegrated and some major crises in his business led to financial difficulties.

However, through the counsel of some trusted friends who had an understanding of spiritual strongholds, Jerry came to realize that underneath some of these symptoms, a religious stronghold of insecurity and fear had been established. To reduce his anxiety level, Jerry (and his father and grandfather before him) had worked hard to control people and circumstances.

As the Holy Spirit convicted him of sins he had committed against people in his life, Jerry sought forgiveness and made restitution. His priorities shifted to God and family first, followed by close friends and business. God began to show Jerry that he could have true intimacy with God and others when these underlying strongholds were removed. Jerry became a new person, and for the first time he experienced a degree of intimacy and freedom in his walk with God. Today, Jerry sees the hand of God restoring all aspects of his life and can testify to God’s miraculous hand in many of his everyday experiences in life and work.

I am pleased to tell you that I am Jerry. It is from first-hand experience that I can discuss the effect of spiritual strongholds that can plague our personal lives and, inevitably, our work lives.

Generational Strongholds

By reading between the lines in the first two chapters of Genesis, as well as elsewhere in the Bible, we find that God created us with seven needs: (1) dignity, (2) authority, (3) blessing and provision, (4) security, (5) purpose and meaning, (6) freedom and boundaries, and (7) love and companionship. Whenever we seek to meet one or more of these basic needs outside God’s design, we have set the stage for the development of a generational stronghold.

God wants to release the full measure of His love in our lives, so that we no longer need to operate out of old strongholds. In Ephesians 3:16-18, Paul prayed that we would experience this fullness:

I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that

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you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

When I came into a greater understanding of the operation of spiritual strongholds, I did a thorough study of my family history. I interviewed family members to see what I could learn about the way my father and grandfather related to God and their families. I studied their work habits. I found that each of us had the same symptoms:

 a need for recognition from performance (civic projects, sports, business success)

 an emphasis on building financial security (we were workaholics)

 a lack of emotional intimacy

 a works-based relationship toward God

 a tendency to over-control people and circumstances

This was an amazing discovery for me. For the first time, I realized this stronghold had affected three generations of my family. I was being given the opportunity to break this generational stronghold through the power of Christ so that it would not get passed down any further.

Strongholds work at the subconscious level and are not easily recognized until a major crisis in a person’s life forces him or her to look deeper at the root causes of the problem. I learned that one root of the religious spirit is control. Man does not want to give up control over his life, so he creates controlled systems designed to make him feel acceptable by God. Again, this is a works-based attempt to gain God’s favor, which invalidates the work of the Cross. The sequence of how these strongholds develop in an individual is as follows:

1. Satanic-inspired thoughts are introduced into the person’s mind.

2. The individual entertains these thoughts, which bring out emotions.

3. Giving in to these emotions eventually leads the person to take some sort

of action.

4. Continual participation in the action causes the individual to develop a

habit.

5. As the habit develops, a stronghold is built.

Imagine being born with a pair of sunglasses on. You would grow up looking at the world through those sunglasses. You would never know that you could see better without the sunglasses unless someone revealed this to you. Now imagine taking those glasses off for the first time and seeing the inside of a room much brighter and clearer. Strongholds operate this way. They masquerade as if they are part of our personality, and we accept them for our whole life. However, the truth is that Jesus wants to totally renew our minds and hearts. Strongholds keep us from getting restored.

Renouncing the Religious Spirit and Spiritual Strongholds

Nearly all of us struggle to some degree with a religious spirit and spiritual strongholds. But God does not want us to continue to be ruled by them or to impose them upon anyone else. If you recognize that you are operating under the influence of a religious spirit or a stronghold, renounce it in prayer, repent for what you’ve done, ask God’s forgiveness and the forgiveness of others, and resist the return of the spirit or stronghold. Receive God’s power to forsake it, and ask Him to make you sensitive to the times when you are tempted to act in a wrong spirit. Move into freedom by asking God to fill you afresh with the power of His Holy Spirit.

When you encounter a person who is influenced by a religious spirit or a stronghold, let your first response be prayer. Ask God for wisdom and love and for Him to set the person free. If the person has offended you, forgive him or her and don’t let that person’s actions or attitudes keep a grip on you. Let your life be based on a genuine faith rooted in Jesus’ life and example.

Most of all, continually become transformed by the renewing of your mind, as we are told to do in Romans 12:2. This is your best insurance against any spiritual influences that do not come from God. As you develop a strong relationship with God through the power of His Spirit, not only will you become empowered to bring the Kingdom to those around you at work, but also you will be able to resist Satan’s sabotage.

Key: Do an inventory of your life and evaluate any root strongholds that may exist and renounce them. Access resources below to evaluate a more in-depth analysis.

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7. Failure to Live as a son or daughter of your Heavenly Father “You are My Son”

“For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, ‘Abba, Father’”(Romans 8:15-16 ).

We are to live as sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father. And it is important that we know we are sons and daughters.

Twenty years ago a television series was produced called “Lonesome Dove”. Set in the 1880s during the time of outlaws and prostitution, it was the story of two Texas rangers, Gus McRae and Woodrow Call, who were best of friends. They decided to leave the town of Lonesome Dove and venture into cattle driving. Newt, a young man who signed on to go with them, was actually Woodrow’s son but had no knowledge of who his father was.

Gus reminded his friend often that this boy was his son, but Woodrow would not acknowledge him. Being from the “old school”, a rough and tumble cowboy, Woodrow was a principled man, very private, and not in the habit of expressing his feelings. However, as the movie progressed, he began to show some favoritism to young Newt, indicating their relationship was more than employee to employer. He tried to “give him his name” in his own subtle way. Eventually, Gus told Newt about his father, but Woodrow would never confirm it. Newt desperately desired his father’s recognition.

When Woodrow left to bury Gus after his death, he appointed Newt boss of the ranch in spite of his youth and limited experience. It was his way of affirming his son, letting him know he was more than just a cowhand to him. Then when the time came to leave on the trip which would take many months, Woodrow tried to actually say the words that Newt had been waiting to hear from his dad. He looked into the boy’s eyes, but could not get the words to come out… he started a syllable, only to stop. He started again, but could not do it. In defeat, Woodrow turned to another cowhand, gave some final instructions, and rode off into the sunset. The cowhand, who was like an uncle to Newt, turned and said in puzzlement, “You know, he spoke to you as though you were kin.” Newt, despondent and devastated, responded, “I don’t belong to nobody!” as he rode off with feelings of deep hurt and rejection. Woodrow failed to give Newt the most important things a young man needs from his father—his name, where he comes from, and the words, “I love you”. Newt was left to live out his days as an orphan.

The key to experiencing the love of the Father lies in our willingness to live as a son and daughter in trust and vulnerability. And trust and vulnerability are physical fruits of believing that you are loved. If we believe we are loved by the Father, we are able to trust Him. If we do not believe we are loved, we cannot trust or make ourselves vulnerable. Nor can we live under His authority. When this happens we live as slaves and orphans.

You Have a Name in Heaven

“He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To him who overcomes I will give some of the hidden manna to eat. And I will give him a white stone, and on the stone a new name written which no one knows except him who receives it” (Revelation 2:17).

Each of us has a name in Heaven that uniquely fits us. God created you to have a name that represented you and your calling. We all need to know and understand that name. It defines who we are.

God often gave people different names in the Bible when a significant change was about to take place in them to represent God’s future plans for them. Abram became Abraham. Sarai became Sarah. Jacob became Israel. Simon became Peter to signify that Peter would be a rock Jesus would use to build His church upon.

There is an interesting story behind my name. I was born Omar Smallwood Hillman III. They put the “O” together with the “S” to call me “Os.” My grandfather was delivered by Dr. Smallwood. However, no one in my family knows where the name “Omar” came from. It is very strange to have a name like “Omar” growing up in the Deep South in the United States. We have no Muslim roots that I know of.

One day a friend and mentor and I were away on a weekend mountain holiday. We both awoke early that morning and were having coffee when he suddenly looked at me and said, “Do you know the meaning of Omar? You need to know. It has something to do with your future.” I was taken by surprise by his abrupt assertion but I had learned to take such times seriously. This was a time of great adversity in my life and I was doing a lot of study and writing about Esau, the brother of Jacob. Esau was a man who despised his birthright for porridge. I was relating Esau to many men and women in the workplace who despised their spiritual birthrights for the pride and greed that can be attained through their marketplace calls at the expense of their spiritual lives. Esau was rejected by God because He failed to recognize the high calling God had upon his life and chose to throw it away on the pleasures of life.

It was 1996 and I had never done any public speaking of any kind. I was trying to recover from a series of personal and business crises in my life. That night I went onto the internet and found the meaning of “Omar.” The name has several origins: Arabic for first son and disciple; Hebrew for gifted speaker; German for famous. Omar was the great grandson of Esau.

I was pretty shocked to learn this. Little would I know that years later I would be speaking to many men and women about fulfilling their purpose in life through their vocational calling. I would travel to more than 25 countries, write several books and become an international speaker on the topic of faith and work. As I think about my childhood and young adult years and the idea that I would become a public speaker it seems preposterous to me. I was a shy and reserved person who got so nervous speaking in front of others I could hardly stand up. But God sees our potential and begins the work in us to accomplish it. What I find most interesting is the number of Muslim countries I have been invited to speak in and I continue to get invitations to these nations. I believe God’s purpose in giving me this name is yet to be fully understood, but it is clear He is behind giving me this most unusual name.

If we do not receive words of validation and emotional love from our earthly fathers and our Heavenly Father, we will often seek that validation through our achievements like sex, romance novels, shopping, and any number of pleasure-focused activities. We will struggle with uncertainty in our core and will be ruled by fears and the opinions of others, hoping for someone to notice us.

In July 2009 Time magazine did a story about the disintegration of marriage in America. One comment of particular interest to me supports this need to know who we are and where we came from. “Children have a primal need to know who they are, to love and be loved by the two people whose physical union brought them here. To lose that connection, that sense of identity, is to experience a wound that no child-support check or fancy school can ever heal.”

The name that is written in Heaven about us is God’s picture of our soul that is totally unique to us. It is an affirmation of God’s purpose in creating us that is unlike anyone else. He wants to give us a new heart and put a new spirit within us. It is a heart that allows us to express that uniqueness so that we can experience the glory of His creation in us and what we are meant to become. There is no one like you on the earth. You were created totally unique and special to God. Just read God’s perspective of His thoughts about you when He created you.

For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well. My frame was not hidden from You, when I was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them. How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand; When I awake, I am still with You. (Ps 139:13-18)

What name is written on the white stone in Heaven that best expresses the Father’s reason for creating you?

Key: Avoid living based on sweat and toil and performance. Accept your position as a son or daughter of your Heavenly Father.

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8. Failuretorecognizetheimpactofchildhoodshame,emotional,physicalor sexual abuse.

In order to become an effective friend of God and friend to those we are close to, we must learn to be vulnerable and develop an ability to share feelings from our heart. It is a vital step to becoming a real person with whom others can connect with emotionally. This is not easy to do if your parents did not teach you to share your emotional life with others as was the case with myself. Emotional vulnerability is especially hard for men. Author Dr. Larry Crabb states, “Men who as boys felt neglected by their dads often remain distant from their own children. The sins of fathers are passed on to children, often through the dynamic of self-protection. It hurts to be neglected, and it creates questions about our value to others. So to avoid feeling the sting of further rejection, we refuse to give that part of ourselves we fear might once again be received with indifference. When our approach to life revolves around discipline, commitment, and knowledge [which the Greek influence teaches us] but runs from feeling the hurt of unmet longings that come from a lack of deeper relationships, then our efforts to love will be marked more by required action than by liberating passion. We will be known as reliable, but not involved. Honest friends will report that they enjoy being with us, but have trouble feeling close. Even our best friends (including spouses) will feel guarded around us, a little tense and vaguely distant. It’s not uncommon for Christian leaders to have no real friends.”

I relate very much to Larry’s comment. Although I was raised in a middle-class family that never lacked for anything, me and my four sisters did lack some very important emotional foundations during our growing up years. We were raised in a shame-based environment. Shame can be expressed in subtle and not-so-subtle ways. We were often shamed for crying. There was little physical affection and words of affirmation. This led to performance to make up for the lack of words and physical intimacy. I learned later in life this affected me in my ability to verbalize through words because words were shut down in me early in life. What I thought was a quiet personality was, in fact, a result of a form of rejection that took place in early child-hood. This was not totally my parent’s fault as this was passed down generationally to them. We all parent the same way we were parented unless we recognize the negative patterns that may have affected us and become intentional about changing them.

Many of our youth today suffer from emotional abandonment. Their parents have failed to invest emotionally in their children and they grow up angry, not knowing why they are angry. It is because they were not given what every child needs—emotional intimacy with their mothers and fathers. Emotional validation tells them they have value and are loved. Withholding affirming words and appropriate physical affection can be as damaging as negative words or no words.

There are even greater levels of abuse such as physical or sexual that cause deep wounds in our souls that must be healed in order to fully realize our God-given potential. Severe wounds need personal counseling and deliverance to help move you past these hindrances in your life.

Key: Begin to believe the truth about you. Satan wants the past to become your future. The truth shall make your free.

9. Failure to recognize the effects of Mother-Son bonding

Jason Bradshaw grew up in a middle-class home. He was the oldest of three kids and was the only son. His parents loved each other, but when Jason was twelve, tragedy struck their family. Jason’s father was killed in a car accident. The family was devastated and Jason’s mother grieved for several years.

As Jason got older his mother poured her life into Jason. He was the apple of her eye and she often saw her husband in Jason as he got older. “He looks much like his father,” she thought to herself. His mother doted on Jason and sometimes Jason reacted to what felt like smothering to him. Jason’s mother often prevented Jason from doing things that normal boys of his age do, for fear of him getting hurt or even losing Jason. Gradually, Jason began to feel controlled and manipulated by his mother. This developed into a love-hate relationship with his mom. On the one hand, he knew he was now the male head of the family and wanted to care for his mom, but he hated the control he felt.

Jason began to date girls as he got older and found that he sometimes masturbated to relieve the stress he felt inside. He also found himself on the internet checking out pornographic pictures. He didn’t know why he did this. He just thought it was normal for boys his age.

Jason went on to college and kept a distant relationship between him and his mom. He wanted to respect and care for her, but he wanted to keep his distance. Jason got engaged after college and things were great with his new wife. However, over the next several years he found that there was conflict in his relationship with his wife. Sometimes he felt the same feelings he felt when he was growing up with his mother. That feeling of control gave him a sick stomach. He often reacted to his wife when those feelings swelled up inside, “Stop trying to control me,” he would say. His wife was surprised at these reactions as she was only trying to connect emotionally with Jason. She wanted to be a part of his life. Jason pulled away each time he felt these feelings. And, to deal with the emotional pain sex was often his drug of choice.

When Jason and his wife visited his mom, his wife noticed that Jason’s personality often changed when the three of them were together. Jason’s wife felt like a third wheel. It almost felt like Jason was married to his mother instead of her. This caused arguments among them and Jason often demonstrated a very unloving spirit to his wife. Jason would always defend his treatment of his mother, often at the expense of his wife.

This pattern continued for many years in their marriage. Finally Jason’s wife decided they needed professional help. Jason reacted negatively to the idea and felt the only problem they had was his wife simply trying to control him. However, reluctantly, Jason agreed to go to counseling. Jason discovered in the counseling that the reason he reacted to his wife’s “control and manipulation” as he perceived it, was due to something that happened in his childhood that related to his mother. The feelings he was feeling were the same feelings he felt when he was a teenager growing up. In essence, Jason was shocked to discover he was subconsciously viewing his wife as his mother. As the truth of his situation unfolded, Jason was able to recognize why he reacted to his wife this way.

Today Jason and his wife are happily married. However, many couples who have the same symptoms often result in divorce. This same scenario happens when a father divorces a wife. The mother is often left emotionally bankrupt and she seeks to meet her emotional needs from her son. However, a son is not made to emotionally bond with his mother and the pain that is caused within him must be released through some form of sexual expression. That is one reason Jason turned to sex to relieve his emotional pain.

Compounded with this is the legitimate need for Jason to have an emotional connection with a female, but because of his negative perception of his wife, he often sought that emotional connection through women at his workplace or in other social settings. He was often seen as a flirt with women but Jason denied such behavior. This too is rooted in the mother-son bonding relationship.

There is a crisis in marriage today. Research reveals the Christian marriage divorce rate is higher than non-believers. There are many reasons for this, but one of those reasons is rarely spoken about. It has to do with the inappropriate bonding between a mother and her son during his adolescent years.

Many men never emotionally bond to their wives because of the impact of being emotionally bonded to their mothers during their adolescent years. The reason many men are not able to bond with their wives is often due to mother-son bonding that takes place during adolescence.

Dr. Paul Hegstrom explains in his book, Broken Children, Grown-Up Pain, that “a husband without an emotional bond to his wife sees her as someone who sleeps with him, cleans the house, takes care of the children, and works—he doesn’t see her as a real, living, emotional person.” As a result, the husband is often distant emotionally to his wife, but he does not recognize this in himself. However, his wife definitely knows it.

She tries to connect on an emotional level only to be perceived as trying to control him. This leads to conflicts in the relationship.

If the father and mother are not bonded to one another, the mother will often bond to the oldest son. This can happen as a result of an absent father, either physically or emotionally. If a wife is not getting her emotional needs met through her husband, she may attempt to draw this from her son. If the parenting style is weak in emotional validation, giving words of love, or shaming of the child, these combinations will eventually surface through problems in the marital relationship in adulthood.

Resolving an Inner Conflict

When mothers bond with sons during adolescence, the son rebels against this bonding because he is not wired to bond with any female once they get into adolescence without some form of sexual expression. When they should growing independent from their mother during this time, they find themselves in bondage to their mother’s emotional control. This all happens subconsciously.

Gordon Dalbey, author of Healing the Masculine Soul, explains that “beyond the basic fact of initial physical dependence upon the mother, the quality of that bonding experience also influences the son’s later relationships with women. If the boy’s maternal bond was painful (perhaps his mother didn’t want to conceive and thus rejected him) or inappropriate (perhaps she was seductive toward him), the boy may later associate physical bonding to a woman with pain and anxiety. He then may become compulsive about sex—either as the freewheeling playboy who is incapable of commitment, or the demanding husband who fears being emotionally vulnerable to his wife. Given the biological and emotional intensity of the mother-son bond, only someone whose intrinsic identity with the boy exceeds that of the mother can draw him away into individuality and adult responsibility. Clearly, only the father meets such a requirement.”

If unresolved, the young male will seek to rebel against this bonding and control they feel subconsciously. They will have a love-hate relationship toward their mothers during late adolescence. This can lead young males to masturbate or get into pornography or have premarital sex in their adolescent years as a means of dealing with the emotional pain of that bonding from the mother. The male will eventually pull away from the mother as a result of seeking to become independent from her. This can be traumatic for the mother.

These feelings are often felt subconsciously as the son grows into adulthood. Often an unconscious vow is made to themselves: “I will never be controlled by a woman again.” This personal vow can go with them into future dating and marital relationships. The wife will often feel like their legitimate input is being viewed as criticism by the husband and he is resistant to talking with her at an emotional level. The husband will often shut down or rebel against his wife’s input.

Dalbey explains that “when a boy reaches puberty, filled with the powerful physical stirrings of his emerging manhood, the father’s role becomes critical. If at this point Dad doesn’t call the boy out and away from the mother to bond with his masculine roots among men, those stirrings are overtaken by his natural bond with the mother, becoming bound up in her and thus unavailable later to the woman he loves.6 Without the earthly father to call the son out into manhood, the boy grows up seeking manly identity in women – whose voices seem to call him to manhood through sexual conquest. Masculinity grows not out of conquering the woman, but only out of conquering the man – and not another man, as in war, but oneself.” Dalbey explains how this can further affect the man’s identity: “Enmeshed with his mother, he may find that his heart is unavailable to another woman to walk with him later as a wife in his life calling (Gen. 2:24). Unable to bond with either a woman in marriage or a man in healthy friendship, he then may fall prey to homosexual impulses.”

This is why moral failure can happen even among the most mature Christian men. Despite a commitment to a disciplined Christian life, they have never resolved their inner toil rooted in mother-son bonding and he eventually loses the battle. This is actually God’s grace designed to take the male back to the source of his pain to become healed.

Key: Realize that emotional bonding to mothers during childhood has a direct affect on you as an adult male. Your resistance to your wife’s input may be a direct result of this childhood bonding.

10. Failure to Withstand Satan’s 3 Pillars of Entrapment

Passion. Possessions. Position.

Satan has no new ideas or strategies to defeat men and women from fulfilling their destinies. The ones he has used for centuries work just fine.

For all that is in the world — the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life — is not of the Father but is of the world. 1 John 2:16-17

The apostle Paul understood that the higher you go up a mountain of influence, the greater the level of spiritual warfare. “For a great and effective door has opened to me, and there are many adversaries.”9 He understood that his calling penetrated spiritual forces in high places. It was not just a matter of his communication and professional skill that would make him effective in impacting his culture; it was overcoming the principalities that ruled the mountains he was seeking to claim.

Oswald Chambers also understood this truth: “When you get higher up, you face other temptations and characteristics. Satan uses the strategy of elevation in temptation, and God does the same, but the effect is different. When the devil puts you into an elevated place, he makes you screw your idea of holiness beyond what flesh and blood could ever bear, it is a spiritual acrobatic performance, you are poised and dare not move; but when God elevates you by His grace into the heavenly places, instead of finding a pinnacle to cling to, you find a great tableland where it is easy to move.”  Scottish writer and historian Thomas Carlyle once said, “But for one man who can stand prosperity, there are a hundred that will stand adversity.”

If you’ve not gained a victory over mammon, pride, lust and position before your elevation, you will be an easy prey for Satan and his demons when you get there. Chuck Swindoll once heard a seasoned pastor warn a group of ministers about these primary temptations that come to leaders who achieve a level of success. He said, “Along with the kind of temperament, winsomeness, and charisma it takes to be a dynamic spiritual leader, there also comes a series of easy faults to fall into. To make them easy to remember, he used four words that began with the same letter, ‘S’: silver, sloth, sex, and self. Stop and think of the dynamic leaders who have fallen. Almost without exception, one or more of these four has the avenue of failure.”12

There are a greater number of demons residing at the tops of these mountains because these are where the places of power reside in culture. Do you think Satan wants Jesus at the top of the mountain of government, or entertainment or media? Absolutely not.

Passion. Possessions. Position.

In 1 John 2:5 we find Satan’s primary strategy to unseat change agents from their calling. Satan has no new strategies. They’ve worked very effectively since the Garden of Eden. You will find at least one of these strategies at the root of every leader who fell to sin. They deal with sins of passion, possessions and position.

Passion is the lust of the flesh. It is what makes us feel good. These are the temptations that arouse the physical impulses of our lives. When David looked at Bathsheba from his balcony and decided he had to have her, the lust of the flesh (passion) took over his life and started a downward spiral cycle that led to even greater sins—the sin of murder and cover-up. God judged David for his sin when his prophet Nathan confronted him. His judgment resulted in God taking his child but spared his own life after he repented.

Many a great man has fallen because of their secret lives of passion. King Solomon controlled the mountain of government. He was known as the wisest man on the earth during his lifetime. However, something changed that. King Solomon had a generational stronghold of lust and unredeemed passion that was passed down through his father David. The result was that this lust dulled his heart toward God and took him off the path God had for his life and his nation.

“But King Solomon loved many foreign women, as well as the daughter of Pharaoh: women of the Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Sidonians, and Hittites — from the nations of whom the Lord had said to the children of Israel, ‘You shall not intermarry with them, nor they with you. Surely they will turn away your hearts after their gods.’ Solomon clung to these in love. And he had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines; and his wives turned away his heart. For it was so, when Solomon was old, that his wives turned his heart after other gods; and his heart was not loyal to the Lord his God, as was the heart of his father David” (1 Kings 11:1-5).

Solomon fulfilled his own words: “Whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding; He who does so destroys his own soul.”13 This is why you can never let someone say to you “what someone does in their private life is of no concern to us. It has no bearing on how they do their job.” That simply is not true. God allows their judgment to be affected by a lack of understanding and wisdom to rule.

Sexual sin dampens our heart. It will separate our spirits from God and others, especially our spouses. I mentioned earlier that David’s heart was affected after his sin with Bathsheba. He was forgiven, but we he never cited as a man after God’s own heart in scripture after that. There is a certain leanness in our soul when we allow sexual transgressions to penetrate our lives. He cannot have intimacy with God and we will struggle to have a healthy spiritual life.

Philip Yancey, in his book, Disappointment With God, cites the tragedy of Solomon who began well but did not finish well. “In one generation, Solomon took Israel from a fledgling kingdom dependent on God for bare survival to a self-sufficient political power. But along the way he lost sight of the original vision to which God had called them. Ironically, by the time of Solomon’s death, Israel resembled the Egypt they had escaped: an imperial state held in place by a bloated bureaucracy and slave labor, with an official state religion under the ruler’s command. Success in the kingdom of this world had crowded out interest in the kingdom of God. The brief, shining vision of a covenant nation faded away, and God withdrew his sanction. After Solomon’s death, Israel split in two and slid toward ruin.”

As I read his words I could not help but think of where America is today and what our original vision was for our nation. We are following the way of Solomon in many ways.

Keys: Do you have enough integrity to keep you if you get successful? Realize the three strategies the enemy will use against you. Make sure you are in some accountable relationships.

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14 Philip Yancey, Disappointment With God, Zondervan Publishing, Grand Rapids, MI 1988 p. 84 25