When I can

When I can March 20, 2012

People assume that healing from abuse is a strict progression of cause to effect, but actually from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint – it’s more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly… time-y wimey… stuff.


Doctor Who quotes aside, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard, “It’s been years. Why don’t you just let it go?”

Image by Allie Brosh
Image by Allie Brosh

I can’t always get a hold of it, for one. Pain is like a greased pig–I can’t even get a grip on it in the first place most of the time, much less “let it go.” It’s not that I’m bitter and hardened, clutching my pain to my chest like a prized possession. It’s more like I’m running around in circles trying to catch it–to find the source–so I can tackle it and throw it out for good.

But that ain’t easy, folks.

So, go easy on us–we the abuse survivors. Don’t ask us to heal on your schedule, and don’t ask us to cope in ways that you see as acceptable. What concern is it of yours what path we take toward healing? What concern is it of yours how quickly we are able to move along this path?

Your pressure is an added burden to an already overwhelming load.

Your “Get-over-it-already!”s cut deeply and make us question ourselves.

“Why? Why can’t I get over it? What’s wrong with me? Am I not good enough? Not strong enough?”

Your “Get-over-it-already!”s bring back the words of our abusers.

You would not chastise a person with a broken arm. You would not ask why his/her bone is not healing more quickly.

Why do you ask such questions of my broken soul?

I will let go when I can.

I will let go when I can

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