Hi, I’m The Jerk. You might remember me from that recurring dream you keep having about gym class. You need some help. Just sayin’. But I’d really like the world to remember me for my movie reviews. Or maybe my humanitarian work of gently correcting people in com boxes. Or perhaps my ability to consume large quantities of alcohol while driving. In any event, Simcha doesn’t seem to care much about secure passwords (manh8ter) so it’s time for me to... Read more
Written while still fairly loopy. Hope it makes some sense. Read more
1. Never mind “you can never step into the same river twice” — you can never dig the same garden twice. This is my fourth year gardening in this Heraclitean yard, and every year I dig up something that wasn’t there last year. Soccer ball-sized rocks, for instance, in a spot which was groomed and aerated to a fine, soft bed last year: But also strange blue spoons, door knobs, legless action figures of obscure wrestlers, flattened marbles — and,... Read more
Yesterday, I was so sick (and unable to take any useful medication, like Sudafed or ibuprofen) that I was able to do exactly three things: drink tea, type, and whine. Out of those three came this post for the Register: Even More Faces of Mary, in which I repeatedly misspell Steven Greydanus’ name, because it seemed really, really funny at the time. Follow-up question for you smart people: Why is it, do you think, that people used to routinely depict... Read more
Today at the Register, check out my post “The Blessings of Poverty,” if only to enjoy the video from Fiddler on the Roof. Read more
Did you hear anything useful in the commencement address at your graduation? Did you hear anything stupid? Well, now’s your chance to hear something fairly useful and awfully stupid, all at the same time. Today at the Register: My Dear Graduates (the speech I’ll never get invited to make). Read more
I pretty much hate plastic surgery, but is it a sin? Or just a morally neutral act which will hasten the downfall of civilization? Another objective analysis which will win me friends and warm feelings. Read more
Nothin.’ Nothin’ at all. Read more
So here, a bit LATE, is my Tuesday’s post for The Register, in which I Do Not Make Anyone Mad. I hope. Read more
Today at the Register: Masculinity Reduction Surgery. In a delicious irony, a few lines of text were snipped from the post, rendering it somewhat less potent than I would have liked. Oh well. Also, we had some technical problems, and weren’t able to include this video, which should have appeared after the line, “THAT’S BECAUSE YOU’RE NOT A MAN.” Okay, the whole world is against me today. WordPress won’t let me post the video. Well, here’s the link. Read more
I Have to Sit Down
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