Trump 2.0: When God Loves You Enough to Break You Fox News recently declared that divine intervention helped Donald Trump claw his way back into the White House. In a poll, a full third of Americans — and a fat majority of White evangelicals — seem convinced that God Himself shoved Trump across the finish line, shielding him from not one but two assassination attempts. Sure. Let’s go with that. Let’s assume, for argument’s sake, that God intervened… But before... Read more
Remember when religious revivals were all the rage? The tent meetings, the sweaty preachers, the sobbing sinners crawling down sawdust aisles? America used to know how to awaken—with fire, fury, and a touch of snake handling. But now? We’re in a new kind of revival. Call it the Great Dumb-ening: a mass spiritual movement powered by YouTube conspiracy videos, anti-science tantrums, and sermons preached with the theological depth of a bumper sticker. We used to awaken to God. Now we... Read more
Easter is this Sunday, and while most churches were busy declaring victory over sin and death, George Barna was busy sounding the alarm. His new report shows only 16% of self-identified Christians believe in the Trinity—and according to him, that’s the real crisis. Meanwhile, out here in the wilderness, I can’t help but wonder: if resurrection is real, why are we still policing belief instead of practicing love? Let’s be honest: when George Barna starts panicking, it’s usually worth paying... Read more
Or: How to Turn a Soul into Glass in Three Easy Steps In 79 AD, a man’s brain turned to glass. No, seriously. When Mount Vesuvius exploded, it unleashed a surge of volcanic ash so hot it flash-fried everything in its path. A young man, likely caught mid-scroll on whatever the Roman equivalent of TikTok, had his brain vitrified—literally turned into glass. The heat was so intense and the cooling so rapid that his grey matter became shiny, hardened, and... Read more
The Orphan Crushing Machine isn’t real—but it should be. Or rather, it should be talked about as if it were, because in many ways, it is. The phrase comes from a 2020 tweet by @pookleblinky that cut straight through America’s cruelty theater with one sharp line: “Every heartwarming human interest story in America is like ‘he raised $20,000 to keep 200 orphans from being crushed in the orphan-crushing machine’ and then never asks why an orphan-crushing machine exists or why... Read more
There’s a certain point where you stop asking, “How did we get here?” and start realizing this is just how things are now. And we’re only in the early days of the hellscape that is Trump’s second reign. System shock after system shock—every move seems less like governance and more like demolition. From the whiplash of idiotic tariff games to bans on diversity and humanitarian programs, the administration’s actions aren’t just reckless; they’re calculated. The chaos is the point. Take... Read more
It used to be that if you wanted a career in politics, you at least had to pretend to know things—how laws work, what governance entails, maybe even a vague understanding of ethics. Not anymore. Today, the loudest voices in government are people who couldn’t pass a basic civics test but can absolutely crush a Twitter beef with Big Bird. These are the Seriously Unserious People (SUPs), the politicians who treat legislation like a TikTok trend and wield outrage like... Read more
There’s a reason Kierkegaard thought of himself as a missionary to Christians. He saw them, much like we do today, sitting comfortably in pews, nodding along to feel-good sermons, and mistaking their rote recitations of doctrine for actual faith. If faith was supposed to be a struggle, an existential crisis, a leap into the absurd—then what most Christians practice today is anything but. Faith, real faith, is supposed to make you sweat. It should haunt your nights and challenge your... Read more
There’s an old saying: If you want to know what people really believe, watch what they do, not what they say. And if you’ve been paying attention to American conservative Christianity, what they do is follow leaders with cult-like devotion, silence dissent, and demand an unquestioning loyalty that looks a lot like authoritarianism in Sunday best. In fact, it doesn’t just look like it—it is authoritarianism, wrapped in scripture and sold as discipleship. The reality is, the American church has... Read more
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Christian Severance
If you haven’t seen Severance, it’s a chilling little workplace dystopia where employees voluntarily undergo a procedure that splits their consciousness. Their “innie” only knows the workplace—an eerie corporation called Lumon, filled with cryptic rituals and a sinister “Break Room” where employees are forced to atone for wrongdoing. Their “outie” lives the rest of life, blissfully unaware of the cubicle purgatory they’ve signed up for. It’s equal parts existential nightmare and corporate satire. Now, swap the office for a church... Read more