When your prophetic word sounds suspiciously like a cold reading with extra Jesus. It’s Sunday morning. The lights are dimmed, the synth pad hums like the voice of God trying to warm up before a concert, and a pastor in skinny jeans declares, “I just feel in my spirit that someone here has been struggling with something big lately.” Cue the weeping. The amen. The cash app handle on the screen. Fast forward twelve hours. Somewhere in a dimly lit... Read more
“Hypodermics on the shore, China’s under martial law / Rock and roller, cola wars—I can’t take it anymore.” Billy Joel belted that out in 1989 as a rapid-fire history lesson, a catalog of chaos. Back then it was background noise on the radio. Today, it sounds like prophecy. The Cold War is gone, but the chaos machine is still here—just with new headlines: Epstein files, ICE raids, $200 million ballrooms, tariffs, coups dressed up as patriotism—same breathless drumbeat, only now... Read more
Ken Ham built a boat. Well, technically, he built a theme park shaped like a boat, complete with animatronic animals, pseudo-science dioramas, and a gift shop that peddles “God’s history” in bulk. Ham loves to remind us that “the Bible is a history book.” And if that’s true, it’s the worst history book ever written. No footnotes, no sources, and a plot that kicks off with magical trees and talking snakes. But that’s the problem with Ham and his literalist... Read more
When I graduated high school, one of my closest friends left to be a Mormon missionary. He wasn’t devout. He wasn’t burning with the bosom for what Joseph Smith was selling. Honestly, he was just a kid doing what his parents wanted. Three months in, he was diagnosed with cancer and forced to come home. A year later, he was gone. I thought I was prepared for his funeral. I wasn’t. What I saw that day has haunted me ever... Read more
Sunday mornings in our home have a peculiar tradition: we turn on Christian radio—not to worship, but to wonder what the hell happened. It’s a ritual of cringe. A mix of auto-tuned piety and theological cosplay that would be hilarious if it weren’t so tragic. There’s a common thread in the lyrics—one that wraps itself around modern Christianity like a velvet noose: Jesus is King. God is sovereign. We are nothing. Repeat ad nauseam until the beat drops. It’s not... Read more
Every time there’s a mass shooting in America, we’re handed the same buffet of scapegoats: mental health, video games, broken families, moral decline, “evil.” Pick your excuse. It doesn’t matter. Because no matter what label you slap on it, the problem will always be guns. We’ve gotten used to this rhythm. A public figure or school or church becomes the site of another eruption of bullets. For a moment, there’s shock, maybe grief, maybe outrage. Then the machinery of spin... Read more
Welcome to the Fetish Economy You’ve seen the memes. You’ve shouted the slogans. Eat the rich. It’s a rallying cry. A rebellion. A demand for justice through metaphorical cannibalism. But let’s be honest—America doesn’t eat the rich. We feed them. And not just casually. We do it with religious devotion. We fatten their portfolios like we’re in the world’s most codependent kink fantasy. If late-stage capitalism were a sexual subculture, America would proudly be the submissive feeder—desperately shoveling wealth, data,... Read more
It’s been over a month since Hulk Hogan died, and if your algorithm is anything like mine, you’ve probably seen the same meme a dozen times: Hogan in white, wet from baptism, surrounded by beaming pastors in khaki shorts and polo shirts. The caption? Some variation of “Rest easy, Hulk. You’re finally home.” Evangelicals ate it up. It’s the perfect send-off: a man with a colorful and problematic past, wrapped up in a splash of holy water and a quote... Read more
We’ve reached a point in American Christianity where the name of Jesus gets invoked more often as a marketing strategy than as a path to follow. Churches trade in brand identity, not radical love. Jesus is co-opted, merchandised, and bent to fit whatever culture war slogan the faithful need to feel righteous. And if you dare to ask where the real Jesus went? Well, prepare to be laughed out of the sanctuary. This short parable is a modern homage to... Read more
The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse aren’t waiting in the wings. They’re already here, riding shotgun with humanity—and, frankly, we’re the ones holding the reins. Pestilence, War, Famine, and Death aren’t divine punishments; they’re manmade symptoms of our arrogance, greed, and apocalyptic fetishism. We love to blame God for the mess we created, and nowhere is that more evident than in the frothing corners of American Christianity. You’ve seen the type. The prophecy junkies. The rapture groupies. The Revelation addicts... Read more
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